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Melinda
Expert March 2022

Wedding, mental health, and taking control back.

Melinda, on January 18, 2022 at 3:06 PM Posted in Planning 0 7
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Sorry if this is long and drawn out. A little backstory I’m 33, my fiancé is 34. We are financially dependent and actually both work two jobs. We have been together for 2.5 years living together for two of them. When we decided we wanted to have a wedding we never expected or asked people to chip in, and it’s never been offered. We are getting married March 12th.


What we didn’t know is how much drama wedding planning would truly bring us. From his sister threatening herself harm from not being a bridesmaid, to my mom telling me I’m selfish for having a wedding four hours away, to friends that won’t even text us back even though they are in the bridal party. This weekend after his bachelor party (which we paid a lot of money to fly back home for) I was on the plane home sobbing. I have a history of anxiety and ptsd, and he has ADD and PTSD. We are both normally fully functioning adults who cope the best we can. We have seen therapist and couples counselor and love each other very much and have a very healthy relationship.
Yesterday I decided I’m taking back my wedding. The things I have decided on so far is:-Not doing hair and makeup for everyone. Everyone has complained about having to be up so early for it. Even though it was fully optional. Instead I will be going to a salon. -not doing a huge rehearsal. We were going to invite close family as well as the BP but it’s a lot of the family that’s been creating drama.. I think now we are just going to do pizza and beers at our house and feed the BP. -not doing a huge party bus for family and friends when they don’t get along and don’t want to be around each other. Instead a small get away car for us.
Just seeking advice, has anyone else had to do this ? Or any other suggestions? We are meeting our wedding planner Sunday and we are going to go over things with her then. I just feel like in this whole process a lot of personal boundaries have dropped with friends and families and it’s been really mentally unhealthy/ borderline abusive for FH and I. He’s also 100% on board with all of this.

7 Comments

Latest activity by JW, on January 19, 2022 at 6:26 PM
  • A
    Expert June 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    I absolutely support this! You do you!! If they don't pay, they get no say. And if people have the audacity to complain about optional services, then I would agree to re-focus your money, time, and mental energy on what makes the most sense for the two of you, and the two of you only!! On top of the mental health benefits, I think it'll give you some special moments throughout your wedding day to be still and reflect with your new spouse!!! Major props for this breakthrough, and I wish you absolutely the best!!!

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  • Melinda
    Expert March 2022
    Melinda ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you so much for the support and kind words! Exactly what I needed to hear. I wish you the best as well Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    Boundaries are a good thing. As long as you're not requiring H/MU, then you can let the wedding party fend for themselves. You don't need a party bus, people can organize their own transportation. I mean, the people in your wedding party don't have to be friends, it's just one day.

    I hope it works out for you!

    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    Congrats!!! Way to take your wedding and health back!
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  • Bird
    Devoted June 2021
    Bird ·
    • Flag
    I’m so sorry you have to deal with all of this! I think your mindset of “taking back your wedding” is awesome!


    For my wedding, I went to the salon the morning of, by myself! It was glorious. I did it because I’m an introvert and wanted time to myself before the busy day. I also had getting ready photos with just me and my mom and then I asked her to leave so I could do a first look with my now husband. He drove us to our wedding venue, no limo or anything, it was amazing, we held hands and listened to music on the car ride.
    A lot of our decisions were to avoid potential drama. It ended up being a drama free wedding which I’m thankful for. I truly hope you can turn your wedding around and embrace all the positives and all the great things you’re planning!
    • Reply
  • Melinda
    Expert March 2022
    Melinda ·
    • Flag

    Thank you everyone for your kind words! Looking forward to meeting with the wedding planner this weekend to discuss all this.

    • Reply
  • JW
    Dedicated September 2021
    JW ·
    • Flag

    Cheering you on! Handle your business. One suggestion is to communicate and underscore these boundaries to your planner and vendors – stick to the plan: Ignore random requests unless they are directly from your planner or the two of you. We didn't face nearly as much drama as you're navigating and I still needed to pull rank during family photos because MIL was trying to pull our second photographer around to take candids before the family photos were complete. I sent the coordinator to bring back the second photographer and told the three of them "No other photos are to be taken until my shot list is done."

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