Wedding Stress vs work stress

I'm frustrated that I can't seem to do anything right, that I've lost my self-confidence, that my co-workers are buddy-buddy with each other and not me (and there are only 4 of us behind the line). But most of all, I'm frustrated that everyone keeps blaming my work stress on wedding stress. Because nothing can change if they think the problem is something that it isn't.

Has anyone else had other stress, performance issues, whatnot blamed on wedding planning? Was it actually wedding related or not? How do you convince your bosses that what they think is wedding stress is not (because for most of the time I've had a lack of mojo I haven't done a whole ton in the wedding department b/c there wasn't a ton to do until this week or so).

When you loose your mojo at work, how do you find it again?

I was in a similar situation.

I hate my job. Never have I worked for such a horrible company under such a poor supervisor.

I have been looking for another job since I started this one (over 2 years ago) but my current job pays really well so I am having a hard time finding something that I can justify taking a huge paycut for.

Needless to say, I am biding my time and doing (basically) just enough to not get fired.

I had a year-end review in July of last year (about 3 months before my wedding) and my boss asked me if I felt my planning a wedding was affecting my performance. I couldn’t believe he had the balls to ask me that. My performance has not changed for the duration of my employment.

I kind of feel like some bosses/supervisors look for employee performance to slip during wedding planning (or other big life events).

I didn’t bother doing any “convincing” to my boss about my work performance with regard to my wedding planning. I just waited for the wedding date to pass. There’s not much you can do or say with coming off as defensive and making him/her think that your performance is related to your wedding planning.

I just had my review. My team lead is out on maternity leave. But she wrote up a thing on me. She said that I have been distracted, luckily I had a really great manager on my side. He went to bat for me and said I was distracted because she wasn't providing the right environment as a lead. I've got a new lead now and am doing much better.

If I might ask, what is your work stress problem?

Nobody can blame my poor work ethic on my wedding..not one person knows I'm getting married..all of my stress is work...unprofessional supervisors that talk shit about everybody..they even talk bad about my supervisor who works another shift ..who I like...

im over this place...I do the minimum, keep my mouth shut and keep getting raises and praises..

Ugh that is the WORST when employers just don't get how much stress their employees are going through and blame it on outside factors. I was in the exact same situation as you (up until March - I got the hell out of that job) except they blamed it on the stress of my mom dying (she died of cancer and was only 56 - I'm 26 - OF COURSE I was sad/stressed/grieving). They barely acknowledged her death and when I would get stressed with work events/tasks, they would just blame it on me being sad about my mom, which was not necessarily true. They couldn't accept that they were creating a really toxic environment for employees. Everyone was burned out, stressed, and often at each others throats. I brought it to my manager a few times and even eventually told her that if things didn't change that I'd have to leave. She didn't do anything about it, really, and when I finally found a new job and told her, she told me she was "surprised" that I was leaving! She obviously wasn't paying attention.

Long story short - if it's a toxic environment, and they're not owning how stressful they make things for employees, you have to get out of there. My new job is like HEAVEN - I had no idea an organization in my field could be so organized, friendly, and supportive after the hell hole I was in. Keep your chin up and put yourself first!

This is actually huge- I'm currently in manager leadership training at work and one of the things is that employees may start at a job for the high pay or good benefits, but that they would stay/leave based on their direct supervisor (blanket statement, but yeah). It's more important to a skilled employee to feel appreciated and cared about, even if they take a small pay cut to find a job that does that for them.

Yea, that's the biggest thing muscularteeth. I don't feel appreciated or cared about and feel like my supervisor doesn't trust me. Stepping back from my conversation with my manager yesterday, I feel better, but I don't see that there was a solution, just that everyone is aware of the issue. I am afraid I may have started drama with my supervisor, which I don't want, but it hard to work with someone that you feel doesn't trust you, especially in a bank. I've been fighting for my mojo and my happiness today and there is improvement, I'm just skeptical of how long it will last.

I'm sorry for your job situation. After many various jobs, I'm a big believer in that the environment you work in is more important than almost anything else. Do you want to change jobs?

Honestly, when my mojo is gone to that point, I look for a new job. I have my days now (in a place I enjoy) where I'm not motivated, but I never feel unappreciated.