Wedding turned into one big competition

I wouldn't talk with her about wedding plans anymore

I got engaged in August and then his sister decided to get engaged also, in December... To me if felt like she wouldn't be engaged right now if we weren't engaged.. She's only 19 so she claims she won't be getting married for a while but We are getting married in July (She's one of my BMs) So I haven't had that problem where we are having to plan them together(thank god). But it still kind of feels like a competition a little also.. I would agree with the other comments and just do your own thing. You know you'll plan the perfect wedding for yourself and let her plan hers. It's nice of you offer to help with her wedding planning though!

WWAD>?

Yup..I have two friends engaged and feels that way with both. One changed her colors to mine after we had discussed what each was doing. The other initially wanted a Disney/ballroom wedding but after seeing my venue she booked for the week after my wedding at the same place (which is a barn not ballroom). Both have stalked my Pinterest and used ideas that I am using. It's annoying but I'm slowly learning to let it go..and keep everything very private!

FH and I got engaged in July of this past year and then FBIL got engaged to his long-time GF in late August. We have such different personalities and wedding ideas that it's worked out really well. I also don't see either of them very much, so when we chat about each of our weddings it's only regarding things already set up.

Like PP's have said just don't talk to her about it. It's nice that you wanted it to be a bonding experience, but it's clearly not that so move on. Let her have a competition with herself.

LOL I posted this two years ago yesterday, but I was ranting at J comparing our wedding to his cousin's which was six weeks later. https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/its-wedding-not-pissing-contest/1a426b1765fc3f93.html

For the record, he still does this on occasion

DH's cousin got engaged and married around the same time we did. I'm not from here, so I was happy that someone would be wedding planning at the same time, but she had no interest in helping me. She'd ask me a million questions about our plans, and then refuse to answer when I asked her stuff. And turned our shared bridal shower (organized by her aunt) into a nightmare for me.

I decided not to talk to her again about our weddings, which she didn't like. I still don't really talk to her, other than being polite whenever I see her.

My FH proposed a couple months after one of his oldest friends proposed to his lady and we are having our weddings a week apart. My FH had been planned the proposal before he knew about there engagement and that's just how everything worked out. My FH is even a groomsmen at their wedding! So far everything has been fine. We have talked about a couple things and it sounds like our weddings are going to be very different. Just don't talk to her about anything. Your wedding will be awesome and so will hers, it's not a competition.

Agree with PP - stop sharing your wedding details with her.

Agreed, stop sharing planning and is she brings it up, keep conversation as surface as possible. Unfortunately women get competitive, even when they're supposed to be family. Some people are just naturally more competitive than others, and I've dealt with such people by just letting them think they've won while doing my thing on the side and not thinking about what they're doing. My FMIL has gotten quite competitive with me lately and I just ignore it and change topics or find a non-competitive way to respond. Hopefully this is just a phase for your FSIL, and there will be more opportunities for you to grow closer in the future. My mother always encouraged me to 'kill it with kindness,' Good luck!

I wouldn't talk to her about the plans anymore either, but I'd need a little more information on what she is doing to understand the competition angle.

If it seems that she's copying you, that may not be totally true. I've heard of cases where brides felt they were being copied because another bride went to the same photographer and cake maker. But that was because they were the best, or because it was a small area with not a lot of options.

Sometimes the cakes end up being the same because a certain cake maker only offers a certain amount of options. If she's saying things like 'I need to make this better than yours' then I would say yes, that's competing. Whether she's competing or not, there's not much you can do about it other than try to keep it a secret.

If your ideas happen to be similar, and you are competing for things like the same venue, have you considered a double wedding? Might be a thought.

It's not fun advice, but I definitely agree with the previous posters that you should stop sharing wedding details with her!

I agree that I'd stop talking about plans with her. One of my cousins got engaged 5 months before me, one a month after. The former is getting married in August and the latter in April. In conversations with one, it sounds more like a competition (solidified by some texts my mom showed me where she asked why everything isn't easy for her like it has been for me). With the other, we've given each other helpful vendor suggestions and chatted casually about it. I've really stopped talking much detail with either of them.

We all have different personalities, though, so our weddings will definitely all be very different.

Yep, stop talking about with her. You can let her talk about hers and smile and be nice about it but do not share any more about yours with her. All weddings are different and personal to the couple so it shouldn't be a competition.

I am guessing she is insecure and a bit immature and is maybe in love with the idea of a wedding? Stop talking to her about it and just tell her the bare minimum she needs to know for being a BM

My best friend is getting married in June and I'm getting married in October, but she is constantly pinning anything that I do and trying to compete to mine, hers is a 20s theme and mine is rustic chic so I'm not sure why she would want similar flowers and stuff but I just keep my big ideas to myself and share smaller things. It used to bother me but I just look at it like she must like my style and I must have good tastes!

Just dont bring up wedding stuff around her. But I am sure it is so frustrating! why dont u talk to her about it?

Alternatively, you can tell her exactly how you feel-- "I feel like, when I mention wedding stuff, you have to show me how yours will be bigger or better in some way. I am happy for you, and I wish you could just be happy for me. This isn't a competition-- we can both have lovely weddings with no loser."

I also have a family member who will be getting married around the same time as me. Everyone is always comparing our weddings and now I have just started keeping things to myself and not spending time with that side of the family as every time I do it is all wedding talk.