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Just Said Yes October 2020

Wedding planning while dealing with depression, self worth, and Covid.....

Zella, on July 17, 2020 at 9:24 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 5

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We're planning our wedding for Halloween 2020, because I've always said that if I was going to be stupid and get married, I'd do it under a full moon on Halloween. Yes, I said stupid. I think that marriage is an archaic institution that doesn't really serve any purpose other that getting the government in the middle of your relationship. My dislike of the legal stuff aside, that piece of paper really means something to him, so we started making plans. Then COVID hit and I've been in a massive depression spiral of not wanting to work on anything or get anything done. I've clawed my way through getting the invitations sent, signing the photographer, finding a makeup artist, and staying in touch with my seamstress. I know that a bunch of people are going to choose not to come because of COVID, and I'm fine with that, and understand their choice. Now along with the depression issues, I've also got a metric ton of baggage from my late teens and early 20s related to my self worth. I basically feel like I don't matter to anyone, unless they need something from me. Long story short, every time I've had a life event that traditionally involves a large group of people attending a celebration marking the event, I've been ghosted. Like my Sweet 16- I invited my entire grade from school, 6 people showed up. Of those 6, 3 weren't' invited- 2 were siblings and 1 was the son of the DJ. So I've got all of this swirling around in my head constantly. That nobody's going to come, because they don't care enough about me to be bothered, and they're going to use COVID as an excuse that I can't really argue with. I just feel like we're wasting money on a party that isn't going to have enough people show up to matter. Like, why am I wasting all this time and energy, and spending thousands on what's essentially going to amount to a family dinner, because they're pretty much going to be the only people who show up.

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Jenny, on July 17, 2020 at 4:17 PM

Devoted June 2021
Chelsea G · on July 17, 2020 at 9:55 AM
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I am so sorry to hear this. My FH has the same kind of concerns with his side. He's afraid that the people he is inviting won't show up. Trust me, if you're inviting people you truly care about and are close with then they'll show up as long as they can. If anything COVID might be what makes many people not come not because of you. I think it's best to remember that it's not about who goes but the love you and FH and share and the reason why you're getting married in the first place (love). And also we are grown adults now not just kids in high school. You're not wasting time and money for something that means a lot to FH and a celebration of your love. Why not just get eloped or have a microwedding? We decided on 50 people or less so we made sure we invited the people we truly wanted and cared about us.
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on July 17, 2020 at 10:00 AM
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Piece of paper aside, It’s really what you make of it. It’s nice that you’re doing this for him but make sure there’s part of you or part of your heart in this too ❤️
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on July 17, 2020 at 10:17 AM
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I agree. Yeah it's a piece a paper but I also see it as a spiritual commitment and he wants to be joined with you officially. Living w someone isn't the same. My FH has you mindset and nothing to do with paper but I wanted to be his wife and have his last name. Maybe he wants the same. At the end of the day you can't control your guest list but anyone that loves you will be there and his family will now be your family so even their attendance counts. Easier said than done but try to see the positive that can come out of this. Would a small ceremony be better for you?
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 17, 2020 at 11:25 AM
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I always say it’s about celebrating with the people there, not about fixating on who isn’t. You are loved.
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Savvy November 2021
Jenny · on July 17, 2020 at 4:17 PM
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I totally understand struggling with reconciling a distaste for the institution of marriage (treating women like property etc.) and wanting to marry your FH. It is confusing and can feel like not "being true to yourself", but I have just come to terms with the idea that I can disagree with the parts I disagree with and still want the meaningful commitment parts that are special to us.
In regards to self-worth and depression struggles, it sounds like it might be helpful for you to talk to someone? I'm sorry if that is over the line, I am a therapist myself, so I always recommend finding a trusted person to open up to everyone . Times are so difficult right now, in an unprecedented and unpredictable way, adding that to wedding stress, and reckoning with past trauma/life struggles, it is a lot for any one person to navigate on their own.
I wish you all the best of luck, and just know you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or depressed during these times . I went through a period of depression over COVID/wedding/life stuff and struggle with daily anxiety about it all.
P.S. totally jealous about Halloween wedding date, I couldn't get FH to go for it, but I am sure it will be AMAZZZING!!!
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