Wedding vs. Vow Renewal

In the end, it's whatever you and your husband want and what works best for you. Other people will judge no matter what and that is on them. Don't let them make you feel bad for your choices.

This is your wedding and the ONLY opinions that matter are yours and your partner's! They will get over it, and a vow renewal is very special! Not everyone will get their way in your day and that's just how it is.

We are doing the same thing and holding everything exactly like a "real" wedding, just not signing the papers at our renewal obviously. Maybe she is worried there won't be a ceremony that his extended family can enjoy too. You could have a "ceremony" next year with all the bells and whistles, or you could zoom his family in to your small ceremony too. Just some ideas but know that no matter what both days will be special!

Your vow renewal next year with all your family and friends will be just as special and wonderful as your wedding would have been with them this year. Celebrate and enjoy both your wedding and vow renewal (if necessary), and ignore FMIL.

To be quite blunt, her opinion doesn't matter, and if she doesn't think a "vow renewal" is special enough, that's her problem.

You do what *you two* need to do. Full stop. End of story.

Well I sure hope it’s “special” because that’s our Plan B idea. 😆 If our wedding gets canceled this October, we’ll still “elope” on our date with just the 2 of us . Then we’ll do a renewal next year with everything we planned... same time, same place, new date.


I initially told myself that the Plan B celebration had to occur within six months of the original date (so, by April 2021). But when I think about it, I’d rather that the big celebration also be the 1st anniversary renewal, because it will be more meaningful than simply selecting a random day. Plus that also allows more time for them to get this COVID stuff under control... because I don’t want to be a “double cancelled bride”.

This is a not uncommon thing, and it always makes me angry. Always. If we are not there when vows are exchanged, it is not important enough to be there at all, such garbage . your kindergarten graduation was important enough to be there, as was playing a bunny rabbit in a play, being a dinasaur for Halloween at age 3 >>>> I am assuming they showed up to see? Or reading a speech, on July 4, and presenting your 9th grade sciece project, or getting to be an Eagle Scout. It does not take a momentous occasion for a parent to want to be there. Saying vows is one special thing. But being at the reception part of the wedding is special as well. And they want to boycott the reception if they don't get the vows part? If you held the vows next year, and invited them to see, but then did not invite your parents to the reception, saving costs, your parents would be rhrough the roof angry. Because both parts , separately, are each worth attending. They sound like extremely spoiled children. Well , if you don't give me everything I want, then I won't have anything at all. Why should you lose 6 months or a year of being married to each other, a six month oe more 24 hours a day loss of something you are ready for, so they can be there for 15 minutes of ceremony? They will get all the rest. And asking people you care about to give up 6 months to a year of marriage, for that , is so narcisistic, the heck with them. My first marriage, my FMIL wanted a bigger and better wedding than we wanted and were paying for ourselves. She wanted a year of planning time, and a spectacle. And actually cancelled our venue and food and officiant, paying them for nor doing it and saying, book someone else. We had from May when we eloped, til the beginning of September, married. Then he died. They never saw him married. Wouldn't. They never saw him after May, for the rest of his life, because they were withholding their love for not doing what they wanted. To me, being married nearly 4 months was wonderful. I would not have missed it for the world. If you are ready to marry now, be married for however long until a more public celebratory reception can be done, do it. Apparently FI's parents don't rate it up there with a second grade play, or whatever. Not enough to show up at the receprion. Everyone else will celebrate at your reception.

Do what makes you two happy! Family can be very opinionated! My husbands family felt the same way but we did what we wanted and have no regrets

Thank you all for your support. I felt the same way, but wanted to make sure that I wasn't being unreasonable in my feelings that a 1 year anniversary vow renewal would be special enough, especially given the circumstances.

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True you are responsible for your own happiness.

I'm sorry but I agree with your fmil.............. you cannot recreate the one time only event of a wedding with a vow renewal. It just is not the same in the eyes of us old fogys. I realize that I am in the generation of probably most of the extended family your fmil is speaking of. She is more concerned with having them be a part of it to show you guys the love and acceptance (and maybe a little of her own pride) of the family. It's not her decision to make. That decision is the bride and grooms. Just know that several of his family (and maybe many others) may not make the effort to attend a vow renewal and if you're good with that, stick with your plans. The choice belongs ony to the both of you. And don't worry as long as she is there, she'll accept it eventually.

This is what we are doing but we are not even having a ceremony this year, just signing the application to get married (in Alabama). There were some very traditional family members on both sides that did not seem like they approved, but this is our wedding and our marriage and that’s what we decided was the best option for us. Obviously this isn’t ideal but there’s not much else we can do in this situation.