Wedding location

I'm having an out of state wedding. My FH & my family lives in southeast PA, but we're getting married in Charlottesville, VA. The wedding is about you and your future spouse, and you should choose to have it wherever you want. However with having a wedding 5 hours from home, we had a 50% decline rate. So the farther from home usually the less people will attend. So if you want a large wedding you might want to have it within 1 or 2 hours from home.

You can have it where you like, but if it is far away or inconvenient for your guests, prepare for some of them to decline.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! We were looking at all our options. We live in New Jersey with some of my family and some of his. However we both have family in North Carolina and Ohio. Therefore our guest would have to travel regardless. I will definitely keep in mind how far we choose. But I'm glad our decision wasnt selfish.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I was really starting to feel bad because of the reactions I received. I will be very mindful of the distance I choose.

Welcome to WeddingWire, Chynna!

I think you can totally have an out-of-state wedding, if that's what you and your FS want! The decision of where to have your wedding is very much up to you and your FS and what you two feel most comfortable with! As Darla and Annie said, you might not have as many people who will be able to come as it can be hard for some to travel! But I definitely think the decision is totally whatever makes you two happy

We are in a similar boat with family living in different places... we live in New Jersey, FH's whole family and a lot of his friends live in California, and my relatives are scattered... Seattle, Colorado, Maryland, Australia (literally, lol). There's really no way to make everyone happy! We decided to just do our wedding in New Jersey because (1) it was easiest for us (2) the people we are closest to is mostly my immediate family and grandparents, all of whom also live in NJ. My grandparents are also paying for a huge portion of our wedding and they said we can have it wherever and do whatever we want, but my grandpa is old and won't travel out of the state, so he wouldn't come if it was further away. It was very important to us that he be able to attend, so we prioritized that as well.

You can't please everyone though, especially when your relatives and friends are so scattered! Do what makes you happy!

You can have your wedding where you want. It is your day and you should do it your way. Keep in mind though, that if you do have it far away from where the majority of guests live you may have more people decline the invitation than if you had it in a more central location.

View Quoted Comment Thank you some much! I really do hope my family members that are upset about the location do decide that it will be worth it and I also plan on letting everyone know in advance about the location that my fiance and I will choose.

Agree with everything already posted. I'd just add that when guests do decline -- because it's too far, too expensive, whatever -- try to be incredibly gracious about it, even if you are disappointed they won't be able to join you. In our extended family, a wedding was planned for a location 3000 miles from 85% of the guest list. Going alone, without my family, cost me $2500 and time off work at a very inconvenient time of year. There were other family members who had to decline, but both the bride and her mother made it VERY clear they were angry with those who declined.... I would have preferred to decline, but they made such an issue about it I felt I had no choice but to go. A year later, I'm still resentful. So, yes, make whatever choices you want regarding your wedding, but be understanding if guests have to decline as a result of those choices. Good luck!

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Of course! That's a great idea! Then they'll have plenty of time to make travel arrangements!

View Quoted Comment That is completely true there isnt a way to make everyone happy. My main concern is making myself and my fiance happy and we both are in agreement with an out of state wedding. We are looking everywhere but Pennsylvania is looking like a winner. Which isnt far at all from the family in New Jersey. Thank you so much for the advice!

The wedding IS about the bride and groom. So don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Having an out of state wedding is absolutely NOT selfish, but much like everyone else has said - you just have to be prepared for people to decline, and possibly a few "party poopers" to have a few words to say about it. But this is YOUR DAY as a couple, and what you want...you want! For a lot of couples, any wedding would be "out of state" and require travel for about half of the guest list as it is. For ours, his entire family and friend base is in Minnesota and we're having the wedding in Chicago where we both live and I grew up. Do what makes YOU GUYS happy, but just keeping in mind that the longer the travel distance, the more likely a guest is to decline.

View Quoted Comment Im wondering how many people would decline since majority would have to travel regardless. I guess I should see how many people would decline before any major decision. Because if majority decline then theres no need for a huge wedding and extra expenses. Thank you so much for the advice!

View Quoted Comment Yes absolutely, if certain people cant attend I wont hold it against them or be mad. I should be happy that I'm even getting married. I will definitely respect everyone of my guest decision. Thank you so much!

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I want everyone to be able to attend and I want to be able to have whatever wedding I want. Which is why I'm planning so early. I only got engaged 3 days ago but I understand weddings take a lot of time and planning on both parts.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much. I couldn't believe what I was being told! How can a wedding ceremony not be about the bride and groom. And the person further explained that if i have it out of state I'm causing guest to have to pay more and therefore it's less gifts for me and my fiance. Which I told them I dont care about gifts and it's not about that to me. I will try my best to not let anyone get me down about my choice of wedding and I'll be sure to let my guest know in advance about the final location decision. Again thank you so much.

I have mine across the country, because that's where we wanted it. If people can't go for that reason, fine- with the exception of like my mom, etc who are very close to us and couldn't afford it, so we helped her pay to go.

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There will always be someone with something snarky to say. The key is to just remember this is your day, and whatever you want GOES! Someone will always be trying to make it "Theirs" somehow, whether directly or indirectly. From complaining about the location to saying "oh that's not the dress I would have picked" to saying "well I would have never picked blue and silver because it's a fall wedding, but that's just me." and all sorts of things. The point of having a wedding ceremony is to celebrate your MARRIAGE, and the point of having a reception is to CELEBRATE your marriage - but both of them are YOURS. Just keep doing YOU and let the talkers talk

View Quoted Comment Thank you for responding. Did you have a huge decline in guest? I dont plan on going too far just one of the states surrounding New Jersey but I guess that's still a problem is my family's eyes.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! I'm gonna have to keep all of this in mind moving forward. I know a lot of people are going to put their two cents in and completely disagree with my choices. But as long as I'm happy and my fiance is happy with the decision then it's a happy wedding. I'll make sure that I focus on not pleasing everyone else but staying happy with our choices.