Wedding Shower, Std, Wedding rsvp Etiquette

Is this type of thing just blatantly disrespectful? Short answer, yes. Couples should ALWAYS be invited together, regardless of whether or not they live together. Couples are a social unit and a package deal. I'm so sorry your future sister-in-law is so rude.

Yes, super disrespectful. So what if you weren't living together at the time? Couples, regardless of how long they have been together, are a package deal and you should have been included from the start. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this rudeness

Yes, it is rude. My only thought is maybe they had to make cuts to their guest list because of Covid so they decided to only invite couples that are married, engaged or live together.

Even if you weren't living together, this would have been disrespectful. There is no excuse for the couple denegrating your relationship because you haven't hit some arbitrary milestone they've decided on. Your fiance needs to have some serious words with his brother.

Yes it’s rude & I’m in the same boat. His parents send a Christmas card & every year it’s just addressed to my fiancé & his son (who’s 22 & has lived on his own since he was 18). My fiancé & I have been together since 1999.

View Quoted Comment I don't think we should disrespect couples because of covid. I didn't at my minimony. Committed couples deserve to come together

So basically your future brother-in-law doesn’t want you at his wedding... that is incredibly rude. Hopefully your fiancé declines... I know my fiancé would not attend if I was not invited! Wow, what a situation.

View Quoted Comment Oh I completely agree, but maybe that was their reasoning even though I don't agree with it.

Yes that is very rude and disrespectful. Unless your fiance resolves it with sister in law, I would decline and don't give it a second thought. She has made it clear you're not invited.

Unfortunately many brides here on WW in various posts use the same criteria for inviting guests despite being told otherwise. A couple is a social unit regardless of long or short they have been together, their living situation, or whether the bride and groom have met both of them. Not even Covid can be used as an excuse for doing this. It is completely unacceptable all around This is a clear example of why the "you're not engaged/cohabitating" doesn't work in addition to why keeping etiquette during a pandemic is vital.

Best of luck with your decision.

Wow that's incredibly rude. I hope your fiance has a serious talk with them

Very hurtful. Blatantly rude. Just remember, Karma is a ........

Couples can certainly invite whoever they want at their wedding. But with that said, especially the fact that you guys are engaged and live together, if they can’t invite both of you then they shouldn’t invite any of you. Especially the fact that it’s your fiancé’s brother! Wow! There definitely sounds like there’s more to the story here. Is it possible that you might be leaving out key details? I just find this very hard to believe that you wouldn’t be considered a must have on the list…
I wasn’t invited to my fiancé‘s cousins wedding a few years back and my fiancé didn’t go because he was insulted. I didn’t mind, but felt good that he stuck by me. How does your fiancé feel about this?
I have to say it is pretty disrespectful however it might be due to Covid restrictions as well, but even still, I’m dealing with Covid restrictions right now too and I’m not dumb enough to not invite people who live together. That’s just asking for problems

Remember this when you write up YOUR guest list LOL. And no I’m sorry I don’t think you should be the “bigger person” by putting her on the list. Snub her just like she snubbed you. When she asks you why she’s not invited you can just tell her that you are only inviting people that you know LOL! And then take it as far as inviting a random neighbor down the street and rubbing it in her face haha! #Karma

It may be that she simply has no idea of proper manners, that as an established couple you are invited as a couple to all formal events. STD do not count, and Showers do not count, but for the wedding invitation, wherever you live, together or separately, your name should be on the invitation. You are not a plus one or guest, that is a date for a single person. You are a Significant Other, SO, half of an established couple. Boyfriends/Girlfriends, not formally engaged, or engaged couples do not have to be living together to be an established couple. .. Or if she is not ignorant of the proper etiquette, then she is deliberately rude. STD are an informal communication, and need not be sent at all. If sent, they may be sent only to those who need long term advance knowledge for work or travel. It is often sent only to the principal people in a couple, who then may contact the couple for further info. Showers are for the very closest friends or family women of the family, most often, and usually each person is invited separately. Girlfriends of family or of FI friends, or wives, are not included unless they as individuals are among the very closest of the bride's friends. Does not sound like you. 🙂 So she was fine til she did not issue the invitation for two to the wedding. Very few families I have known have invited siblings to the RD when not in the wedding. If it is a formal dinner, and siblings are invited, you should be invited too. If it is strictly for those in the wedding and their SO, or if just those at the rehearsal are stopping for a quick casual pizza or cookout, casual meal, that may not be a couples event either. Have your honey ask if she is ignorant, or rude, not to have issued the wedding invitation with your name on it.

This is incredibly, incredibly rude and is the type of situation that happens when couples give arbitrary cut-offs to relationships that they are willing to honor. So what that you weren’t living together when the guest list was made? What if you didn’t believe in living together before marriage?


This is why you ALWAYS invite the boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse of a main guest of yours, no matter what state you think their relationship is. Your fiancé needs to step up and talk to his brother. His brother is the groom and needs to put his foot down that you are on the guest list.
And remember this feeling for your wedding. Always invite your guests’ significant others.

Definitely there is some level of disrespect going on here. You guys are a couple which means you are a package deal a social unit and need to be respected as such. The amount of time you have been with your significant other or your living situation does not give people the opportunity to disregard your relationship. Your fiance should tell his brother that you guys are a package deal and if you aren't welcome to the wedding then he won't be there either. He needs to put his foot down with them.