Wedding Party refuses to help with anything

I think at this point you need to stop focusing on your disappointment and who said what, and just focus on your wedding. Figure out what needs to be done (and what can be eliminated), and construct a realistic plan to execute it yourselves. I have to be honest, it is incredibly concerning that you're going into a marriage prioritizing insignificant things (like decor and wedding party clothing/makeup) instead of important things (like chairs and a marriage license!). Marriage requires maturity and responsibility. The focus should have been on making a lifetime commitment to your partner (the marriage) not the party (the wedding).

"We also let our closest friends know from the get go that we will need some help in setting up, minor yard work and whatnot. It's a lived-in house, and so far, I alone have been doing all of the manual labor. My partner is out of town dealing with the wedding party and other errands, so I understand why they can't help. I've offered to pay for gas and everything, but our friends are using any excuse possible to not help, even though they agreed to earlier on."

I'm confident that no one offered to help you with any manual labor or expected that you would ask. Also, "paying for gas" indicates that you also expect people to drive a distance which is not reasonable. The fact that you aren't asking for parties, showers or gifts is irrelevant as you're not supposed to be asking for those things regardless.

With two weeks to go, not enough tables and chairs to keep your guests comfortable, no license and $20 left in your pockets I would postpone and start over again with the attitude that all of these things are your responsibility.

Agreed. Also, OP if you have money to pay for their gas, I would put those funds towards the marriage license and chairs.

Yes. I would imagine it being very stressful and difficult. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it sure makes life a lot easier. So sorry to see you in this tough position

You're definitely not horrible people. You just made some mistakes that have created an unfortunate situation for yourself. Just for the record, my fiance and are also both ADHD, and we planned our entire wedding without the help of a wedding planner. When planning events (and for just about anything in your future), it is going to be very important to ensure you are incredibly detailed and organized prior to jumping into things. Once you start becoming super planners, you will never go back! It makes life sooooo much easier!

I'm so sorry this has been your wedding planning experience thus far! Real talk... I would postpone. I know a lot of planning and effort has gone into the event already, but the fact that you have a small guest list, no vendors, and are DIY'ing everything, puts you in the fortunate position of being able to postpone without forfeiting money. I know your step mom might be irritated, but you have to do what is right for you and your SO. I would just go to her very humbly and tell her that you've made a mistake, you've bitten off more than you can chew, and you have to postpone. Apologize for the inconvenience and assure her you have learned from the experience, and want to plan an event for a time that will be less stressful for everyone involved, and when you can afford to do so without causing such intense financial hardship.

If you're self-catering it and self-bartending it, I would go ahead and postpone. It seems to make more sense. Self-catering will need things to keep food at safe temperatures, like chafing dishes and cooling equipment. There's a liability with self-catering, like what if the guests get sick, I know it's worst case scenario, but it does happen. People will need tables to eat on and plates and utensils.

How many people are you planning for? Do you have adequate power? What if there is bad weather or sun? Do you have a tent to keep everyone comfortable? Do you have enough washrooms for everyone? Will parking be a problem?

I'm not trying to rain on your parade, it's just that those are issues you need to sort out and if you haven't, you need to think about now.

Another option would be to hold the wedding at a non-meal time, like 2 pm, and serve cake and punch/coffee/tea and maybe some veggie plates to the guests. That might be more within your budget and capability at this point so close to the wedding.

Sounds like there's a lot going on that maybe is too complicated to sort out on a wedding forum. My best to you both.

Goodness. I am so sorry. That is a lot to bear. My sincerest apologies that your special day is not going to happen. God bless you.

Despite what I said earlier about not having any entitlement to friends working the wedding, etc. they sound like real pieces of work in general. You don't have to answer but why are your parents and friends so against your relationship?

I'm sorry to hear about your step mother. That's so scary and I hope you are in a safe situation now. I'm very sorry your wedding did not go ahead as planned but with so much on your plates right now I think postponing was a very wise choice. Good luck to you.

Sounds like you need different friends and to go no contact with your stepmother. I'm sorry things worked out that way.