Wedding party blues.......

It would be lovely if everyone had the same excitement for the wedding as the bride but unfortunately it doesn't work like that. And you're not the only one. I'm going through the same thing with my bmaids.

If you’re feeling this way, which by the way isn’t unusual, I would probably pull back and for things on my own and not include them. If there are one or two that are involved just ask them and if nobody is really interested then just do your thing. Try not to get frustrated. It is YOUR day, not theirs and they are likely busy with other things. It’s tough but people just don’t see as interested. Good luck.

It's normal. Usually no one is as excited about it as the bride.
I do wish mine were as interested too but they weren't really or I didn't feel it.
I'm sure they are so beyond happy for you though but they may not show it or it's not as much as our own excitement

I feel ya!
I have a
— 21yo recent college grad( FH niece) in NY.
— 50yo recently married( a jerk!) and moved to IL, who’s now jobless and had a minor-ish surgery. RIGHT before my fitting for their dresses! And she is my damn MOH 😕
— 45yo legal assistant( FH Paralegal) who works full time, and recently got engaged, lives in MD
— and my 40yo friend from childhood, married to a military guy & has 3 kids( 15 & under) and loves in WA.
( I live in VA)

I send texts out, when it’s something that I’m trying to plan, and will get the last 3 to reply quicker. But it still is annoying, especially when I am trying to fit 4 VERY different schedules together( and mine!) to do a couple of events: Dress shopping and Bachelorette party...

I want the help to get decor done, plan and have fun with them!
I have 4 women who are Supposed to be the ones who will hang out, support my insanity- lol, and help me get ready the day of and I feel like I don’t have but one- maybe.

I think sending out a group chat one or two times a month isn’t a lot. Especially if it’s to try and plan an event for everyone. Whether it be to get together and have lunch/movie date or plan wedding. They can at least reply “Okay. I’ll try” .

There will be a lot of people here who say ‘Don't Expect ANYTHING other than them showing up to get dress and then the day of.’ But, I kind of feel if you agree to be in someone’s wedding you try and be there, within reason, ESPECIALLY if you are the MOH.
The MOH falls into the category of doing much more to help with the wedding/bride, imo. Coming and looking at ideas, helping make stuff, helping you pick your gown/hair/etc, calming your Crazy butt down, etc. They sign up knowing they’re the one who’s VIP- second to groom, and or your mom.
(My MOH has left the state and wants me to fly, w/all my decor to make!, to her and then ship it back!! Instead of her, not working self, coming to Me( who’s in school and trying to get house back after nightmare construction) and the decor and a state where her family is near- like 30min away! Hell! I’ve even offered to pay for the damn ticket!)

I won’t have a Bridal Shower, Bachelorette party will be day of rehearsal- if we can manage it.. and that makes me sad.

I didn’t get to do an Engagement Party( yet!) because FH says “We are tooooo Old to have one” he’s 53, and I’m like why? We entertain ALLLLL the time! Why not have a party to honor us, and have fun at the same time?
I have a sneaky suspicion I’m going to plan a party, “Game Night & Engagement Party”, for sometime in Late August or early September. Have the typical heavy apps, desserts and bar laid out, and invite the same group we had for the, pitifully attended, Couples Game Night 4mo ago. Cross fingers.

Sorry for rant.

View Quoted Comment It is exciting unfortunately no one is as excited as the couple I would have your fiancée help plan some it is the two of your jobs.

Your wedding is pretty far out to worry about shower and bachelorette party. I know you are excited but you are going to rare them
out. I know cause I did that in the start.

View Quoted Comment The ONLY texts my girls have had were to see when they all could get here to get the gowns- as I was told to order them 10 months in advance due to colour, by two Davids Bridal- in 2 different states!
I had sent one to see if we could manage a weekend beach trip while 3 of the 4 were in the area this summer....
And if that’s too much than why are they friends? That’s less than you text a friend!

I get that FH & I are the ones getting married and planning is to fall 95% to me- and him.
However, there is NO reason that the bridal party cannot help make selections once you’ve narrowed it down, on floral decor especially. And there’s NO reason that they can’t meet up with you and have drinks/dinner( free drinks/food btw) and help make some of the stuff- especially if they had Previously agreed to do so!!!!!

Why have a Bridal Party at all if you cannot rely on them to help you out? Whether it’s to calm nerves or to help assemble stuff?! For the pictures? Sorry but, I’m sick of people telling Brides who feel slighted and hurt that they should & to “suck it up buttercup”.... not saying you did that but others have.

View Quoted Comment I am sorry you are going though this. I am just have a bachelorette party now and i doubt everyone can make it. You should have a bridal party cause you want them standing next to you on your wedding day. Not to help you plan. Sorry was responding to when you asked why have a wedding party if you can’t rely on them to help.
Oh umm the order early so the dresses are all fri
the same color scheme is a scam. They are trying to get brides to order dresses then so they get a big sale. At DB they don’t costume make the dresses. So the BM dresses are already made they just pull it out of the rate house. So the dresses were not made at same time.

I’ve basically just texted my girls when I’ve made a decision OR need to pick between two things. I feel like bridal parties are more there for emotional support.
The reality is not everyone will be as excited as you and your husband. Couple reasons:

1. They could be single (or in a relationship not married) and they are secretly jealous
2. They could just not be “wedding people” (I know I wasn’t for years)
3. They could have a different wedding style and gave a hard time weighing in
4. You might have changed a bit since planning
5. Conversations besides the wedding might be limited now that you’re planning them
6. They don’t realize you want their opinion and think you’re just showing off

Lots of options honestly!!!

I know that it stinks, but no one is as excited for the wedding as the bride. My bridal party tries at times but they all have lives, kids, jobs, etc. that takes priority.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you..thank you...thank you Jennifer. I probably could have written your post myself. I have very similar people and concerns. My god daughter 30 years old said yes to being in the wedding but then moved to California. Now she's unsure if she can still be in the wedding because of the cost of the flight, but won't say yes or no so I can replace her. Uuuugh I could go on and on. But mostly I just want to say thank you because this all sounds so normal to me now.

Thank goodness for this site..... I don't know where else I could go just to release my feelings. Thank you all for the comments. I know people have lives but I don't think it's to much to ask to respond occasionally and let me know we're still in this together.

View Quoted Comment No, they didn’t mean the colour would be the same- they meant it’s popular and won’t be in for 8-10mo. The fact I have 3 in the same state is AMAZING! So I’d rather order them and get it done! Lol

i want them to be there, yes, but I also want the help they( 2 of them anyway) promised.

I just wanted to add that my questions are related to whether they will be renting a room. What day is good for them to attend dance lessons. Those kinds of things. I did'n't ask for any help with décor or planning. I just wanted them to solidify their role in the4 event. Not to sound bratish...but if this is to much then they should say that and bow out. I want people who want to be involved.

I feel like you Jennifer...

Order your attire and get small things out of the way. Only one of the bridesmaids has her dress and now my MOH doesn't like it. So she wants something totally different. It's a pain in the butt.

View Quoted Comment Welcome. I am happy to help Hun. Anytime.
Especially when so many get short or crappy with their answers and tell you that it doesn’t matter and you are wrong for feeling like you do. And that doesn’t help make you feel better or less hurt or like you aren’t wrong/crazy.

I am sorry you are going thru this too.
I would give your girl an Time Limit to tell you by, and then tell her that either she tell you one way or the other, or you will happily have her as a guest, but NOT wedding party.
Silly question: Can you help her with ticket?

Okay, so the David’s Bridal Website says This about Bridesmaids duties:

http://www.davidsbridal.com/blog/wedding-tips/bridesmaid-duties?utm_source=ET&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=Blog&utm_term=BmDutiesarticle&utm_content=Blog071419&Segment=BDY&j=1141315&sfmc_sub=22293262&l=1737_HTML&u=30811103&mid=7204610&jb=1024

No Jennifer;

I am not able to help her. According to her the ticket cost $1200.00. To me that's a bit steep. I may pay for her hotel room, which is $250.00. But anything more is just to much on top of my other expenses.