Katie
Savvy September 2019

Wedding Vows: During Ceremony or Private?

Katie, on July 25, 2019 at 12:46 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 1 15
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Hi there! I’m having trouble deciding if we should exchange our vows at the altar or in private. I don’t mind doing it at the altar, but my FH prefers that we do it in a more intimate setting. If we do it in private, should we do it after our first look and read our vows to each other? Or perhaps write letters to each other and read them while we are getting ready? I need suggestions/ ideas! ❤️ I want it to be special.

15 Comments

Latest activity by Cyrano, on October 22, 2019 at 1:12 AM
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Aw all those ideas sound so sweet. I love the idea of reading it to each other or putting it as a letter.
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  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    We struggled with the same question and in the end we decided to read then at the altar. We both cried and it was beautiful. We had each typed them up so after the wedding we gave them to each other to keep and reread. There is no wrong answer. Whatever works for the two of you. Good luck.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    I think it's important to do some kind of vows during the ceremony, even if it's just the traditional "repeat after me" vows. That's what we plan to do, then write and share our own vows in private during cocktail hour.

    • Reply
  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    I like the idea of reading each other's letters while getting ready or during first look and then just doing the "repeat after me" vows during the ceremony.

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  • Katie
    Savvy September 2019
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    Yes! To clarify, we will do the legal “repeat after me” me vows at the ceremony. It’s the personal vows that I can’t make a decision on! I want to share my love for him to the world, but he is much more private and that would make him uncomfortable. I think love letters to each other might be the best idea. We can each choose to read them as we get ready or face to face during our first look (although I don’t want to ruin my makeup) haha.
    • Reply
  • CDickman
    VIP September 2019
    CDickman ·
    • Flag
    We are writing them in a letter. I think we plan to give each other the letters before we separate.
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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    I personally don't see the point of vows outside the ceremony as they were invented to be part of the ceremony. But if your fiance really doesn't feel comfortable you could do letters and then seal them in a box to open on a further out anniversary.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Savvy September 2019
    Katie ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I agree! I know that they are traditionally meant to be exchanged during the ceremony in front of guests. However, I don’t want him to stress over it and go against his wishes. The anniversary idea is great, but I definitely want to hear his vows the day of- in whatever form that may be.
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  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    I think it would be wonderful to write your own personal vows to each other and read them at a first look - then just do a shortened version or "repeat-after-me" style in front of everyone at the ceremony.

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  • Brittany
    Dedicated November 2019
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    We are keeping them private. I plan on writing my vows to my fiance and giving them to him to read the morning of our wedding.

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  • Courtney
    Master December 2019
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    A friend was at a wedding where the mic was "conveniently" not working during the vows. The couple were able to read their vows privately to one another, but in the presence of their guests.

    • Reply
  • Tamika
    Expert October 2019
    Tamika ·
    • Flag

    SEE!!! I need help with this as well, thanks for making this post. My fiance is an introvert and I am the opposite, so I want to do them but I like the idea of writing a letter for us to read while we are getting ready. We are not doing a first look.


    HELP!!!!!!!!

    • Reply
  • kymarmck
    Super March 2020
    kymarmck ·
    • Flag

    I know I'll start crying if I do them AT our ceremony so we've decided to write each other a love letter and frame it and give them to each other to read while we're getting ready Smiley smile

    Our vows will then be displayed at our venue on the card/gift table so if anyone wants to read them they can Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • April
    Dedicated September 2021
    April ·
    • Flag

    I am a very emotional person, (I cried walking down the aisle as a bridesmaid for my best friend) and I know I would make a joke of myself if I tried to say my vows at the alter in front of everyone. We decided to do our first look and our vows together with our photographer before the ceremony. I think it will be more intimate and we won't feel uncomfortable or nervous about public speaking.

    • Reply
  • April
    Dedicated September 2021
    April ·
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    I love that idea of framing it so those who want to read them can!

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