Wedding Party Veto?

It would definitely not be fair of you to ask your fiancé not to include a close friend he wants to make a member of his wedding party. As far as you having to include her in all your activities, you are definitely not obligated to do so (just as you are not obligated to include his groomsmen, and he is not obligated to include anyone in your wedding party). I think the only way this would get tricky is if you plan to include his sister in the hair and make up/getting ready with your bridal party. If you invite her, I don’t see how you would not look terrible if you didn’t invite this other friend as well. I think the only polite option would be to either invite both of them, or neither of them. But, in terms of all the other events, I wouldn’t worry about feeling obligated to invite her (ie, bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc.). Even if you plan to have her wear the same dress as the bridesmaids, you don’t necessarily have to have her go with you to get them; you could just send her the info of what she needs to order (although it would be nice to include her). Or, you could allow her and your FSIL to wear something different that coordinates with the groomsmen, so the wedding parties look more cohesive.

She doesn't have to join you with any of the activities you mentioned. The men in my party are doing all pre wedding activities with me, including getting ready. She could have hair and makeup done on her own, or you could have her join you just to get it done. That said, the women in my FH's party are opting to get ready with me and mine. Have you talked to your partner about how you feel?

You pick your attendants and he picks his, and unless someone is violent/racist/abusive, you don’t get a say in who the other picks. During pre wedding events and shopping, the sides do not interact. A grooms woman does not hang out with bridesmaids, just like a brides man does not spend his time with groomsmen. Including his female attendants with your bridesmaids activities is a conscious choice on your part, and has nothing to do with following tradition. To avoid the drama you are not wanting a part of because you don’t like this woman, don’t include the groom’s female attendants with any bridesmaids activities. That means the grooms women do not get ready with you on the morning of or attend showers/bachelorette. Don’t overthink it.

Why separate on gender lines now? You do not need to include her in your parties because she's female. She can join your partner's outings or he can exclude her.

You totally don't have to include her with your group just because she's a woman. She definitely doesn't have to get ready with you.

So I was in a similar situation. My husband has a female friend and she is extremely opinionated and wasn't one of my favorite people, but I knew she is important to him so I dealt with her being in the wedding. I did include her in dress shopping since she was going to wear the same dress as the bridesmaids. Then I left it up to her if she wanted to get hair and makeup done with us. She choose to have her hair done with us, but she did her own makeup and got her nails done at a salon close to her so she only spent time with us in the morning while getting her hair done. After that she went and hung out with the guys until they it was time to get dressed. I did invite her to my shower, but I also invited all of the groomsmen's wives as well. You aren't required to invite her to events, but I would say if you invite his sister then you should also invite his friend as that would seem like you are showing favoritism.

I'm going to stray from the other opinions here. I personally think there's nothing wrong with having a discussion with him if you don't feel comfortable with her. You two are entering into a partnership which should not include biting your tongue and doing and dealing with whatever your partner says. There should be open communication between you both and you should feel comfortable speaking about this with him. At the very least, if he really insists and says she's important to him then you can state that you won't be including her in any of your festivities which is 100% up to you. I know that if there was someone either my fiance or I wanted in the party that created an uncomfortable situation with one of us would never hesitate to create a discussion about it. Open communication is very important. It's 2022, not 1845. You shouldn't just have to sit and accept whatever your husband says lol

I'm with Taylor on this one. There is definitely a difference between "you can't have her in your party" and "she makes me a little uncomfortable, can we talk about this?" He may not feel super inclined to have her in the wedding, you never know. Would you take into consideration his feelings if he told you one of your picks made him uncomfortable? My FH has a groomsman I don't like. I asked him if that was what he really wanted, and he said this gm had been there for him his entire life, and he knew that made me a little uncomfortable but asked me to ride it out with him, so I am. It's OKAY to talk about it lol.

As for getting ready, you do not have to include her if you don't like her. Point blank. If it hurts her feelings...oh well. She'll get over it, much easier than you would if you invited her and had a **** time at all wedding events!

I would talk to your fiancé about how you feel. He is allowed to have his own side (and you can have yours), but his choices shouldn't force you to be uncomfortable. If he insists that it means a lot to him for her to be part of his side, I'd tell him he needs to plan on them getting ready with him and the guys on his side, so he'll have to find someone for her and his sister's hair and makeup. Whoever does your side's hair and makeup might even have additional artists so you're booking through the same company, or they could recommend another artist if they don't have the manpower.

You can also make your shower/ bachelorette party just your side if that's what you'd prefer, but that would mean also not inviting your FSIL.

Sort of ideas from Bailey and Taylor, your fiancé and you should make sure to work out and understand where this female friend would be invited to participate. He then can make sure this friend fits in only where it would work out well. She would be aware that she is part of the groom's attendants and should recognize how that plays out in pre-ceremony situations. I also think it is fair in this situation to distinguish between events of your side where you invite his sister. She will be part of the bigger family and might be invited to some of your events anyhow (as you find acceptable). These decisions (and whatever results from them) are just part of having women among his attendants and guys are your side.