Wedding Shower

I wouldn't recommend it. That is usually frowned upon.

Yes, I think this would be frowned upon since they're excluded from the wedding itself. I thought about suggesting and "I Do BBQ" but it's still a wedding event... I don't know. If they're invited to a wedding event they should be invited to the wedding even if they don't come.

Agree- even if you know they can’t come to the wedding, they should get an invite.

I would just invite them to the wedding, especially if you're saying you know most of them won't make it. That way you could invite them to the couples shower as well

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I think that is a great idea, to go ahead and invite them! Plus, they may surprise me and attend

People host showers all the time because they want to celebrate with you and they are fully aware they are not invited and it's more rude to not graciously accept those. Churches, coworkers, social groups all host showers and none of them are typically invited to the wedding. Accept the party and enjoy yourself.

I wouldn't recommend it. I would be pretty offended if I were invited to someone's shower but not the wedding.

No and no.


Inviting someone to a shower but not a wedding is saying, "Come give me a gift to celebrate a bigger event to which you are not invited." In your case, you're also asking people to travel interstate for a party that will only last a couple of hours.
Don't invite someone to a wedding unless you know for a fact you can accommodate them.
Do not put info about your shower on your wedding website, unless every single guest who is invited to the wedding is also invited to the shower. Nonetheless, I feel putting info about a shower on a website is overkill and overemphasizes the importance of a shower. A shower is supposed to be an easy, local event.

View Quoted Comment I do agree with this. As the bride, you only show up to the shower (in addition to registering and providing the hosts with a date you are available). The shower information does not go anywhere on your website nor do you mention it to people or invite them. That is up to the hosts' capacity and budget.

No, you really shouldn't have the shower mixing those invited, and those not.
And invitations for showers come from the hostesses giving the party, not you. So info does not belong on your website, or invitation packet, not anywhere.
And saying, well I'll send an invite even though they cannot possibly come, misses the point. Anyone can send a wedding gift to people marrying, If they feel close and wish them well. But invitations to a shower are for only your nearest and dearest, who are being asked to give a second gift. When the very set up of your destination wedding makes it impossible to attend a wedding they would certainly want to attend if within a day's drive/ short flight. Feels like being invited to go with all the other girls shopping for a prom dress, when you are the only one not going. Standard rules of etiquette, not just weddings, but any special event: you never mix haves with have nots. you don't talk about an upcoming event with those attending, in front of those not invited. And what will the whole focus of the shower be? NO.

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Exactly this

For me, it really depends. Is your intimate ceremony family only? Or will other friends that will be attending the shower, also be attending the wedding? If so, I would feel weird that I was invited to a shower and not the wedding when my other friends were.

That being said, if it's just family going to the wedding then I wouldn't have a problem being invited to just the shower. Our friends are eloping and had a shower and I didn't feel upset at the slightest.

Just because you're having an intimate ceremony, or eloping, doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to have parties and celebrate with your loved ones. But that's just my opinion lol.

Do people send out wedding announcements to everyone that they are going to invite? I feel like that is the same thing. Especially since it will be in another location. Get everyone together to have a pre celebration, thats what’s its for right, celebrating/honoring you guys

View Quoted Comment Church groups, co-workers, sports tes, all kinds of subsets of bride's friends do give showers. But those are not given by family, bridesmaids, or anyone with anything to do with the wedding. They are groups who all know up front they are not invited to the wedding, who throw a completely separate shower. So they do not mix with those going. And they usually have a gift limit, $5-10, or take a collection. So the gift from 10 or 30 whatever equals one or two shower gifts, and often part of the collection is used to feed everyone. That is not reason to okay people holding a shower for wedding guests, and adding a couple not invited, who would feel shamed if the give a token gift, and spend the whole time focused on a party they cannot go to. It is really bad advice to mix someone who can't go with those invited.