Wedding planning without mom.

I am in almost the EXACT same situation as you except I don't have a sister to lean on.

My mother passed away in 2006 and I don't think I have fully grieved her loss. BUt this wedding planning has really sent me over the edge, I cannot tell you how many breakdowns I have had during the wedding planning process.

I have leaned on the support system I have and that has really helped. Lean on that sister of yours, even though your FMIL is a little over bearing, embrace it. - You should know more than anyone to cherish the ones you love. She is just wanting whats best.

Whatever you do though. Stay strong & know she is with you.

I lost my mother 10+ years before my wedding. I'm sure planning you wedding is very emotional to start with and dealing with her loss is raw all over again. It's great that there are other women that are supporting you and of course, they aren't your mom. I'm sure your wedding day will be bittersweet and that you will find a special way to honor your mom's memory. We are here for you in Cyberland.

I so hear you about rejecting maternal influence! My mom passed just a little less then 10 years ago and sometimes I just forget what it's like to have a mom! My MIL reminded me, and honestly I had to just let her and deal with it because (with mine anyway) it comes from a good place (even though it makes me shiver a little when she calls me her daughter). At the same time, I have absolutely no issue setting boundaries with everyone, so I didn't have a problem being kind but firm about certain things I didn't want to have a part of. If you are going to have children, you need to learn to do that now anyway!

In terms of including her, I'm not gonna lie, there was a lot of crying and moments of just dreading not having her and my dad there. Once the day of came though, I was just so incredibly happy and thrilled to marry this miracle man that brought so much happiness back into my life that nothing could really dampen that. I did do charms for both of them on my bouquet and kept it close to me all night, so they were with us the whole time, and then H put the charms ribbon on our christmas tree (we got married 12/21) and we will always have it there now to remember.

Good luck, and congratulations! You can do this!

I am so very sorry you’re going through this.

My father died in 2001, when I was 16. Wedding planning has definitely reopened up some feelings. I’ve had a few nights where I started picturing my wedding day without him and just completely broken down. It’s been hard.

My advice? Open up to your future spouse. I have never talked about my dad much to FH, it’s always been a sensitive subject for me because in a lot of ways I’m still grieving even though it’s been 17 years. I’ve opened up more with wedding planning though, and having him to talk to has been helpful. Also, let yourself be sad at times. It’s ok to miss your mom more than ever during all of this.

I plan to attach a charm to my bouquet with a photo of my dad in it. Maybe something like this would work for you as a way to incorporate your mother into your day. Or if you have a piece of clothing that was hers, you could see a bit into your dress?

Charms

I meant to add a pic of the charms!

Take the FMIL help, suggestions and everything as it comes from a great place. Nothing says you have to do everything she says, you wouldn't do it if you mother told to you anyways..lol...

As for how to include your mother you can use photo charms for your bouquet, pictures on a table, a empty chair in the first row where you could place a rose in remembrance. You can let balloons go, butterflies, an officiant say something about people who are in heaven. There are numerous ways to incorporate her into your day. You just need to decide what things you wish to have that day.

My mom died 16 years ago. In many ways I do feel like I'm grieving her over again. There is just so much emphasis put on the role of the MoB. It's just a reminder that I don't have her and my FH never had the chance to meet her. I feel like he's missing out on knowing a piece of me. My situation is a little different, because my dad remarried 13 years ago and I'm now close with my step mom (it's still not my mom, and my step mom is very different than my mom was) and my FMIL is helpful without being intrusive. Would you feel comfortable talking to your FMIL and letting her know how it's been hard for you without your mom and sometimes you just need some space? My sisters are going to be lighting a candle for my mom at the start of our ceremony and then we are going to put that on our sweetheart table so I can feel like she is with us all night. It's definitely not easy planning without a parent. It brings up all new feelings even when you've made peace or it's been a while. I talk to my FH about it to help me process my feelings. I talk to my sisters. I just try to remind myself that my mom would want me to be happy and want me to have an amazing day. I do believe that she will be watching over me that day. Hang in there and focus on your love for FH and all the positive of the day.

Thank you everyone for your ideas