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Super October 2019

Wedding Stress and Bickering

Kat_, on July 18, 2019 at 8:26 PM Posted in Planning 0 24

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We just found out that our planner had the wrong numbers in and was off by 6k. We are pretty upset but more upsetting is that we keep bickering. This wedding is costing so much and the stress and the checklist and the never ending stuff that needs to be done is wearing on us. We both have very intense careers and the wedding is taking the little energy we have left at the end of every day. We are trying hard to manage it and stay balanced but it’s not even fun anymore. Sucks.

Can anyone share some positivity or shed light or make suggestions that could help? I know I should shift my perspective and come from a place of gratitude but I’m just having a hard time. What is supposed to be a beautiful and romantic is anything but that right now 😢

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24 Comments

Latest activity by Kat_, on July 19, 2019 at 4:29 PM

VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 18, 2019 at 8:28 PM
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Take a vacation! We seriously just spent a weekend by the beach and felt so much better. Especially with two high stress careers it's easy to burn out and bicker, it sounds more like using your last energy everyday is more likely burning you both out.
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Master December 2019
Monique · on July 18, 2019 at 8:38 PM
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Take a break from planning altogether and just spend some time with each other
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Devoted August 2019
Leslie · on July 18, 2019 at 8:38 PM
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Seriously, take time off! I’m planning everything in 3 months pretty much by myself, without even being able to talk to my fiancée every day. When we did talk, we pretty much just bickered for 2 weeks. The only thing keeping us sane is still taking time every now and then to just spend time together and not discuss the wedding. I’ve had to take two weeks off and didn’t do anything wedding related because I just couldn’t take it. It helped tremendously!
I’ve definitely hit a wall with my planning, and I’ve really just stepped back from a lot.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on July 18, 2019 at 8:40 PM
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Planning a wedding can be stressful and then if you add additional financial obligations and high intensity careers that can make things worse. Take a break from the planning if you can and do something fun together. Reconnect without talking about the wedding. Hopefully that will help a bit.
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Super October 2019
Kat_ · on July 18, 2019 at 8:52 PM
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I really wish we could! Man that would be nice. And I think you hit the nail on the head.. we are burned out.
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Super October 2019
Kat_ · on July 18, 2019 at 8:52 PM
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That’s a good idea. Really good idea 💕
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Super October 2019
Kat_ · on July 18, 2019 at 8:55 PM
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I just have so much fear that we will be double crazy busy if we take time off from planning now.. 79 days from the big day. I guess we could do it anyways - seems smart for our current state of mind
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Super October 2019
Kat_ · on July 18, 2019 at 8:56 PM
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I see a theme here and appreciate the advice. I’ll talk with her about taking some time away from it all to recharge and add some romance 💕
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Super October 2019
Kelly · on July 18, 2019 at 9:04 PM
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Take a break from planning, do a date night. We have been feeling burned out from wedding planning, on top of that FH just got audited from the county that we live in - it will be absolutely fine, his work may have billed the wrong county payroll taxes years ago - but we have to locate old leases, W-2 forms, etc. & pay penalties.
However, even with all this we are still going out to our favorite steak house next week. We haven’t been there since NYE bc it’s pricey, but next Wednesday’s marks 1x year since we have been engaged & we want (& need) to enjoy each other & do this.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 18, 2019 at 9:14 PM
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You don't need to go anywhere, have a night in. A picnic, go to your favorite restaurant, a movie. Even just going out with friends and doing nothing. Unwind the mind, it doesn't have to be expensive or crazy.
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Dedicated October 2019
Emily · on July 18, 2019 at 9:47 PM
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I am totally having this same issue. Work and wedding planning fatigue is real. Last night (when I couldn’t fall asleep) I was listening to a modern love episode about platonic life partners and the piece was narrating how it is to spend your life with your best friend. I don’t know what you and FW’s relationship is like, but I’m taking a lot of comfort and knowing that at the end of this all that matters is that I’m making a commitment to my best friend. It’s reminding me to be more generous with myself and my partner. To give him his space and to take mine. I don’t know if that helps, but just know that you aren’t alone!
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Devoted September 2019
McKenzie · on July 18, 2019 at 11:24 PM
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Our planning or wedding work is limited to scheduled days of the week and always at the kitchen table. We may chat about wedding stuff at other times, but it's always the fun stuff. It has helped us keep focus on our relationship and regular life.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 19, 2019 at 12:08 AM
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Don't forget to take a break when you need and just go on a date night where there's no wedding talk.
I had booked a couples massage for us so we could just relax amidst the planning
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Expert August 2019
Tris · on July 19, 2019 at 2:09 AM
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Wonderful suggestions upthread! Take a break, you both deserve it. A date night or weekend away would be nice. I'm 3 weeks away from the wedding and have like 5 projects to finish 😬. We have a date night set up for next Friday though.

I am so sorry your planner was wrong! Shouldn't she be shouldering more of this stress? Isn't that what you hired her for?
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on July 19, 2019 at 2:38 AM
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We are bickering, too.
A lot of it is simply that we both have different ideas and backgrounds, and sometimes with our schedules and stress we just don't communicate well.
Take a deep breath. Take a night off. Then, go back with pledges to be super duper clear on what it is you need/want/are asking.
When I really don't know what FH wants, he just says he wants to know I'm his wife. That helps calm ME down, and then we can figure out what it is that is out of focus or off-kilter.
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Dedicated August 2020
Madison · on July 19, 2019 at 8:54 AM
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Everything PP have stated.. Also, something that helps us are dedicated planning days. That way, we are both mentally prepared to talk about the wedding, planning, and the details that come with all of it.
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Super October 2019
Kat_ · on July 19, 2019 at 4:21 PM
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Oh man, I’m sorry you guys are going through that! I hope it passes soon and you can get back to normal. Sending you positive vibes!
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Super October 2019
Kat_ · on July 19, 2019 at 4:22 PM
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We are SO doing that this weekend. After we figure out what to do with the planner I guess.
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Super October 2019
Kat_ · on July 19, 2019 at 4:23 PM
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I’m sorry you guys are having the same issues... but you have great perspective. I’m marrying my best friend and nothing will overshadow that. You’re right! 💗
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Super October 2019
Kat_ · on July 19, 2019 at 4:24 PM
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Maybe we need more rigor around our daily wedding standup. Maybe we limit it to every other day. Great ideas ☺️
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