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Expert June 2021

Wedding soon after a loss in the family

on April 5, 2021 at 5:18 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 5
So I just got word that one of my mother’s sisters passed away today. And I’m honestly In so much shock. The last 13 months have been so trying and losing another aunt it’s just... it’s hard to wrap my head around. I’m scared for my mom. I’m scared that this grief is too much for her. She already has so many health conditions and she is still working through the grief from the loss of her other sister in 2017 and then her sister’s son took his life in 2018. My family is still working through that pain. My mother is 1 of 12 siblings. 7 sisters and 4 brothers. She was just on the phone with this aunt last night and now she is gone. And I can’t believe she is gone. Suddenly this wedding feels so minuscule and silly to be planning and the guilt of planning a wedding while my family grieves is hitting me. Alterations were this Saturday with my mom and I feel like it is too soon to bother her about wedding stuff. I want to tell her she doesn’t have to worry about accompanying me. The last thing I want is to bombard her with wedding stuff when she is trying to come to terms with the loss of another sister. I just don’t know how to navigate this. I am sad for my family for our loss and terrified for the grief my mother feels. She didn’t need another heartbreak yet here we are in isolation and grieving.


Has any other couple had a loss in the family so close to the wedding? How did you cope and navigate your way through? How did you deal with the guilt. It feels like I shouldn’t be happy right now not when my family is in mourning.

5 Comments

Latest activity by Adriana, on April 5, 2021 at 8:50 PM
  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    I’m so sorry for your loss and pain. What I have found is that people want joy and a reason to celebrate, especially with family. Although it is tragic, I’m sure everyone will be overjoyed not only for you and your FH but also to have the positive family time together. Sorry again for your loss.
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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    I’m sorry for your loss.


    Your mom might welcome the distraction. Just have a conversation with her. And your wedding isn’t minuscule. It’s an important event to be celebrated with your family. Yes the minute details may be unimportant, but the overall event is not. Don’t feel bad for planning. Your event could be the bright joyful spot that your family needs. But, don’t feel bad about taking a break from it if you need time to grieve as well. Not sure when your wedding is, but even if it’s close a small break to grieve and be with family is fine. Your self care is important.
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  • C
    Devoted September 2022
    Carissa ·
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    We lost our grandpa, the absolute heart of our family, just 2 months before my cousins wedding- the FIRST grandchild to get married. Yes it was bittersweet for everyone being there without him, but it was very welcome to have some joy and celebration within the family again. It's a reminder that although there is heartbreak and sadness is life, there is also plenty of joy and happy moments. She may even see the wedding as one beacon of light amongst the sadness. I say go ahead with everything, keep planning, but make it clear to her if something (like alterations) seems too difficult in that moment, you understand.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I'm so sorry for your loss and all of your family's losses that feel like they are stacking up on you. It's so sweet of you to worry about your mom and what she could handle right now. For the short term (appointments, decisions, etc.), can you express to your mom that you don't want to overwhelm her with wedding stuff so you are fine to go alone? But also you don't want to decide for her, so assure her that it's her choice, and she can even decide to go (or not go) at the last minute and you'll understand.

    As for the wedding itself, I sincerely hope that the sharpness of grief will lessen a little bit between now and then, and you will all be able to celebrate together on the day.

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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. This didn't happen to me or anyone close to me, but I would think the wedding would actually give your mom and the rest of your family something positive and happy to look forward to and focus on rather than your aunt's sudden passing.

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