Wedding Planning disagreements

You’re at a great time to start planning since you’re a year out! Maybe he just means that its important to also enjoy your time together and not be overwhelmed by wedding planning? There’s a healthy medium. But he does also have to understand that the planning of the wedding won’t do itself either.

For bridal party.......You pick the girls and he picks the guys. That is what we did and it worked out fine.

I think it's smart to start planning now! I got engaged in January and getting married next August and I started planning in January and now that I'm a year out I feel good (especially with all the brides postponing to next year because of Covid).

It kind of rubs me the wrong way that your groom is trying to control who you put in your bridal party. Is there a reason he's saying no to your best friend? Also, are you being allowed to control who is in his party? If you don't feel comfortable putting his sisters in your bridal party you are not obligated to. Obviously there are situations where the other person could give some input on the bridal party. Like, say one of your friends told you to break up with your groom early in your relationship. It's clear that your groom wouldn't want that friend to stand up next to you on your wedding day. My FH and I decided on who we wanted and then talked it over with each other. I'm not super close with everyone on his side but, it's not my side, it's his. And he only met one of my bridesmaids once and he doesn't care. He also has a sister but, I wanted all my girls to be 18+ and his sister is currently 16. If I had a brother instead of a sister, I wouldn't expect him to put my brother on his side.

I would just say "hey this is who I want in my bridal party I'm going to ask them and you ask yours in the next month please." It does not matter if you have the same number of attendants. If you have 4 and he has 6 it's not the end of the world. My FH and I both picked 6 but, at one of my bridesmaid's wedding, last year she had 6 and the groom had 8. Also if he really wants the other two sisters in the bridal party, he can add them to his side.

I think it’s the perfect time to start planning since it is a year away now. In my opinion I believe the bride should be picking the bridesmaids. It’s nice to have the opinion of the groom but in the end these are the girls that will be by your side. The girls who will help plan with you. I personally did not want a huge bridal party and only choose the girls I wanted by my side. Of course I ran it by my fiancé but in the end it was my choice. Just like I’m letting him choose his guys. I would talk to him about it all and let him know how you truly feel about the girls YOU want by your side and let him know you want to ask soon since the wedding is now a year away

In the wedding, as in marriage, some decisions are individual and some are joint. We do everything equally and together sounds wonderful. But it often leads to great stress and both people being unhappy. For many things, 90% of the effect is on one person, and to have to always agree or not move forward leads to lots of dysfunctional control issues, not getting along well.
General size of the wedding and wedding party is something both sides need to be comfortable with. Each side, no attendants, 2 or 3, 5-7, you need to work out. But what individual people? The bride always chooses her own people, people you have felt close to in your life up til now. And groom chooses his people. You do not have to like anybody whom he has been close to and wants, and he need not like anybody you feel you want. But each of you needs to accept the other's basic choice in friends. Unless violence, or criminal behavior are at issue, he has to back off. It is not up to him, now or ever, who you want as a best friend, or how much you see of which sister. There is no need to have the same number of people, give or take 1 or 2. During your engagement, someone may drop out. Numbers change, and may be uneven. You will spend more time with your people, and almost none with his, over wedding stuff. Talk to him not about individual people, but the 2 issues: First, in something that mostly has to do with one of you, you listen to the other's objections once, then the one most affected decides. Second, though you should agree on who you see as couples, it is up to each of you to decide for yourselves how much time and closeness you have with your individual friends, and your own family. Now, and for the next 50 years.
Do not let him control this, and don't you interfere with his individual friendships or family contact. If you do not live together, this will be the first time you make some decisions together, on friends, money, time spent on some things, how much each of you gets what you wants, and when to compromise. It can be bumpy at first.

It is the perfect time to start planning. And a budget and venue should really be your top priorities above anything else.
Regarding the wedding party, you choose who you want to stand up for you and he chooses who he wants to stand up for him. The sides don’t need to be even and it doesn’t need to be all “bridesmaids” and “grooms me “. If he wants his sister(s) in the wedding then they should stand up with him on his side as a groomswoman, best woman, whatever you want to call her. He doesn’t dictate who you choose to support your marriage to him and stand up with you.

Why is he picking your side of the bridal party? Unless there is a problem with him and someone you’re considering then I don’t think he should be picking who you want to stand next to you on your big day.


& no it’s not to early to plan it’s actually perfect timing. With many brides having to reschedule their weddings, I’d start looking up and contacting vendors because many are already booked for next year

Like others have said, this is the appropriate time to start planning! In terms of wedding party, everyone does it differently. My fiancé and I worked together and compromised on our wedding party. He wanted five of his friends on his side, which I was fine with, but I also wanted my brothers included. He was going to eliminate one of his friends to create even sides, but since he compromised and agreed to have my bros, I compromised and let him have everyone, even if it meant uneven sides! If the two of you don’t want bridesmen or grooms women, then it is best to think of wedding party as a whole instead of just his and just hers.

For the bridal party, if he wants his sisters to stand up in the wedding, he can pick them to stand up as groomswomen! He should pick out who stands up for him, and you pick who stands up for you.

You get to pick your own bridal party, just as he gets to pick his own. Don't let him tell you who can stand next to you. I also wouldn't rush to make a decision. You are still a year away from you wedding. You really don't need to stress about picking your bridal party just yet. I had my party members in mine, but did not formally ask them until 9 months before our wedding.

As far as planning for everything else, I would get on it. With many 2020 brides having to postpone due to Covid, finding venues and vendors might be tough for 2021. So I would start researching vendors and booking them, if you can.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned during this planning process, it’s that men have no idea what goes into planning a wedding! LOL Planning a year out is definitely a wise idea, especially during this pandemic! A lot of vendors are actually already booked up for 2021! If you haven’t already done so, I would suggest picking out and securing your vendors ASAP! As far as the wedding party goes, YOU choose who stands with you as bridesmaids- not him. Your bridal party should be the people closest to you, who love you and support you as a person and as a couple. In your situation, it sounds like it would be easier to not have any of his sisters stand with you, instead of singling one out. That sounds like a recipe for hurt feelings and future hostility.

This is absolutely the time to start planning! You want to make sure that any venues/vendors you need to book actually have availability next year. September is a "hot" month, and probably even more so since 2020 weddings were postponed, so a lot of wedding vendors may not be available. You also want to leave ample time to order a dress, as pre-COVID they could take up to 4-8 month depending on where they're coming from, possibly more now that COVID is causing shipping delays.

As for your bridal party, you should be deciding who stands on your side and he should be deciding who stands on his side. If he really wants his sisters in the wedding but you're not that close to them, then he can have them as groomswomen. You guys shouldn't be picking each other's bridal party.