Wedding? or City Hall?

Talk to your future husband and express your concerns. You and him should have to wedding that YOU want and everyone else can just suck it up. It's your relationship, your big day, and you and future hubby should be happy. If its pictures you want then you can always have a shoot after a court house wedding, somewhere really nice. I hope this helps. Smile, be happy, and don't let anyone steal your moment.

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Thank you so much ... I've heard so many different times that this day should be what we want, but it doesn't seem to be worth it anymore ... at this point this is just too much ... at first it was fine, but now everyone is sticking their nose in it ... I'm not on good terms with his family at all (other than his 2 brothers and his cousins) and that's causing more stress because they like to drag him into problems that they have with me, which I hate, and he's really bad at telling them that he doesn't want to get in the middle ... so that just gets everybody in on the same fight...

My suggestion would be to stop everything for the moment and get out of wedding mode and spend time with FH and refresh yourself in your relationship. You still have plenty of time for planning, but you may just need a break from that and from people. Hugs.

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Thank you ... I actually brought this idea to him, his biggest concern with putting it on hold is that he wants his great grandmother at the wedding ... his papa (great grandfather) died a year before I met him ... so he's very set on having nana there ... she's already in hospice care ... I suggested doing something small in her back yard or something and doing something bigger if we want, later, but I don't think he wants that either ... I don't know what to do

I kind of agree with Sabrina. You should step back a bit. You both should want the same things and if he isn't willing to back you up when it comes to his family then you guys need to evaluate what you guys want when it comes to this wedding and your future. I understand the NO DRAMA but its stressing you out.

It’s very common to want to scrap that idea. We all go through it especially, when things are that stressful. Take a day or a week to go weddingless. Nothing wedding. While society makes women believe the day is about them, it’s FHs day too. So, reconnect after that week and really go over your wants (without thinking about the stressors of other people). How do you both see that day and how do you want to remember it? If you and FH can genuinely agree (not because of outside pressure) that you want a courthouse wedding, go for it. But if you and FH are caving in because of the other or other people, don’t do it. People get very excited over weddings but not as excited and into planning because it’s OUR wedding day, nor theirs. If your bridesmaids are supportive, appreciate it. If your moms are supportive, embrace it. Come here and vent. But, don’t let your anxiety trick you into thinking you want something else because of the stress from other people. It’s your day! Let it happen how you see fit.

Girl there has been so many times during this planning process where I have just wanted to forget the whole wedding and go to the courthouse. I am now two months out, a big bundle of stress, and doing nothing but wedding things in all my spare time. But I gotta say, I'm really getting excited for it now. My advice is to take a break. Don't postpone the wedding yet and don't cancel it. Give yourself a week at least (maybe longer if your wedding is still a good ways out) and just don't think about the wedding or do anything wedding related. Reconnect with your fiance, remember why you're doing this in the first place, and then when you're ready, go back to planning with the mindset of celebrating your fiance. Tell yourself it's all for him because HE deserves to be celebrated. Not saying you don't deserve to be celebrated, but I find that it's easier to handle when I just think about how happy it will all make my man - maybe that will help you too.

Yes I've felt that way with all the drama with my bridesmaids. If I did it over, I would exclude them and just have my stepdaughter and sister up there with me. But I'm getting married in 9 days so that's all I care abt right now lol

If your FH wants the wedding you're already planning and you don't, how about a compromise where you have that wedding, but he takes over all the planning for it? Obviously, that doesn't work if you really don't want that wedding, but if it's just the planning that is getting you down, that might be an option.

Save your sanity and go get married to your man at the court house! If things settle down with the family, you can always have a celebration later or just say to hell with them altogether and invite who you want to have with you to the courthouse and go have a party afterwards and call it a day! The only thing that matters is that you get to marry your man.

View Quoted Comment This is actually pretty much what I want... but he really wants his family there and my parents (I’m from a broken home so I have 4) all want to be there and I’m fine w that... it’s be a really full courtroom...

What if you had an intimate wedding? You just invite your nearest and dearest and BEST friends, and have a small ceremony and then go out to dinner afterwards? Or, if you want that wedding vibe, there are plenty of places that specialize in intimate weddings!

I am currently contemplating a very similar thing! Deposits have been made, close family is involved and invested, and I just can't stand the thought of a big wedding anymore.

One thing that comes to mind to help you is this: write out a pros and cons list. Or maybe do a free-write journal entry. Something to get your thoughts out and maybe get down to the root of the issue. Maybe this is just wedding stress, or maybe your true desires are just now coming to light. I fought with the fact that I jumped into planning a traditional wedding because I felt the pressure from others, and I have only recently (after 14 months of being engaged....) figured out that I may not actually want that.

Getting married is supposed to be a happy occasion. If you think about your wedding and feel mostly just anxiety, that might be a good indicator....but that's just my two cents! For all I know, this could just be from the stress. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk more! I wish you the best of luck in your decision-making process

Well because you have invested so much time already I say take a weeks break then plan what you want and don't talk wedding plans to the people who are giving you grief.

I've felt this way a few times. I'm planning our wedding pretty much by myself. Researching venues, scheduling tours, finding a hotel block with a good rate and the best perks, setting up contracts, designing and making the save the dates, invitations, bouquets, bouts, card box, centerpieces, table numbers, I have my dress and shoes..he just decided on a green jacket last night but not the rest of his outfit..i will probably find out where he is to get said jacket..and the list goes on. I work a full time 9-5 and have a child as well. FH is supportive and gives his opinions when I come to him with an either or scenario..but he's not a planner. He likes to go with the flow.

I also have an issue accepting help. I would rather do things on my own than ask others to help. Which is two fold..i don't want to feel like a burdon and I also don't want to have to redo things, and be stressed that my redo will offend smmeone, if what I'm helped with doesn't go as I wanted it to.

I'm also introverted (infj to be exact) and have found it difficult to deal with other people's additions to the wedding. I've had to calm down and let things go a few times about things his step mom and mom have just decided we were going to have..like a gathering the Friday before that we won't be able to stay long at..also we are both introverts and wedding day is doing to be enough social interaction for the two of us for weeks.

So..i feel ya. Something we've learned is to be very vague as to what you are doing. If they don't have details they can't comment. When we're asked how it's going and if we need help we answer with all is well and we're good but thanks! I'm sure it drives people nuts..because they want to be a part of it and have say..but it's our day and we are only having a wedding because want our families there and we know they would want to be there. Their only job is to show up, watch us get married and celebrate with us.

I can definitely see how overwhelmed you must feel. Try taking a week or two to yourself and relax. Think about getting a wedding planner to help you the rest of the way. They can help you. It should be less costly since you have done most of the leg work already. Hopefully this helps.

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That's a big part of the problem ... pressure from family ... his mom has judged every decision we've made since the engagement ... she's tried to be there, but I don't even want to talk to her about it anymore ... siblings and aunts/uncles etc are a big factor too and I just don't want to have them making me feel like we have to make certain arrangements just because of them and their feelings. And that's what it's turning out to be ...

You should take a step back and take a couple of days to completely take your mind of the wedding. Do something that will make you feel better...have som e you time or do a little stay cation with you FH to just spend time with each other and have fun!

and when you’ve had that time and ready to start planning again maybe keep the details between the two of you. It’s both of your day and no one else’s so if they don’t know the details they can’t give an opinion. Just say you are wanting it all to be a surprise for everyone.

that’s really helped me....only our wedding party and moms know about some details. Everyone else is in the dark

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My FH actually suggested getting a wedding planner. He didn't even know that you have to pay for them! But we barely have enough cash flow right now to even pay for the rest of the wedding let alone bring someone else on board ... he suggested having my mom help, but she lives in CA and is a realtor so she doesn't have a lot of spare time ... at this point I think we're just going to start from the beginning. Plan it the way that we want on our own time, when we get settled ... planning a wedding and planning a move - out of state no less - is a pain ...

If I could do it all over, I would do the Courthouse but then again I haven't had my wedding yet so let me get back to you on this one.