Wedding vs Eloping

My FH and I definitely did. We figured it would be a lot less stressful but then realized that we shouldn't imagine our wedding without certain people. We in the end decided to go forth with a wedding but I found a venue that includes so much (catering, ceremony, center pieces, wedding planner, DOC, hotel blocks, shuttling from airport, linens, cake, tables, chair, and so much more). That's what I suggest if you want to be on the lower end of stress. I still have about 17 months to go but so far everything has been easy knowing that it is in one place and some small details I do not have to worry about. GOOD LUCK!

Up until last month, I was going back and forth as to whether I wanted to elope or have a wedding. I was leaning towards eloping but then I thought about how I'd feel a year from now and I realized that I'd probably regret not having a wedding because I wanted to experience everything that goes with having a wedding, so I decided to have a wedding. We're aren't having a lot of people (60, including bridal party and everyone's + 1), so our wedding will be intimate, yet celebratory. I'm sure whatever you decide will be the right choice for the both of you....no regrets. Good luck!

We talk about it from time to time, especially when things get stressful. Our problem is we have very close knit families and have too many people that we couldn't imagine not being there. In our case it doesn't make sense. There are some brides on here (Mrs. CK and some others) who decided they no longer wanted a big wedding and took their big wedding and shrunk it down to 15-20 people. That's always an option if you aren't feeling the big party, but still want immediate family around.

With the cost of 'an average" wedding galloping upwards every year, I see the number of our small weddings go up every year. We do plenty of weddings for 2 and 250, but I know we're doing more that are in the 20-40 range. It's kind of the best of both worlds. Certainly a big wedding offers experiences that an elopement doesn't, (though I can't think of an example frankly) but I fail to honestly undertand why it's expected that people will go through all the stress, planning and money it takes to produce them. You can invite 20 people to a beautiful ceremony and a lovely party; you can have music and wine and great photography; where is the missed experience? Doesn't that sound really, really nice? Nicer than 150 people eating a 7.00 pasta meal off a paper plate? It's no secret that I feel treating less people nicely is better than treating more people to the absolute minimum affordable event. You won't even have time to talk to them.

Part of it is moving past the idea that your wedding is an event that EVERYONE in your life must witness. They simply don't feel that way, I can tell you. It's pretty easy to see from their behavior towards it; from the RSVP's to lateness to everyone on their cell phone at the cocktail hour. Maybe if these events hadn't mushroomed into these vast extravaganzas that include everyone in sight. those guests would be very excited to be invited to one (instead of ambivilent about being invited to six). I'm not saying this to be mean, really, but no matter how much you want to believe otherwise, you CAN get married with a small group, without everyone there. It's all in your state of mind. And the condition of your budget.

Everyone has a different level of tolerance for planning a giant party, but if you don't, then don't!

I am going back and forth on this all the time. I haven't chosen a venue or anything yet because I can't decide. For me, the biggest thing is thinking about how the money we would spend on this wedding could be a down payment on a house.

I've always wanted a wedding, but never really considered the size. Ours is actually much larger than I'd like. However, wedding budgeting has shown me just how much money we waste because with focusing we've managed to pay/save more than I ever thought possible. Once we're married, I'm looking forward to throwing all that money towards building our life together rather than a one-day party.

I wish we weren't as far as we are with planning and deposits because we would totally elope now! That was our game plan from the min we started to talk about getting married but we ended up letting everyone around us influence us. Now we know better and should have stuck to the plan we really wanted which was city hall with just the two of us and a long honeymoon. All the people that insisted they be there or who have put in their opinions about us regretting the elopement aren't the ones planning or paying for the wedding so really shouldn't get a say in the matter.

I did in the beginning. FH and I had a lot of criticism from certain family members at first about wedding planning from the venue to food and we were about to just elope. In my heart I knew I always wanted a traditional wedding though so we're taking everyone's opinions with a grain of salt and planning the wedding WE want. Just make sure whatever decision you make is what you truly want. Neither one is better than the other.

I want to elope and then have a big vow renewal 4 or 5 years later, let's see how well that goes over with FH!!!

DH and I were planning an elopement to Savannah but we realized we did want certain people there to witness and to celebrate. We had a 40-person wedding instead, with a cocktail-style reception, and it ended up being perfect. There are a lot of options in between eloping and having an extravagant 300-person wedding.

DH and I have big extended families. On my side many have gotten married and have had "big" weddings. It's just a tradition I guess and a way to get families together. I couldn't imagine not having all of them there. That said, we had 150 and it was 90% family. It was amazing though and we knew from the get-go that was our number and figured out how to save to host that number properly. We could have easily has 200-220 but chose to stick to our 150 and treat those 150 well.

Yes at times it was stressful and we wanted to elope but having those people we were close to be there was perfect. If you don't have a large family or aren't close to them I can see a small wedding or elopement being perfect.

That's so true Jessi. People think they either have to throw their partner on a Vespa and run to the courthouse. There are a lot of other ways to get this accomplished.

We've gone back and forth on it, but we ultimately decided on a "big-ish" wedding. We are expecting around 170. I really want the big dress, the party, all the friends and family. It doesn't make our marriage any less important, but I want everyone to share in it!

FH and I have this dilemma almost daily. The thought of planning a big wedding gives both of us anxiety. I've brought up the idea of a destination wedding to my parents and they just won't have it. FMIL also thinks destination wedding is a no no. We both have large families. He's one of 6 and I'm one of 7 and we also both have very large extended families as well. Our aunts and uncles and cousins alone make up about 200 people. Some days I secretly hope I'll "accidentally" get knocked up so that we can just go to the JP and call it a day!

Grandparents, parents, siblings & their spouses (maybe their kids, too). Forty to fifty guests is manageable.

We had about 125 for our wedding. For our 20th anniversary vow renewal, we had about 25 -- much more intimate, casual, and fun.

I did. I think subconsciously I still do but now it's just because it's so close and the anxiety is starting to kick in

@Karen why can't you just go to the JP without getting pregnant?

It's YOUR wedding Karen. What's with, "they won't have it"?

You call the shots.

1. An elopement is a wedding. Any ceremony that ends up with you married is a wedding.

2. Because of #1, you're really talking about what size wedding you want, not two wholly different things. The wedding doesn't have to be either just the two of you or 200 people. You could choose to have 10 people, 50 people, 100 people, or whatever size you want. And you can have a low key party for any size wedding.