Hi everyone! So we postponed our 8/1 wedding until next summer but haven't sent the new date to guests. We have one but are contemplating canceling it for a few reasons. We sent out a postponement announcement on Paperless Post last week to 150 guests. Only 7 people said anything. Surprisingly, these 7 people were mostly either current or former coworkers of mine. It made me feel good to know they cared so much about me! A few of my friends and one of my fiance's groomsmen sent a message as well. I felt really sad because Paperless Post tracks who opens the announcements and there is a place for people to respond. Almost all of our guests opened the announcements but like I said, only 7 reached out to say, "I'm sorry to hear this," "Thanks for looking out for our safety," or "Looking forward to celebrating in the future." I just felt like no one cared. None of my family members (including my mom) said anything either. A few distant cousins had asked for invites when we got engaged and so I invited them despite not wanting to, because I don't spend a lot of time with them and haven't seen them in 5+ years. They said nothing about the postponement.
To make matters worse, back in February my mom went off on me when I said I was stressed about the cost of wedding planning. She had promised to pay for a wedding dress and even offered to buy a dress in store as I tried it on. I picked another dress and then she said she didn't have the money to pay for it...this was a week after offering to buy a 1000+ dollar gown in store. So I said it was fine and that I'd pay for the dress and she said she'd give me the money later. Months and months went by (about 4 months) and she'd been loaning money to my uncle but still hadn't given me dress money. She got mad at me for charging the dress to my credit card and said I needed to pay it off quickly, which I did but it put a wrench in other plans. When I said I was stressed about planning and payments, she said, "no one told me to get married," that I was just getting married to "show off," and asked for the check she had written for the dress back. I gave it to her and said we didn't need her money (even though it really would've been nice). Then as I left her house she told me I "would not be blessed" and that she wasn't coming to our wedding. I wasn't talking to her but when COVID hit, I decided to check in on her to see how she was doing and she acted like none of that ever happened. She has been physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive to me starting from about 6th grade till I was 24 (I still lived at home at 24). I am 30 now but still feel guilty for not spending time with her although I know it is unhealthy for me to do so.
Anyway, rather than ruffle feathers, I decided to invite her to our microwedding postponement date even though I don't really want her to come because of all the nasty things she said. My dad lives in another country and abandoned me from a young age but I invited him to the ceremony anyway but he can't come due to COVID. Anyway, my mom started more drama and texted me "I wasn't aware I was invited" to the microwedding. I had told her about it months ago...I told her we didn't send out invitations since it's just immediate family and the bridal party. Anyway, I am nervous for her to come because I think she'll embarrass me by saying nasty things to me that day in front of my FH's family. She has done this to me at weddings before. Since the microwedding is happening at my FH's childhood church, his Catholic tradition is your parents have to walk you down the aisle. Since my dad isn't going to be there, it will be my mom walking me and I just don't feel comfortable with all of the nasty things she has said to me.
Anyway, back to canceling the big reception next year. I don't want to go through more drama with my mom and I actually just want to cut ties with her once my microwedding is over. Not too many people seemed to care that we were postponing anyway and I just feel that I don't have a lot of support. I don't see the point of me and my FH spending 30k on next year's reception so that people who didn't give two bleeps to respond to a postponement announcement can come to celebrate with us when it seems they don't really care. Luckily FH is very supportive and loving toward me and says the decision is mine. The microwedding we are having this year is his ideal kind of wedding so he is happy with just doing that. I have always dreamed of having a nice fairytale wedding and spent lots of time planning it. It has turned into a bit of a nightmare. He says that if I want to cancel the big reception, we can go on a luxe trip this summer or next. Sorry for the long post. What would you ladies do in my shoes? Cancel the big reception next year? What should I do about my mom?
