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Just Said Yes September 2023

Wedding Party Lodging Sos

Ruby, on May 31, 2023 at 2:19 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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Hi! I am getting married at the end of September at a winery that has two large cabins, one for the groom and groomsmen and one for the bride and bridesmaids it is free and we have it for the rehearsal dinner night and wedding night. Rehearsal dinner is at same venue as wedding. It also has several smaller cabins that sleep 4-6 people and those are about $100 a night. The venue is just over an hour from where we live and where most of our bridal party lives. We also reserved a hotel block (also $100 a night) and a trolly to take guest to and from the wedding. We were very excited about this and we’re thinking it would be nice for everyone. However the best man’s wife who is not in the wedding party is upset that she won’t be staying in the same bed as him. We offered her and the other groomsmen SOs one of the other cabins so they could hang out all night with us. All the SOs are good friends so sharing a cabin together should be fine. We were very excited to have a free place for our wedding party to be with us and the other cabins are right next to it. She said she wants us to give them a 6 person cabin so the 3 groomsmen can stay in there with them instead of with the groom in the groom cabin. Any advice for how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Mallory, on June 5, 2023 at 5:37 PM

CM · on May 31, 2023 at 3:41 PM
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It's inappropriate for you to dictate where the wedding party stays the night before and I would think you'd want to be alone on your wedding night for that matter. You can invite and you can offer, but you can't require it of anyone. If the groomsman and his wife don't want to sleep separately, they can book a hotel.
Also, just because people are good friends, doesn't mean they have to be OK with group living arrangements. I wouldn't be.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on May 31, 2023 at 4:08 PM
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It's up to your wedding party where they want to stay. You can ask, but you definitely shouldn't be demanding or getting upset if someone doesn't want to stay with you.
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VIP October 2022
Taylor · on May 31, 2023 at 4:27 PM
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Totally agreeing with the other two. My husband and I as two introverted people certainly would want to stay together and I wouldn’t want to be forced into hanging out with a group of women if I didn’t want to
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Super October 2023
Alyssa · on May 31, 2023 at 5:37 PM
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I'd suggest you let them know what time to be when and where in the morning and let the adults chose how to arrange themselves to sleep.

I would be livid if someone tried telling me I couldn't sleep in the same bed as the person I'm married to. Like??? Okay mom. 😂
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Super September 2023
Kimberly · on May 31, 2023 at 6:15 PM
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I don’t think this is rude as long as you’re not requiring it (which is different than making it clear if there are any advantages to the wedding party staying together the night before so they fully understand the decision). I don’t think it’s appropriate for her to push you to rearrange the sleeping arrangements on her behalf, though. I think the options are he stays with the rest of the guys and she can stay in the hotel if she wants her own space (especially since they’re not paying for two rooms since the cabin is free), or they both opt to stay in the hotel together.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on May 31, 2023 at 6:39 PM
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It’s inappropriate to separate couples and decide where and how they will be sleeping. It’s also inappropriate to ask any of the couples or partners to reimburse you for money spent because you are not a hotel. If you choose to sleep overnight at the venue, that is your prerogative but everyone else needs to be given the option of a hotel of their choice where couples can stay together or singles can lodge how they wish.
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Rockstar October 2023
Cece · on May 31, 2023 at 7:34 PM
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I have to agree with everyone else, I don’t think it’s appropriate to assign sleeping quarters for the wedding party, or their SOs.
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Super December 2022
LM · on May 31, 2023 at 8:56 PM
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Were you hoping for a party the night before like a bachelorette sleepover night? Perhaps just focus on a good night's sleep as it will be a long day and night. Let your WP decide what housing arrangements work best for them. Many adults don't want to bunk or share. On your wedding night, you can hang out altogether like an afterparty, but better for everyone to get their things out of the bridal suite ahead of time. Knocks on the door for forgotten toothbrushes will not be romantic.
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Savvy January 2022
Mallory · on June 5, 2023 at 5:37 PM
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I actually think she's being flexible by even offering to stay in a different group cabin with other couples... like everyone else has said, this is an out of line expectation.
You should *ask* if anyone does want to stay in the cabins and then from there, figure out who goes where. I'm sure most would prefer to stay with their SO. Or in hotel rather than cabin.
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Wedding Party Lodging Sos

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