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Dedicated September 2020

Wedding Planning with No Friends

Amanda, on February 5, 2020 at 11:44 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 2 16
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So, my MOH is my sister, who lives across the country from me and works hours that make it hard for us to talk. My sister in law is a BM and is NOT into planning/shopping at all, one friend who works crazy hours and opposite of my schedule, and my 13 yr old niece... I am not very social and don't have many friends...

So needless to say, no bridal shower. No bachelorette party. Wedding dress shopping consists of me and my mother... I obviously knew when I asked these ladies to be part of my day that it would be like this. Nobody can change who they are, the hours they work, or where they live - especially not for someone else's wedding. But I just have to admit, I am kind of bummed by having to do all the planning without getting anyone who is excited about it with me... Anyone else in a similar situation?

16 Comments

  • Latonya
    Devoted April 2021
    Latonya ·
    • Flag

    Yup.

    my MOH lives 45 min from me and all my other BM are in VA, NJ, respectively. I live in central NY.

    I am planning our wedding alone. Dont care about a bridal shower or anything tbh but im not bummed. The ladies and I do talk bc we have a group chat going.

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  • A
    Dedicated September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    My family is "redneck" and this will be the first "real" wedding (at a venue, white dress, etc). So nobody is really concerned with planning/ they think I am doing too much and that none of it really matters except the I do part... I've ALWAYS dreamed of having a big wedding, and so they are no help at all with any of it.
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  • Latonya
    Devoted April 2021
    Latonya ·
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    I feel you. I am paying for my wedding and don't expect anyone to assist w/ anything. I am also the first of the grand daughters to have a wedding. I wanted my magical day to and we are doing just that. Im sorry they aren't any help. It can be stressful yes, do a little at a time.

    You (we) got this!

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I had a lot of local bridesmaids but there were times I felt they were totally unenthusiastic about it. So people come to learn that not many get as excited for your wedding as you do unfortunately.
    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Rockstar September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    I know how you feel. I went dress shopping alone and didn't have a bridal party. We did choose my cousin and his dad to be our honorary MOH (in a different state) and BM (local) but only as a way to let them know how important they are to us. They had no roles, duties, special attire etc. My "MOH" did plan a couples shower for us but we never asked for one or expected it. We both have siblings but they are always doing their own thing so it was just easier for us to just leave everyone out of it so there were no expectations. I will say that no one will be as excited for your wedding as you will and realistically no one else should be planning your wedding but you. Movies, magazines, tv and social media make weddings seem like they're this big group affair with lots of parties, gatherings and crafting sessions but they really aren't. You have every right to feel bummed out as we all want to have those special moments but just keep focused on your big day and know that everyone that is special to you will be there supporting you.

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  • A
    Dedicated September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    This is true. I think it is just frustrating because I do genuinely get excited for other people's happiness and go out of my way to be supportive and attentive when someone needs it. Which I know is also just part of who I am, not who they are which is totally fine. I love each of them exactly as they are, it is just a buzz kill during this stage.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
    • Flag
    I live across the country and don’t have friends out here. I planned by myself, occasionally texting my moh. My husband wasn’t good at participating. So that’s why I spent all my time on here lol
    • Reply
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
    • Flag

    Sure am! I recently graduated from college (back in May), moved to a place where I know no one, and started a new job. I live in Texas, my sister/Matron of honor lives in India, ones bridesmaid lives in Ireland, my other MOH is 2 hours away, and then I have multiple bridesmaids scattered around Texas (4 hours, 3 hours, 3 hours, and 5 hours). My parents also live 5 hours away. I am fortunate enough that they have already planned a bach party and bridal shower for me but we definitely haven't planned anything together. I've done my thing and they've done theirs.

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    I know how you feel, it sucks. But also remember that like tv shows and movies give an unrealistic expectation as to how often the bride’s friends are around helping with wedding stuff. Just be glad you have a mom who is around to help, and a fiancé!
    • Reply
  • Patricia
    Dedicated September 2020
    Patricia ·
    • Flag

    I completely understand. I'm at a similar place too. My mom lives 3.5 hrs away from me, and my side of the family lives in Venezuela. My FMIL who is like a 2nd mother to me went dress shopping with me and gifted me my wedding dress. My FH's sister (who's 19) is my only BM and my best friend (who lives in New Mexico) is my MOH. I won't have a bridal shower, or bachelorette party or friends to share my excitement with. For the past couple of days I keep telling myself that there's a fine line between me wanting to talk and talk about our wedding and understanding that people have their own lives and don't necessarily want to hear me talk/text about my plans lol.


    At least you have all of us here who understand and can share your excitementSmiley laugh

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  • A
    Dedicated September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    That is true, and I appreciate all the support I find here!
    • Reply
  • Brittany
    Dedicated January 2021
    Brittany ·
    • Flag
    I haven't officially picked bridesmaids, but the people I'm considering are all over the country and I'm not getting married in the city I live in. Might be my planning style (I'm a bit of a control freak lol) but I honestly don't want to expect much of my bridesmaids outside of input on the dress they're going to wear and showing up. I don't care about showers. I know you're not supposed to plan your own bachelorette, but I at least want input on where and when. I'm mostly using it as an excuse to visit a new place haha. I have a January wedding, so I'll probably do the party as early as August to avoid making people travel more than they'd already have planned around holidays. I'll probably invite any interested female friend, not just bridal party. As far as general wedding planning, the wedding day is for my fiance and I, so I want most of the decisions to be ours, maybe going to our moms for input since they're contributing. I'm not bothered at all by not having a ton of help.
    • Reply
  • Susan
    Devoted October 2020
    Susan ·
    • Flag
    Definitely! My mom has dementia, my sister lives 450 miles away, and because my FH is a high introvert, we kept the bridal party small so that he didn’t feel bad about having fewer friends to ask. Thus we have a bunch of kids and teens involved. This is also my second wedding. My first wedding, my sister lived overseas and my mom was 1000 miles away. No bachelorette, no showers, nothing either time from my family and friends. I wish it were different.
    • Reply
  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
    • Flag

    Why are you doing "all the planning?" Your FH should be helping!

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  • Cynthia
    Just Said Yes December 2020
    Cynthia ·
    • Flag

    Yup! My MOH lives 6 hours away and is busy with two kiddos. My other two bridesmaids are my sisters who live 16 hours away from me. I bought my dress off Etsy. It's a bit lonely, but my friends, family and colleagues are generally excited when we chat by text, phone, or in-person about the planning. I just try and keep thinking about the big day--what all the planning is for and then get super excited that all of this is really for a great end--to marry my best friend.


    PS - if you want to "discussion board" plan, I'm totally here to cheer you on!

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  • A
    Dedicated September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    The absolute same goes for you!!! I am sure both our days will be perfect and worth it all. 🥰
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