Wedding Ruined

Literally my face when you wrote your mom would ditch your wedding to go to the hospital. I’m so sorry you’re going through so many ups and downs with your wedding plans. I’m sorry for the loss of your father. Girl, your feelings are totally valid. In my opinion, since you won’t have your dad on your special day I feel like it’s even more important that your mom be there.

Ugh! You are entitled to your feelings. This sucks. No, your sister didn’t intentionally plan the birth of her baby to ruin your wedding but understand you would be upset to not have her or her hubby there (uh, I have no idea why your mom would need to ditch your wedding even if your sister gives birth on your wedding day!).


I say cry it out for now. Once your head clears you can figure out what to do. Keep your date. Move it to a different date. Scrap the whole thing & elope. Just don’t plan your wedding to please others or put expectations on others. Do it for you & your partner.

View Quoted Comment Thanks girl. I really dont know what to do. I just feel like they are focused on their own worlds. Like even the way they did it was oh btw shes pregnant but it hasnt been 3 months so dont tell anyone. Which means i cant even reach out to friends at such a time for support. And when I mentioned my feelings to my mum she was like whats the matter just move the date heaps of people had to move the date for corona virus. And then i was speaking to my other sister and shes just like yeah get youre mad but kids are a gift. So its like I want to be happy for my sister and excited with her and I feel guilty that im not but im just so angry at them all.

View Quoted Comment Gosh I’m so sorry. I honestly would feel the exact same way as you do. I understand that there’s nothing your pregnant sister can do. What’s done can’t be undone, but I would expect your mom and sister to have a little bit more compassion for you. Wedding planning is supposed to be fun! (With a little bit of stress lol) but with the COVID-19 throwing everyone’s wedding plans for a loop I would think they would be a little nicer. To ask to move your date seems insensitive to me. And let’s just say worst case scenario your sister does go into labor on your wedding day, but is in labor for 20 hours, hypothetically. Your mom is going to miss your wedding to sit in a hospital room when they don’t know when the baby might arrive?! Lol

I am sorry you are feeling this way and for the loss of your dad. But as someone who has been struggling to conceive, I would be very upset if my sibling considered me having a baby as a problem that might interfere with their wedding. That being said you can't expect people to put their lives on hold because you are getting married. I'm not sure of your sister's situation, but her pregnancy is something to be celebrated not angry about.

View Quoted Comment Hi Veronica,


I understand that 100%. But the way they have gone about telling me and dealing with the situation is the worst part of it all. They havn't shown compassion. Mum is expecting me to move my life around my sister which makes me feel like my life events are less important than hers. They told me before the 3 month point and said dont tell anyone about it so ive been left unable to speak with my friends about the situation to find a solution or help work through my feelings. Her husband has been joking about not being able to go to the wedding.

I definitely don't think your family should be making you feel like your event is less important than her having a baby, but maybe they don’t realize that is how they have made you feel. My guess is that they are asking you to move the wedding because all joking aside neither of them might be able to attend depending on when she gives birth. If that is the case, only you can decide how you would feel if your sister and brother-in-law couldn't be at your wedding. If that is something you wouldn't be okay with then I would probably consider moving it. Another thing to think about is that a lot of women struggle to conceive and you may not fully know your sister’s situation. My sister-in-law tried for years and had multiple miscarriages including one weeks before my wedding. She wasn’t able to attend my bacherlotte party because she was dealing with the side effects from the miscarriage. I was one of the few people she shared her struggles with. She didn’t even tell her brother (my husband) because she was so selective with who she wanted to know. I myself haven’t shared my struggles with a lot of people. If your sister has had a hard time conceiving that could be why she is acting the way she is or is holding off on telling a lot of people before she is too far along. My husband’s groomsman didn’t tell people for months that his wife was pregnant. He confided in my husband and I months before everyone else and we had to keep it a secret until he eventually told everyone. His wife was considered high risk so they wanted to wait. I would probably choose to wait due to the problems I have been having.

I am sorry for you. That’s a lot to digest for a bride to be. I just hope everything gets better. I think you need to allow yourself to mourn your dad.

😑 pushed the button unintentionally.


What I was about to write was:
Allow time to mourn, and distract yourself with happy things. I know this is hard but don’t let others play with your happiness.

So I see two options.
1. I would talk with your sister and maybewould nicely remove your sister from your wedding party. Explain that you know she will be busy and with her new baby. But I would have a sit down with your mom and tell her how you are feeling and that you are not changing your wedding for your sister and that it is selfish to even ask or think. If not include your future mother in law in your big day plans so you can have the support you need. Mother in laws love being included especially if they don’t have daughters, if they do then they know what you need.

Option 2: If your sister gives birth before your wedding, maybe she can leave the baby with her in laws long enough to come to the wedding and be the moh and then the husband could even leave to be with the baby. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.

I would still make sure to celebrate your big day as much as you can and your bridesmaids should make it about you and not her especially at your shower.

I'm sorry you feel like your family isn't prioritizing you. But just taking your post title at your word, if you let this ruin your wedding, you are only hurting yourself. For yours and your future spouse's sake, you NEED to find a way to move past this and still celebrate your wedding as planned.

View Quoted Comment Hi Veronica,


From my knowledge and my sister is pretty open with the family on these things is that she already has a 2 year old daughter who they conceived in a few months. They told us they started trying a few months ago for a second and now they have conceived. I understand that she didnt purposfuly pick the date but also she kept going knowing the wedding day and the risks with it. It wouldnt have been an issue if she was pregnant during the wedding but the high risk of her missing the wedding is heartbreaking.
This is also not a one time thing of this sort of behaviour. She has always been loud and demanding for attention throughout our lives and mum has always prioritised her needs and events over mine. I have felt neglected for as long as i remember. And at this point i feel like its taken a step too far and permanent damage has been done to our relationship.
I feel heartbroken because before i was struggling with the thoughts of dad not being there and now my mum, sister and brother in law may not be there.

View Quoted Comment Yes i agree, i have been thinking about it a lot and talking to my partner. We agreed on not moving the wedding date as i am not going to have my life revolve around my sisters.


I guess what im feeling now is that the wedding itself is not ruined but my relationship with my family is.

View Quoted Comment I totally get that you are hurting, but just like you don't want to put your life on hold because she is having a baby, she didn't want to put her life on hold because you are getting married. I don't feel either of you should have had to put your lives on hold for the other. Her decision to continue trying to conceive is her and her husband's decision alone. She had no way of knowing how long it would take. Just because she concieved the first one rather quickly doesn't mean that would be the case with the second. My mom was eighteen when she had me and it definitely wasn't planned. When she decided to have another baby, it took her five years of trying. Also, given that you knew she was trying to have a baby, it shouldn't be a surprise that she is pregnant. At least she was honest with you about her intentions to try to have a baby before she started to try. She didn't even have to tell you she was and she could have completely blindsided you thst she was pregnant. I agree you shouldn't have to move your wedding, but I also agree she shouldn't have to put her future on hold because of your wedding. I know my mother-in-law wanted my husband and I to stop trying to conceive at one point because she was planning a vacation and she didn't want to be on vacation when I gave birth. All that did was anger both of us and we didn't stop trying. In fact, I told my husband if she kept trying to push the issue I was going to snap at her. I think you need to focus on the fact that you are marrying the love of your life rather than your sister's pregnancy. I also think you need to come to terms with the fact that either you can let this ruin your relationship with your sister or accept that she made a decision based on what she and her husband want for their future. I highly doubt she decided to get pregnant just to hurt you. Most people don't get pregnant as a way to hurt others. Based on what you have said, it also sounds like she might not have been the best person for you to pick as your matron of honor because it sounds like you have some deep seeded issues with her that maybe you should talk to a therapist about. I think it is very unhealthy for you to feel like you are almost competing for a spotlight with your sister. My sister has always tried to make our lives a competition. She has always tried to bet my brother and I at whatever we are doing. At first that really bothered me, but the only person she was hurting was herself because she was trying to race through life. Hell she forced her ex-fiance to propose because my brother got engaged. They ended up breaking up because her ex resisted her for forcing him to propose. I can also tell you my sister and I haven't spoken in months and we don't really plan to anytime soon. She has said and done truly awful things that have caused a ton of people a lot of pain. If your sister was doing what my sister has done then I could understand your feelings, but she hasn't.

View Quoted Comment Hi Veronica.


A lot of what youre saying is very true and I am definately learning a lot. I do agree it is the choice of her and her husband and I am now coming to the understanding and change of thinking that from this point forward my focus is my fiance and our life instead of my siblings and I made the mistake of putting my sister first for the longest time thinking that she would do the same.
Me and my fiance did know that they were trying however when we spoke about it last she calculated the months where she would need to stop trying in order to avoid the wedding so we were blind sided.
What you were saying about your sister reminds me of my mum. She pits us against each other and picks favourites and it is very negative and i guess that in part the negativity i feel from that has shifted towards my sister. I definitely competed with my sister when i was younger but after getting together with my fiance I confronted that and I have picked my path in life which is very different to hers and which I love.
The more I think about it the more I realise that the biggest thing that has been hurting me is the fact that my dad wont see me as a bride and i guess i had the thought in my head that having my family there would fill the void but thats not possible.
If I focus soley onIy the things she has done to upset me it would be the fact that although i know she has other things on her mind but I do find it upsetting that she hasnt spoken to me about the wedding since so that we can discuss a plan. And it has upset me and my fiance at how her husband has been joking about the whole situation and laughing at the fact that they might miss the wedding even though he is a groomsmen and I was going to ask him to walk me down the aisle (i know it sounds like i hate them but i am really close to my family and i think its just the build up of everything coming together).
I dont regret my decision of making her a maid of honour because she has been super helpful up until this point but I did mention to her before she got pregnant that if she was going to be heavily pregnant at the wedding I would think its best to remove her from the bridal party because she would struggle. But now at the mention of that she gets upset.
Sorry for being all over the place. Theres just so much going on all at once that ive been struggling to disentangle my emotions.