Wedding Shower Advice!

I get that you’re inviting people to a reception, presumably delayed. Unfortunately, it’s not proper to host your own shower or to include anyone not invited to the wedding, ie marriage ceremony. The entire purpose of a shower is gifts so it would likewise make no sense to label it a “no gifts” event. Not to mention that gifts are not only always the prerogative of the giver, but obligatory once you call it a shower.


If you want an event to celebrate with everyone it would be a celebration of marriage afterwards. But again, anyone invited to a pre-wedding event must also be invited to the wedding.

It sounds to me like you're planning a reception, not a shower. I think you should call it that or a wedding celebration or something along those lines.

I'm confused on whether you're planning a shower, reception or both 🤔

The etiquette surrounding who can be invited to pre wedding parties assumes that all guests are invited to both ceremony and reception held on the same day as was the standard preCovid. Even though some people choose to have private ceremonies with one group and a reception months or a year+ later with a different group doesn’t negate that original etiquette from existing. At the same time, neither are those who follow the ceremony and reception and reception on one day bad people as some like to claim because they don’t agree with how post Covid events are held.


In your situation, only those attending your small ceremony should be invited to any shower. It has always been polite for coworkers, fellow people you worship with and social groups (book clubs, etc) to host a shower for you, with the understanding that they know they are not invited to your wedding but want to celebrate with you regardless.