Wedding stress - I want to give up

Get an extra gift. I know, don't want them to have a say, don't let them contribute, but even if we don’t take their offer for food, the wedding and reception are also taking place on their property in front of the willow tree their family planted when they built the house, because that has always been FH's dream. Besides getting married by the tree, FH would prefer a courthouse wedding. I’ve had a very strained relationship between my dad and his family for years (made a post about this a week or so ago). I don’t feel like I want them to be there, and thinking of their presence on the day of puts a huge pit in my stomach. I just don’t know how to address this. Overall, I’m just feeling like a big ball of stress and emotion, and I don’t know what to do. I also feel like every time someone asks me how planning is going and I tell them about some of the things I have in mind, I always get a “well that’s cool, but what if you did this or that instead” (about the food we’re serving, choosing a diff venue, décor, etc), so I’ve stopped even talking about it. I feel like throwing in the towel and just going to the courthouse with FH on our wedding date and calling it a day. FH said he is okay with this, but there is obviously still a part of me that wants my “dream wedding”. Someone please help me off the ledge. I want my wedding, but I am just feeling too overwhelmed with things.

Get an officiant, only invite immediate family who you want to be there, get married under the willow tree, then take everyone out to dinner somewhere. You need one bouquet and one boutonniere, a few invites, and the officiant, and you have everything you need to get married.

My FMIL keeps trying to do the same thing with the guest list and just about every decision we make. My Fiance finally talked one on one with her and told her she needed to stop. It is our wedding not hers. She can see her friends on her own time. It is to celebrate our love and our marriage not to catch up with her old friends we don't have a relationship with. Remember girl it is YOUR wedding not hers. You have fun with it. Put your foot down if you have to. It sucks, I know but it makes it alot less stressful. GOOD LUCK!

Nine times out of ten, the OP's answer to their question is in their own text.

Mrs.V -- you wrote, "No, just no. I need a plan..."

There's you're answer -- No, just no. And here's your plan.

You put your foot down. You don't owe a big event to anyone -- especially not to inlaws, and especially when they're floating around vague "contributions". Besides, they're not contributions if the majority of the money is to be used as entrance fees meant to cover the cost of their guests.

Your post shows that you are overwhelmed; you're streaming and in financial turmoil. That sucks. It absolutely sucks. I would tell them, ASAP, that the wedding is what you can afford. Period. If it's 30 people, it will still be your dream wedding. I promise.

Get your arms around this today. You'll gain piece of mind and your planning will be something you enjoy, not something that gives you ulcers.

I have been feeling this way too! You are not alone. I was stressing about everything and I also have a strained/weird relationship with my dad that gives me a pit in my stomach just thinking about the wedding. I suggest taking a week or weekend off from planning. That's what I did. I knitted, watched movies, and played with my pup. Didn't even think about wedding stuff. It really helped. Sometimes you just need to take a break and realize why you're doing all of this. Date night with your FH and relax! Best of luck to you, we still have some time so as long as you have the big stuff done you can relax for a few weeks. Afterward you might be refreshed and ready to conquer everything!

It's hard for parents not to invite their friends to celebrate that their children are getting married. Tell the in laws that you are thankful and appreciate them doing the food, although you want an intimate and smaller wedding. Suggest an announcement for people who aren't coming to the wedding. I remember meeting people I never met the day of my wedding over 21 years ago. Don't stress and enjoy this time. Just remember you will be married soon. About your father, my daughter is getting married and none of my parents will be there. They all passed away early in life. You should make amends and forgive your father. I did. It was rough. I miss my mother dearly. Keep your head high and enjoy your special day. After all this is your day!

I would either go to the courthouse, or just have a very intimate ceremony at your current venue. If the stress is eating at you, maybe you would be more comfortable with just your closest friends and family rather than a bigger event. We're going to the courthouse, where our parents will come see us and then going to Jamaica with a couple from each of our sides for a super intimate ceremony because the THOUGHT of planning a full blown wedding stressed us both out. It's your(and FH) day! Not anyone else's! So just do what makes you happy!

I told my FMIL I need a list of just my FH's side of the family because he wanted to make sure he wasn't leaving anyone out and the rest of our guest list was done. Our venue can hold 250 and we were at about 260 so I figured she'd add less than a dozen and we'd be good because not everybody will come anyway. She hands me a list of like 86 additional people!! We are at 356 now and I'm pissed, but she's mad at me so I don't want to make things worse. I was typing up address Labels and FH was telling me he didn't even know half the people his mom added. So I'm feeling the side eye. The only thing going for me is my location being out of nowhere and thinking a lot of these "distant friends" won't want to travel to the wedding.

I would honestly take a step back from wedding planning right now. Give yourself a week where you don't think about it or do anything at all. Come back with a clearer head and see if that helps. I'm sorry you're so stressed

I would get married under the tree with about 25 guests. You'll get your dream wedding and reduce your stress exponentially.

Did you come up with a budget and guest list before planning for your date in September 2017? Do not give in to inviting people you don't want there (especially not just to get a gift and assuming they won't RSVP yes). If future in laws decide to contribute financially, great, BUT remember that means they have a say and you'll end up back where you are now. It seems like the best thing for you is to keep wedding talk to just you and your future spouse and plan for what you two can afford without anyone else's help. Keep the wedding to what you want, and ensure it's what you can afford to properly host your guests.

What all these people said.

Take a step back, do some self care girl!

Maybe thats a nice bubble bath with a glass of wine. Or a spa day. Whatever makes you feel relaxed. Take some time away from wedding planning. Tell the FH you need to take a break from wedding related things. We picked 2 days out of the week that are dedicated to ABSOLUTELY NO WEDDING TALK. Mondays and Thursdays. No wedding talking, no wedding planning, none of that. We stick to it too. It's nice, then every other day I can be my crazy neurotic self.

When you get back into think of this: when you close your eyes and think of your wedding... who's there? Where are you? What people could you never imagine being without? Those are your people. Think of what is the most important to you.

Sometimes the smaller the wedding the better. You'll have more time to socialize with guests. You'll be surrounded by positive loving people.

Definitely put that foot of yours down. Look into yourself and see what it is you truly want.

Do you want that big wedding?

Do you want that courthouse wedding?

Do you want that willow tree?

If the willow tree is important to FH, then it's important to you. SIt down with him, discuss these issues (try and be calm) and come up with a plan. A real solid plan.

I'm type A, alpha female, very determined person. I knew I wanted our wedding to be 2 years from our engagement date. I found the venue I liked, I took the FH to look at it. He loved it. We booked it. We talked about the aspects that were important to us, and we nailed those down. People are always going to want to give you advice you don't want. ALWAYS. They're always going to turn their noses at something you do that they don't like. Mostly just ignore them, and if you cant... a good solution is the age old "Well that's a lovely idea, and you should definitely do that if you get married!" I'm a bit of a B word so i'm not exactly that nice about it.

Seriously though... one take away from my long rant... SELF CARE. It's #1 most important thing.

As you might imagine, I hear this pretty much every day because we have chosen to market intimate weddings, and every one of my officiants will tell you that they love them. Taking a bubble bath is not going to fix the core issue; whether you want this (and the stress involved) or not. That's a question only you can answer.

Get a great officiant, book a little restaurant, find a musician and a photographer and a dress, invite 30 friends and have a ball. I did four of these weddings between Christmas and New Year's and they were all lovely. (If you're in NJ or NY, I can help you source all kinds of things) You will actually know all the people there, you can spend time with them, and while there still is the stress of planning, it's a fraction of trying to essentially produce a Broadway production for 200 guests with umongous dollars.