Wedding than reception later on?

That's not a reception. A reception is held immediately after the ceremony. It is literally called reception because you are "receiving" guests who attended the ceremony. What you're having is a celebration of marriage party.

So two things:

(1) you need to take your best friends out to lunch/dinner after your ceremony (the day of) as a thank you as that's just polite etiquette.

(2) you send out invitations after the fact, announcing your marriage with an invite to the celebration of marriage party at whatever date/time you choose.

That's not a reception, it's a party celebrating your marriage. Either wait to get married and have a reception with everyone, or have a party with your family like you planned later on, but don't call it a reception. On invitations I would say something like "We Invite you to a Dinner Celebrating the Marriage of ____ and ____"

Are you planning to do it on the same day? We are getting married in my hometown (across the country) so the majority of our friends from here will not be there. We are having a separate reception when we get back. The invitations will just say that you are invited to celebrate the marriage of XXX and XXX or something like that. Haven't given it that much thought. If you are doing it on the same day I'm not sure what the etiquette is. I know that you can't invite people to the ceremony and not the reception. I'm not sure what cost you are concerned about with the ceremony as most of our cost is in the reception. If you are doing the reception at your house, why not do the ceremony there as well? It honestly doesn't cost much more.

if you do choose to have a small ceremony and a party later, the party would be a celebration of marriage, not a wedding reception. You should word it as such on invitations.

depending on your reason for getting married early, people will probably be upset and you have to prepare to handle that. Just be honest and up front with your guests, dont try to lie to them and treat the celebration for what it is. ETA: words

Why is this "generally discouraged here"? Because it's outside of societal expectations and isn't cookie cutter?

I understand wording it as a celebration of their marriage, but why on earth is it discouraged?

The celebration of marriage would be at our farm we just bought in our big shed. The celebration of marriage I will be making all the food and my mother and sisters will help with that. But as for the ceremony we just wanted it to be just us and our 2 closests friends. And thank you all for the advice it really helps alot.

Bria there are red flags here: making family cook on a special day not only leads to potential food poisoning but lack of food safety overall

@Ashley I don't see it as discouraged, it's just important to maintain proper etiquette. So having a party after eloping or having a very intimate wedding can be done. Your guests just need to know what type of event they are attending. People will approach being invited to a wedding differently than a party after the wedding has occurred. My sister had an intimate courthouse wedding, paid for lunch for everyone afterwards, then two weeks later had a backyard celebration with extended family. I saw nothing wrong with it.

ETA: words

If you don't have money for a big reception, then why would you be having a big party? Are you expecting your guests to pay for the wedding??

Have the reception you can afford.

Are there legit reasons as to why you want to get married before "celebrating with everyone"? (i.e. military, visa reasons, birth of a child coming soon....) Or do you just not want to get married in front of a large crowd and pay for a big party?

Futhermore, whoever is there with you, should be treated to some kind of meal afterwards.

Thank you @SimpleSeamstress, the way it was addressed by Kelsey was a bit offputting, but I do view it the same way you explained it. And it seemed (to me anyways) that the way you explained it was what OP was planning, as is what I'm planning. So that's why I was a little put off by seeing someone say it's discouraged. I actually looked into how to word it on OffBeat Bride because I didn't know what to call the "party" part.

Not to detract from WW, but OP, OffBeat Bride does have quite a few good articles about how to handle what you are planning. Wording it so no one gets offended or thinks you're having a "fake" wedding. It definitely helped my planning. My FH and I are eloping in NH and are going to have a dinner party a month later and I had no idea how to word things or what to call them.

@Ashley, when I said it was generally discouraged it was because I thought OP meant that the private ceremony would be a secret to guests invited to the celebration

I think as long as you don't try to pretend it's a wedding, it's ok. And be prepared for some hurt feelings. Also, the reasons why you're getting married early make a difference. People may be offended that it seems like they were important enough to come to a party but not important enough to witness the reason for the party.......

@Ashley as others have said, it's only discouraged when you lie about it/attempt to make people believe they're witnessing a wedding when you've been married for months or a year. But when it's handled properly, it isn't discouraged. You just have to word it appropriately and be prepared for family to be upset they didn't get to see you exchange vows.

BTW, where are you eloping? NH's gorgeous!

@Ashley what you are planning sounds perfectly fine. My parents actually got married in 1965 out in SC where my dad was doing his military training. None of their family members could attend. They had a more informal celebration later back in CA. My grandma sent out wedding announcements right after they eloped and then invites to the party later.

My sisters and mom and friends offered to help with the food. My sister works in the food industry and has her license to serve I will be paying for the food myself but it won't cost as much since we are doing a BBQ for it. And as for the ceremony with our 2 closest friends we are paying for their hotel room and the meals that they will need along with we are driving where we will have the ceremony and we will buy the drinks when we go out. And the ceremony won't be a secret we just want a small ceremony since we are not going to be having it where we live at. And don't expect anyone to travel more than what they have to.

It's not that we don't have the money for a big reception we just don't want to have a big ceremony so we decided to go somewhere to have the ceremony. We just decided we wanted to do something after we get back from the ceremony like a month or two later to have a celebration of marriage and I wasn't sure on how to word the invites to that. And we are eloping at a waterfall that he knows of and is really beautiful. He showed me pictures and I agreed.

@Crescent that can definitely happen. If the actual wedding is very very intimate then people understand. It may seem like it wouldn't save money since the reception is the expensive part, but I think people go this route to lessen the expectations that a full blown wedding has. The party afterwards may be a less formal type of event like a family BBQ. Not that gifts are important, but you won't be showered with gifts in the same way and people will not consider it on the same par as a wedding. My sister did have some jealousy about how people seemed to take my wedding more seriously because I did it more "traditionally".

OP, your reasons are your own and they don't need to be "legit" i.e. visa, military, or any of that. I'm eloping solely because I have severe anxiety and planning a large traditional wedding, let alone having the ceremony on front of such a large crowd was too much for me. And I'm eloping at a waterfall, too! I think what you're planning is lovely and if it works for you and that's what you want, then that's awesome. And even more awesome that you get to have an intimate ceremony, but still be able to celebrate at a later date with friends and family.

Then, not than. Than implies a comparison and you are not comparing your wedding to your reception, you are creating a timeline. I'm not trying to be rude, it is a huge pet peeve of mine.

Happy planning!

We are eloping cuz I don't like to be center of attention and I don't want to plan another wedding because I get mad and stressed to easily and I just don't want that to happen again. So for me to do an intimate ceremony and then a celebration of marriage is better for me and everyone else around me so I don't end up getting mad at anyone like I did the last time. I also want this time to be perfect and be stress free.