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Rachel
Super June 2022

Wedding Planning Drama...

Rachel, on October 16, 2020 at 10:32 AM Posted in Planning 0 11
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Hi, Everyone -

I just need to vent, I wish wedding planning wouldn't be so stressful. Up to a few days ago, my fiancé and I had no issues and the wedding planning was smooth sailing. Unfortunately, things took a major nosedive.

To sum it up... there is more drama with my future MIL. It began when she asked me to call her and she mentioned asking my fiancé's Dad if he would like to contribute to the cost of the rehearsal dinner (something she had offered to pay for, plan, etc. which we are fine with). My fiancé's parents divorced when he was very young and his Mom and Dad don't really communicate unless necessary and they have both moved on and remarried.

To provide some background, my fiancé's Dad is on a fixed income and doesn't always have a lot of spare money to spend. When my fiancé's sister got married a few years ago, it caused a major riff between him and his Mom because she was once again insisting that his Dad try and help pay for a lot of the wedding plans at at the time, his Dad didn't have the money. She kept pushing and being a bully about it and it ultimately caused my fiance and his Mom to not speak for a while. He thought that the way she handled things with his Dad was uncalled for. There is a lot more history between my fiancé and his Mom that I've been told about, so their relationship has always been up and down and he likes to keep her at a distance when it comes to personal things.

When I told my fiancé that his Mom contacted me to ask about his Dad contributing to the rehearsal dinner cost, he came unglued. Mostly because he felt like she should have come and asked him about it directly rather than go through me when she knows it's a touchy subject and it's caused some drama between them in the past with his sister's wedding, etc. I agree that she should have asked her son rather than me since it's his side of the family and he would know how to handle that topic best. My fiancé called his Mom and they got into an argument since he was so angry.

A few days passed by and I decided to reach out to her and see how she's doing. Her and I talked more about it and I told her that I think her offering to pay for the rehearsal dinner was a nice gesture, especially since it's common for the Groom's side to handle that piece. As her and I were discussing it, we started to talk about my fiancé and the argument that took place. I told her that it likely had a lot of it stemmed from his past frustrations with his sister's wedding, etc. Then she dropped the bomb... she told me that she felt I had "set her up" because I told my fiancé about the conversation where she mentioned his Dad paying. I was flabbergasted and speechless. That was obviously not my intention but I think it's silly of her to think that I wouldn't mention it to my fiancé especially as this has to do with his Dad and our wedding involves us both. She tried to play it off as our conversation should have been a "secret" and between the two of us. I even told her during our conversation that I would run this all my fiancé as it would ultimately be his call. So of course, I told my fiancé what she said and he once again got upset and had to call her to address it again.


We have since calmed down and we all did apologize, but I do have to say that my dynamic with my future MIL will never be the same. She always said that I was the daughter she never had (her and my fiancé's sister do not have a relationship anymore) and I got the impression that we had a great relationship, but I am definitely not going to get as close to her anymore and don't plan on talking to her directly anymore unless it's a conversation that involves my fiancé as well. This whole thing has definitely caused some distress for me as well as my fiancé, we really did not want or need any stress especially when we are so far out from our wedding date.

Has anyone else dealt with any drama similar to this when planning their wedding? I know that weddings tend to bring out the worst in people as well as stress, but the fact that this is coming up now is ridiculous. I know things will continue to look up with time, but it is a major bummer for the two of us.

11 Comments

Latest activity by Jesyka, on October 17, 2020 at 10:07 AM
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    Your MIL should absolutely have been discussing this with her son or with the two of you together. I can see why your fiancé is upset with her. Since you have quite a while before your wedding maybe let things cool down a bit and don’t talk about it for a while.
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  • Rachel
    Super June 2022
    Rachel ·
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    I totally agree with you, it came out of left field. She also called me to talk about it while he and I were on vacation and enjoying ourselves, so her timing was way off, too. We are hoping that things will eventually be forgotten and we can move forward but it will take me some time to rebuild the trust I had in her.

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  • F
    Dedicated September 2020
    Furure Mrs. ·
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    My MIL was the same way, and always had these conversations with me alone. The only difference was that when she told me to ask my FIL for money towards the wedding she had said multiple times that she would not be paying a dime towards our wedding (which we were totally fine with). I was very honest with her and told her that we wouldn't be asking him for any money, it's our wedding and we would be paying for it. It took a few of these conversations like this before she dropped the subject, but she eventually let it go.

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  • Shelly
    Devoted January 2022
    Shelly ·
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    I agree with Cyndy. She should have went to her son, or the both of you about that. Definitely cool down and keep distance for a little while. Hopefully it will get better in the future and you all can move forward.

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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
    • Flag

    That sounds completely ridiculous. She is trying to put you in the middle of it. She knew it wouldn't go over well that is why she wouldn't mention it to your FH. Shame on her. I would've done the same thing if I was you and in the future I would try to include him in all conversations if possible so she cant try and pull that again.

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  • Rachel
    Super June 2022
    Rachel ·
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    Yes, that's exactly what she was trying to do! That was my fiancé's first thought. She even went so far to say that I told her to contact/call his Dad directly... I said no such thing! But that was after my fiancé was calling her out so she was trying to backtrack and turn it around on me. This whole thing turned into a bigger mess than it needed to be. It should have been a group conversation, I definitely agree. I will never look at her the same way.

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
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    I'm so sorry that all this happened! I agree with all previous comments, though would also like to add that it sounds like you and your fiance handled everything in the right way. You mentioned your concerns to your fiance, you waited a few days for things to calm down, you reached out to her to try to talk things out and keep things on a positive note, your fiance addressed the issue directly with his mom, etc. Weddings (and other major life events) do have a way of stirring up unnecessary drama. Hopefully things will cool down after a little while, and everyone can move forward on a positive note.
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  • Bo Miller
    Expert December 2020
    Bo Miller ·
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    Completely understandable! I would be the same way if I was you!

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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    Yes, I've dealt with MIL drama but not when it comes to the wedding. My fiancé handles it and fortunately, she doesn't try to fight with him. We haven't had any drama since xmas.
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  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    Oh, she sounds like she's trying to make you the "bad guy". She wants to put you in the middle of her inability to speak with her ex-husband.

    Next time she tries it, tell her to talk to her ex. She produced children with him, she can talk to him. (My own mother won't do this, so I understand. The last time I remember he speaking to my father on a regular basis was when I had pneumonia... aaaaaaaaaaand she lied. SO. I *get* it. But I refused to play middle man, and she either had to handle it herself, or just deal. She did a lot of dealing.)

    Absolutely be a united front with your FH on this one. Counseling could even help, because this is someone with no boundaries and a lot of manipulative tendencies.

    Good luck!

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  • Jesyka
    Dedicated October 2020
    Jesyka ·
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    My parents are the same way (though the court order makes it more understandable) however, when ever dealing with anything, not just the wedding, my siblings and I will constantly get the answer, "is your mom/dad helping?"
    Its unfortunate, and I totally get where you and your fiancé coming from.
    If I could give any advice, I'd say what you mentioned on how you'll handle your MIL is probably the best bet on further dealing with her
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