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Just Said Yes April 2015

Wedding w/ Friends only - NO FAMILY?

Isabel, on January 21, 2015 at 6:08 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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Thinking about having a tiny wedding where instead of inviting immediate family we invite a few close friends. We wanted to elope but I’m worried it will be too anti-climactic. Inviting his family isn’t appetizing- we have a toxic FMIL situation- from very early on she’s been incessantly rude and offensive to me even after having my fiancé address this with her multiple times. I’m worried she would use our wedding as a platform to voice her opinions and ruin our day. The rest of my fiancé’s family is “okay”, there’s a chance they’ll be hurt if they’re not invited though- for them its either elope with no one or (the father would like to) invite half the world. We would have to borrow money from them to do this which I’m not comfortable with. I have a nagging suspicion they won’t be happy no matter what we do because they would rather my fiancé marry someone with a better pedigree, so since there’s no making them happy anyway - why not do what will make US happy? Thoughts? Opinions?

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Molly B., on January 21, 2015 at 9:51 PM

Master October 2015
Angel_D · on January 21, 2015 at 6:10 PM
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What about your family?
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Master April 2015
Finally Mrs Gee · on January 21, 2015 at 6:20 PM
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I get where you are coming from an its your day, you can do what you want. with that being said, i think you should include some family members. rememeber you'll look back on that day and dont want to regret or burn any bridges with family because of it
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Master August 2015
Julia T · on January 21, 2015 at 6:21 PM
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Do what makes you and your FH happy.

With that said the marriage isn't about the wedding it's about the marriage. And doing this will only make FMIL situation worst so be prepared.
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Just Said Yes April 2015
Isabel · on January 21, 2015 at 9:39 PM
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Hi all - thanks for the input. My mom actually suggested we elope because she herself had a (much worse) mother in law and instead of getting further mired in conflict with my FMIL I think she just wants us to be married and be done with it (we've been together 6 years, engaged 3). I do worry that if I don't involve the F-IL's in the wedding that they won't think our marriage legitimate in a way. That being said, I also very much worry about her ruining the day with horrible comments that'll turn into WW3 because as I mentioned before, I really have no more patience for her rude insults. I would still have a "we've eloped, come celebrate" dinner which would be for family.. I'm still very torn.
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Expert April 2015
Molly B. · on January 21, 2015 at 9:51 PM
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Hmmm...this seems like a very tricky subject. I feel like you'll honestly be damned if you do, damned if you don't. Unfortunately, doing things either way is going to make someone upset. I say elope because then at least you will be happy in the end. If you have a ceremony where your FMIL is invited, she still won't be happy anyway and then you will be miserable as well. Good luck and I'm sorry you have to go through this situation. Why can't everyone be nice, ya know??
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