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Savvy October 2019

Wedding shower gifts? To expect or not to expect?

Melanie, on August 22, 2019 at 6:01 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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My sis, also my MOH, surprisingly printed on the wedding shower invites that “the bride requests no gifts”. A friend texted me to ask if it’s ok if she does, with me responding with a surprise face emoji.

Backstory: my wedding is a halfsies destination wedding. I live far from all family, lots of friends, and know that those flying in are spending a great deal of time and money for this wedding. My sister (MOH) and I talked about how, while getting gifts is amazing, I don’t expect any. I’ve never mentioned not wanting any. As I type this, I sound selfish and a little greedy, but I ask extremely little of the family and friends and want to set myself up for things I know I would never get for myself or our future home.

So question: is there any way to reverse this without sounding like a greedy bridezilla? Am I being ridiculous for being upset with my sister for not checking with me first before printing the invitations? I feel like now, I’m either getting nothing or those that i don’t talk with about this are going to feel like they should have when some arrive with gifts.

Ugh. Sister life.

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6 Comments

Latest activity by earias, on August 23, 2019 at 1:22 AM

VIP October 2020
Samantha · on August 22, 2019 at 7:16 AM
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Your sister should have checked with you before printing the invitations. That said, if the invitations have been sent out you may be past the point of no return. It would be rude to contact your guests to request a gift.
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VIP June 2020
Jessica · on August 22, 2019 at 8:19 AM
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Your sister should have asked. But reaching out to everyone is kind of rude in a scene. If people text you and ask I would just give them your registry information and say something like I do not expect gifts and just want to see you, but if you would like to bring something here is my registry. If you don't have a registry, I am sure this is why your sister said what she said. If you do have one and she didn't include it I would just bring it up to her and tell her that people are texting you asking about gifts and ask why she did'nt include the registry.
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Super October 2019
Sara · on August 22, 2019 at 8:39 AM
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Yeah, she definitely should have run that past you. If you don't have a registry already, definitely start making one just in case people want to get you something anyways. And if you get no gifts at the shower, hopefully your guests will still give you gifts for the wedding.
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on August 22, 2019 at 10:38 AM
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What is the purpose of the wedding shower if there are no gifts? You aren't a bridezilla for wanting gifts; it's natural. I'm sure your sister just thought that is what you meant after y'all talked. But yes, she should of double checked with you first.....I think it's just an honest mistake though. However, I don't think there is anyway to reverse it. At this point, I would just try not to dwell on it and hope for the best.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on August 22, 2019 at 11:44 AM
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It would be super odd to come to a shower and not bring a gift, so it's nice you didn't expect gifts since people are traveling but having a shower at all implies the couple wants gifts. So I could see how your sister would want to print that on the invites if you discussed with her not expecting them. I would think there is no way to reverse this.
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Champion December 2017
earias · on August 23, 2019 at 1:22 AM
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I'm assuming your shower guests are your nearest and dearest. If so, then I could see a way to correct this would be through word of mouth starting with your sister to your next closest guest (mom, best friend, etc.) simply clarifying that you could use a few things and you have registered at xyz place. Hopefully the word spreads. It would be very strange to go to a shower emptyhanded when the purpose of a shower (and the origin of the party) is to "shower" the bride with gifts.
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