Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Dedicated October 2021

Weird Situation

Hannah, on February 13, 2021 at 10:57 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Hey all, so I’m kind of in a weird situation and I just want to see what you ladies think the best way to navigate this is. So, this whole situation is completely dependent on how tight covid restrictions are come October. My fiancé and I got engaged in June 2020, and we set our date for our wedding maybe a month or so after, which is October 2nd. We have close friends that are a couple, and they just announced to us that they are engaged and are planning a wedding for the weekend after ours. The future bride of this couple (one of my good friends) has been very eager to be engaged and start wedding planning, and she has talked extensively about her wedding plans with me while I was engaged/wedding planning (which is totally fine and fun!). I was made aware that she wanted an October wedding too. However, she designated me as a bridesmaid for her wedding after she knew our wedding date but way before she even got engaged. So here’s the problem: my FH and I are currently planning a honeymoon for the week after our wedding. We are TOTALLY aware that this will only be possible if it is completely safe to do so. We are not going to throw tons of money at a trip that risks our health and the Health of those around us. However, I don’t know how and if to commit to be in my close friend’s wedding the weekend after ours if there is a chance that the would be gone for our honeymoon. Should I rebook the honeymoon for different dates? Should I politely decline my friends bridesmaid offer after the fact and not attend their wedding? I’m struggling lol!

Flag
Hide content

16 Comments

Latest activity by Cassidy, on February 15, 2021 at 9:17 AM

Dedicated October 2021
Hannah · on February 13, 2021 at 11:02 AM
Flag

Hide content
Note: I have not told my friend our honeymoon plans :/ maybe I should have done that earlier. This whole situation is probably my fault lol. I’m just a more private person in general and don’t tell people (even close friends) much of my plans, so it completely escaped me to tell her about our October honeymoon oops.
- Reply
VIP July 2017
Becky · on February 13, 2021 at 11:09 AM
Flag

Hide content
If your travel plans aren't set in stone, I would probably be in your friends' wedding and then leave for your honeymoon - but that's just me.
- Reply
Expert July 2021
Lauren · on February 13, 2021 at 11:11 AM
Flag

Hide content
Is the honeymoon already booked or no? If you have the flexibility and can bump departure back a few days then that seems to be an easy fix. If it’s not possible, then at some point you are going to have to tell her before she gets too deep into plans that include you. I’m sure she would be disappointed but understand. Just make sure she knows it was booked beforehand
- Reply
Expert November 2020
Shirley · on February 13, 2021 at 11:13 AM
Flag

Hide content
I would decline to be a bridesmaid but say that if the honeymoon isn't possible I would come as a guest. I would want to go on my honeymoon
- Reply
Super December 2020
Anais · on February 13, 2021 at 11:26 AM
Flag

Hide content
I would if possible move the honeymoon, if this is a good friend of yours and you’d like to celebrate her wedding. It doesn’t seem like it would be a big deal to leave two weeks after your wedding, or even leave a day or two after her wedding
- Reply
Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 13, 2021 at 11:34 AM
Flag

Hide content
First she shouldn't be picking you a bridesmaid this early. But what's done is done. Do you want to attend this wedding if it is safe? Or do you intend to stick to your honeymoon plans? That's something only you can answer.
- Reply
Dedicated October 2021
Hannah · on February 13, 2021 at 11:39 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I know right, it was hardly a request either. She sent me a picture of a dress saying “this is the bridesmaid dress I want you to wear”.... and then after that she just talks about me in all these wedding plans. Her bf is good friends with my fiancé (that’s how her and I met). My fiancé is really handy with construction and stuff and she constantly would talk about “oh (my fiancé) can just help us build a drink table for our wedding”. This is all wayyyy before she got engaged lol! I just try to remind her that we are going to be busy with our own wedding planning and that we’ll help her as much as possible. Idk. I think we’ll just end up rescheduling our trip, but she’s just so excited about her wedding that I feel like she forgets that I’m also planning my own wedding which is taking place the week before
- Reply
Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 13, 2021 at 11:42 AM
Flag

Hide content
Sometimes you have to be firm with people
- Reply
Master January 2019
Cassidy · on February 13, 2021 at 11:51 AM
Flag

Hide content
I enjoyed leaving for our honeymoon the morning after our wedding. There was nothing better than getting to tell people we got married yesterday! And spending quality time with my husband was priceless. Relaxing after planning and relishing in the new status of the relationship. You only get those first few days once. I don’t think it would be the same with a delayed honeymoon, to me it would just feel like a fancy vacation.

Things may not be back to normal in October for an international get away (I got this vibe from your post, maybe you’re not thinking international). Can you plan a modified honeymoon for a few days the week after coming home Friday? That way you can still have that time but attend the wedding too? And then next year plan a nice anniversary trip!
- Reply
Master July 2021
Rebelle Fleur · on February 13, 2021 at 12:11 PM
Flag

Hide content
If it was a very close friend I would delay my honeymoon for a week. It’s just a couple days. It’ll give you time to settle and write thank you notes etc.
- Reply
Super June 2021
Melanie · on February 13, 2021 at 1:04 PM
Flag

Hide content
As PP said, if you're close with her, see if you can move your honeymoon to the week after without spending anything additional. But definitely hint off to her that you're busy planning your own wedding and you can't be expected to help her plan her entire wedding too.
- Reply
Super October 2023
Alyssa · on February 13, 2021 at 1:05 PM
Flag

Hide content
Did they already book their wedding? If not tell her you plan on honeymooning right after your wedding and can't commit to being a bridesmaid.
- Reply
Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on February 13, 2021 at 2:33 PM
Flag

Hide content
If she’s really important to you and you really want to be at the wedding , reschedule the honeymoon.
If she’s not (and I don’t mean this offensively at all— there’s just some friends I’d move mountains for and some friends I wouldn’t) and you’re okay with skipping the wedding, just be up front and tell her that you guys already have your honeymoon planned for then so even though you would’ve loved to be a bridesmaid, you won’t be able to be there for the big day. That’s all there is to it. Ball is in her court, maybe she wants you around for Bach and shower and will still consider you a bridesmaid even if you’re not there. Maybe they’ll change their date — just because they’ve announced it doesn’t mean it’s 100% set in stone. Maybe they don’t have a venue set yet, maybe they do but wouldn’t mind bumping a week— who knows ? Annndd maybe she’ll get mad haha, but she’ll be the one being unreasonable and hopefully she gets over it in time.

Just tell her you’re not available that date. Forget about the covid stipulations and complications. Just say it ASAP !
- Reply
Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on February 13, 2021 at 2:36 PM
Flag

Hide content
Also Lol true story: my BFF texted me a while after she was engaged and said “we set a date for August Xx!!!” And I said “oh no! That’s the week my family goes on vacation! 😳” and a little while later she texted back and said “okay, we set a date for September Xx!!” Hahaha. (In this case my parents are like second parents to her so it was important to her that we all be able to attend!)
- Reply
VIP June 2019
Hanna · on February 13, 2021 at 5:06 PM
Flag

Hide content
Many people don't leave for their honeymoon right after their wedding these days. My husband and I actually attended the wedding of close friends one week after our wedding too! We left for our honeymoon a full month after our wedding. I would be in your friend's wedding and be more flexible about not leaving for your honeymoon the day after your wedding.
- Reply

VIP October 2017
Cassidy · on February 15, 2021 at 9:17 AM
Flag

Hide content
You decide if you can reschedule your honeymoon if you really want to be in your friend’s wedding or you tell her now you can’t be in it because you’re going on vacation which is non refundable.

A bridesmaid shouldn’t have a million responsibilities. She buys a dress and helps you on the wedding day and stands beside you. There are no other responsibilities of being a bridesmaid.
- Reply