Wedding Location

Based on only the information provided, I would have it wear you live. That seems like the easiest way to keep things “fair” and that you and FH both agree on. I would not look at venue in all 3 locations, it’ll likely make the decision harder.

My thoughts are that you wouldn’t want to have it where you live or somewhere in the middle, because then everybody is forced to travel. Which leaves either where your family lives, or where his lives. And since your parents are paying for it, I think it makes more sense to have it where they live. Not only is it more respectful and a small way to thank them for their generosity, but it will also be more convenient with planning, as I’m assuming they will be the ones writing checks, etc to the venue and vendors.

I agree with Cool. The most "fair" compromise would be where you live. It also sounds like your place is actually a middle distance between the two families.

I’d look everywhere! Like everywhere you want to. If there’s no way to make it fair then you might as well try to find a venue you really love no matter the location. I looked in 2 different states and it wasn’t that much work. The only really tricky part was venue tours. But you can even do those virtually now with some venues. I would narrow it down your venue search by other things not location.

So we were kind of in the same boat. We were looking at venues near my extended family, then near my mom, but ultimately (before we completely changed gears and went with close to no one and decided on a destination wedding) we were going to go with a venue near where we live.

In the end, I also think it will be easier on you to plan the wedding closer to where you live. Venue tours won't require an afternoon or more off from work (most venues are only available for tours weekdays during normal business hours) if you do them in town. You'll be able to meet your vendors in person. You'll be able to store decorations at your house and not worry how to transport them 3.5 hours away the day before your wedding. Getting wedding gifts and decorations back home won't be as much of a headache.

BUT you can definitely tour venues in all 3 areas, or at least do a lot of online research upfront and see if you can narrow anything down!

View Quoted Comment This! So much. We also had this issue, only "our" distances are even bigger. In the end we've decided for a venue close to where we live. It's not just the touring, most venues will let you view them on a weekend outside of the wedding season if you ask nicely. But you have to drive there multiple times during wedding planning, for example we're having a wine tasting this Friday and it's only going to take two hours, so having to schedule your whole weekend around a two hour event will would be a bit of an overkill... And we can both drink and take a cab home, lol. Also, I was on the phone with the venue coordinator regarding tables and I had trouble imagining the room layout she was talking about, so she told me to just come over in the evening and showed me everything. Things like this, anything spontaneous, are not possible if you have to drive, even if it's only 2 hours.

What is your FH's reasoning for wanting it closer to his side? Is there a reason his family members wouldn't be able to travel that distance? Because if not, then I tend to agree with you. Your parents are paying for the majority of it, I think it should be near where you two live, or closer to your parents. They have more skin in the game, and will likely want to see what they're paying for. Even though there shouldn't be strings attached, I think it would show appreciation on your part to have it closer to your parents.