Wedding stress and eloping

Honestly, unless YOU and your fiancé really want a wedding, elope instead. It’s a lot of stress. There’s no way we would have endured it if we didn’t both want it. Do not have a wedding for others or you’ll regret it.

I am kinda in the same boat. I was pressured into looking at a venue that didnt have either date i wanted available and decided to do a date i didnt really want. I originally wanted my bridesmaids and fiances groomsmen and both our parents and grandparents at the ceremony to keep it small. I have anxiety about being center of attention in big groups. Both my mom and my fiances mom want their siblings at the wedding which i can understand on his moms side because he has an aunt and uncle which we are close to and do things with regularly but my aunts and uncles i only see once or twice a year so I'm not close to them. So unfortunately I have given in to the pressure because of the stress to having everyone at the ceremony too. Hoping to keep the ceremony is short and sweet to get get it over with and move on with the day. Still have plenty of time to change again tho. Getting married in August 2020.

This is you and your fiance's day, no one elses. No matter what, someone will always have an opinion.

"It was cold"
"The chicken was dry"
"Omg, no open bar?!"
"Gawddd these colors are awful."

Do what you need to do and don't worry about their opinions.

You should read the book, "A Practical Wedding." It has kept me sane. I know that you think this argument is about the wedding, but it's about to turn into one about boundaries. You and your husband are a new family, and you will have to decide how to handle pressure from your parents and in-laws. If getting married at your spot is off the table, tell them that. Tell them that you are happy to have them there and happy to have them involved, but tell them how you want them to be involved. Provide a unified front, and make this a positive experience for everyone. Eloping is a bad idea in this case, because it sounds like you're running away from conflict - not that you really want to elope. What are you going to do when they pressure you to have grandchildren, or not to take a certain job, or to have Christmas at their house? "Run away" will not work for the rest of your marriage, so it's bad precedent now. Besides, I don't know about yours, but my mom would cry if she wasn't able to be there at my wedding. Your family who raised you does have some right to be there to celebrate your special day with you. And, it's possible that they are raising real concerns about the location. Maybe your mom is worried about accessibility or elderly relatives not making it - it is important to create a vision of your wedding with your fiance and then to talk with both families about their visions. Have a list of non-negotiables, but be willing to be flexible.

View Quoted Comment That book sounds helpful! Cyndi does have a good point about using this time to work out boundary-setting as a team.

If you want a wedding, then it can definitely be workable. But if you’ve never really been interested, or you want to elope, then do that.