Wedding Party

Because I’m curious, what exactly does the blue crew do? Is it the same as a bridal party but on a different level? Are they doing the same thing as a wedding party? We’re only having a MOH & best man. I originally didn’t want a bridal party but we decided to have at least one person standing with us.

I feel that a bridal party is all or nothing. If you're having an MoH and Best Man, but everyone else is part of an informal "blue crew", it may seem like a consolation prize because you didn't want to make them attendants. It's also confusing because no one knows what this means

I would do something else for your blue. Giving people a dress code is like making them props for pictures. Asking them to buy something new is overreach as many people wear the same attire to weddings. Why don't you buy them a fabric blue flower pin instead if you want to designate them? Any guest that you invite is already an honored guest. Lots of people don't bother with wedding parties no matter how formal or informal a wedding.

We’re just doing a small wedding party. Best man, MOH, one groomsman, one bridesmaid. We’re not asking them to do much however. I don’t want a bachelorette trip or anything and his friends are all getting together for him to just hang out, nothing fancy, but it’s something the best man wants to do for him so he’s letting it happen. But we’re basically just asking them to pay for their attire and show up. Nothing more

What does the blue crew do exactly? I'm just not understanding what their purpose is.

View Quoted Comment So the idea is that they are the “something blue” in the wedding, this way feelings don’t get hurt by choosing/not choosing people, and no one has to feel the pressure of doing all the wedding party things, we ask that they help and are as involved as they can be but with the pressure/formality this is the “proposal card” I drafted up to explain it for them a little better too

View Quoted Comment To me it sounds like you just want them to do stuff without honoring them like you would by having them in the bridal party. I would either have a bridal party or don't. Don't try to come up with some other thing like a blue crew and try to make it sound like you are doing them a favor, but really you just want help from them.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your input. This isn’t something I made up, but something I’ve seen other people do as well. My reasoning behind not wanting a wedding party is not to “skip honoring them” but bc I have close to 10 people that really want to be included in the wedding and my fiancé feels insecure bc he only has 3 he wants on his side. I have nieces and nephews that are too old for flower/girl/ring bearer but still want to be a part of the wedding and so does he. I don’t want people to feel pressured into having to show up for parties/spend money they don’t have/or deal with the social anxiety that often comes with standing at the alter. I would provide everyone with a corsage/flower to signify them. We haven’t set in stone if this is the direction we are going in but it is something we have been considering. I appreciate everyones opinion and will consider it in my final decision

I understand your point and we are still considering different options. I’m sorry if I mistook your reply, sometimes tone can get lost in translation via text. I do see your point about the way it comes off, when I say “we will need them” I am in no way asking them to do stuff without being honored. I just don’t want anyone to feel left out or hurt which I do have certain people in my life who would feel that way. Thank again for your input

View Quoted Comment Yikes, I have to agree with Veronica. It sounds like you are requesting free labor out of them, but then not honoring them with the title of bridesmaid or groomsmen. It sounds like you don’t want the hassle having a wedding party, so there’s no issue in eliminating that. However, it’s in poor taste to recruit your friends for free labor- you need to hire a wedding coordinator for those items if you are unable to execute them yourselves.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Cece, I think I’m not explaining what I’m expecting of them. I by no means am expecting them to assist and provide labor. I already have plans for that. Although I don’t want the hassle of the wedding party I am still hoping we will have these people in the procession, the kids act as ushers, and the friends maybe provide a quick introduction for us at the reception. I would ask that they attend the rehearsal in addition to the wedding day for that purpose. The idea of doing this “in lieu of a wedding party” is so me and my fiancé can choose the group together and not have them separated like a traditional wedding party (brides side/grooms side) we would have them sit up front, wear a flower to signify their importance to us. If they choose to help with planning/set up that’s up to them but certainly not expected. The idea is to reduce stress all around, most of the people we are asking have families, are traveling and will not be able to attend all of the traditional wedding party events. I’m trying to remove the pressure and stress for them. I understand where you are coming from so maybe we should rethink the wording. Thank you for your input again 😊

View Quoted Comment I think the confusion is falling on the fact that you are basically wanting them to do all the things wedding party members do, but you just aren’t calling them wedding party members. Actually, you are wanting them to do more than what is required of a wedding party (acting as ushers, giving introductions). Wedding party members simply need to purchase the required attire, attend a rehearsal (if there is one, and if it works with their schedules), and stand next to you during the wedding (or sit in the front row, etc.). Wedding party members are not required to attend or host “traditional wedding party events”. Nor are they required to help with planning, set up, tear down, etc. I just fear that the people you think you are making feel special by including in this blue crew, will actually feel as though they were not good enough to give the title of bridesmaid or groomsmen, but were good enough to require them to take time out of their schedules to attend your rehearsal, spend their money on purchasing blue colored clothing, give specific tasks to, and work as ushers, etc. at your wedding. I’m not trying to sound harsh, but if I received that invitation, I would be a bit insulted and would definitely decline.

View Quoted Comment I understand where your coming from. We don’t want to make anyone feel insulted. Part of the reason we were even considering doing this instead of a wedding party was to avoid exactly that. We were hoping that this route would avoid anyone feeling left out that was hoping to be part of our day. We do not need these roles to be filled necessarily, this was just a way to make people feel included in the day as Ik we each have a few people that will feel hurt if they are not asked to fill a certain role. After the feedback here though I am leaning more towards a simple best man/MOH. Like I said previously, this is not something I made up. It’s an idea I’ve seen other people do and I was hoping to see if there were anyone else who has done something similar and how it turned out.

I completely understand. Weddings are rough when it comes to not wanting to leave others out! I have found the fewer people you give titles/roles to, the less likely people will feel hurt/left out. For instance, if you only had a maid of honor and best man, it would be difficult for others to feel left out. Whereas, if you had 5 or 6 people standing with each of you, those that didn’t make the cut but thought they would be in your “top 6” may have some hurt feelings. I think the same holds true with the blue crew. How many people would be in that crew? If you have 20 people you have now given a special title to, how are all the other people with no title going to feel? It is basically saying to them you are not even in the “top 20” important people to us. The more people you give titles to, the higher chances of hurt feelings (and the less special those titles/roles become).

View Quoted Comment It would be 9 total 4 of which are kids. I want to be able to include all of the children closest to us. (The kids are at awkward ages to be ring bearer/flower girl) The remaining 5 are our closest friends. This is not including best man/MOH…part of the reasoning behind not having the wedding party up at the alter is also bc my fiancé does not have a large group of friends/close family he would be able to choose from for grooms men.

I think we all understand that you have good intentions. But this is absolutely asking people to do wedding party stuff without the usual titles. Asking people to be ushers, wear a certain color, attend the rehearsal is not an honor. It's a chore. Even actual wedding party members aren't obligated to help if they don't want to

View Quoted Comment Thank you Willow. I don’t want to make them feel obligated either. I have gotten a lot of really helpful feedback and although we will still have to discuss us between ourselves but I don’t want anyone to be insulted, feel obligated or anything else. I really just want it to be a fun low stress day so if that means removing the wedding party all together and simply going with a best man/MOH then it’s worth considering for sure.

Maybe you can have 9 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen and they can get ready with you guys in the morning and then walk down the aisle and sit down in the front row instead of standing next to you since it’s uneven.


Also, we did not have a bridal party. Not even a moh or best man. But you know who supported us and asked if we needed any help, our friends! Point is, if you need help w something, a willing friend will usually be there to help or lend support and they don’t need to be titled in your bridal party

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I like the idea of if we have an uneven bridal party to have them sit in the front row. How did it work for you without a MOH or best man? I was initially thinking of doing that but got a lot of push back against that as well but it’s definitely something that’s been lingering in my mind (especially bc my MOH will have a 6 month old at the the time and Lives 3 hours away from me.)

View Quoted Comment We got a lot of push back as well!!! “What do you mean?!? You can’t get married without a best man!?!?!? Everyone has a best man and maid of honor?!?”


Well we got married just fine. My sister sat in the second row and took my bouquet when it was time for me to join hands with my husband during the ceremony. My fiancé’s brother in law held onto the rings and gave them to our officiant when it came time. My sister in law gave a speech at our reception.
My mom was most concerned about who would throw me a bridal shower when I told her I wasn’t having a bridal party. She wanted me to have one so my mom hosted it!

Did you already ask your MOH? If so then I wouldn’t “un- ask” her.