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Dedicated November 2019

Wedding vent

Madison, on June 10, 2019 at 8:31 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 3

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My fmil has stage 4 cancer. She will be going through treatments during our wedding. FH and I wanted to go ahead and tie the knot so she can watch us get married while she's still healthy.

We have told everyone this is a super small ceremony. It's not going to be a big deal. We have put so much time and money to our actual wedding in November. We don't want to take away from that. This is mainly just for my fmil.

One of their family friends offered to throw us a huge wedding. I told my fmil that it was such a sweet idea but that's not what we want at all. Fmil told my future grandma that I loved the idea. So future grandma starts pushing the idea to have a huge wedding. I kept telling her no that this wasn't supposed to be that. Now my future aunt is texting me trying to convince me. I finally sent them all a message putting my foot down. I feel like I've upset the in laws now. But I don't want anything to take away from my November wedding. I feel like they just completely misunderstood the purpose of FH and I having a small ceremony.

Am I being unreasonable for this? I just want to call off this small ceremony, but I want FH to have those memories of his mom.

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3 Comments

Latest activity by Kristin, on June 11, 2019 at 10:46 AM

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Kelly · on June 10, 2019 at 8:59 PM
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I'd have a long talk with fiance about this. I feel like your heart is in the right place with the small ceremony but maybe your definition of small and his mother's definition of small don't match.
I think it'd be wise to talk to fiance and settle on plan, then have him sit down his mother and tell her plan. Not suggest it, just say hey Mom this is what we're doing and we want you here for it.
I'm sure if her son approaches her with a firm plan it'll go over better than the back and forth grandma aunt gossip game.
Good luck!
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Super September 2018
Jeanelle · on June 11, 2019 at 1:25 AM
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It's really nice that your putting your fmil first. And I am a fan of small weddings. However, is a small wedding something you're doing for your fmil? Or something you and your fh have been wanting regarding the circumstances? It's also okay to want more.
My parents kinda pushed me to have something a bit more after we shared our initial plans and then they wanted to contribute. Unfortunately strings attached means strings attached and it's figure to come back from once you've let them in. I can totally relate about feeling pressured and not listened to. It's totally not unreasonable to be firm with what you want and not everybody had to have a wedding that people envision. They probably are just excited and live you and want you to have something of a larger celebration, since they think you deserve it.
Be polite and just be true to yourself and your fhs dreams.
People will tell you all sorts of things and think they know what you want.
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Super November 2019
Kristin · on June 11, 2019 at 10:46 AM
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I am so sorry your family is going through this.
We are kind of in the same boat, FMIL was diagnosed with stage 2 pancreatic cancer in March and even the best outlook for stage 0-1 is not good. We have been planning the big November wedding since last March... the one that my parents wanted (we really just wanted to elope) since I am the only girl for 3 generations and my parents are paying. Depending on what FMIL's scan shows in July, we may just do something small with our parents and siblings so FMIL can be there and relatively healthy.
I would think that since you have already mentioned your plan to your FMIL you and FH have already talked about it and agreed on doing something small and intimate. I think now, its just a matter of putting your foot down and standing your ground. The rest of the family will still get the big wedding they seem to want, they just have to wait until November. Maybe have FH talk to his mom about wanting something small and intimate so that he can spend more time making memories of the day with her instead of running around with the whole big to do a big wedding brings. I would have FH talk to grandma and auntie as well, he may be more successful since they are his family and he knows them better. There's also a better chance that your wants won't be misunderstood like they seem to have been with your FMIL's game of telephone.
Good luck with everything, I know it's not an easy situation.
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