Wedding Location? Near the brides family? Please help. I need advice.

I don't think it's unreasonable at all. I thought that's how it was always done! ETA: Unless his family is only like a few hours away, then maybe do something in between.

How far away is the groom's family from the brides family?

For my particular situation, we have friends and family all about 4 hours away from each other, so there was no pleasing anyone. We knew that people were going to have to drive no matter what, so we picked the venue we liked best for us!

Well, his family lives in Shanghai, China. I'm from Cincinnati, OH. The closest relatives are in Birmingham, Alabama and in Panama City Beach, Florida.

Where does he want to have it? China?

Where do you guys live?

Currently we're in Lexington, Kentucky -- but we're likely to make a move for work soon (not sure where yet!). He doesn't really have a specific idea of where he'd like to have it -- he just wanted to keep our options open. Maybe Birmingham. Maybe wherever we're living when our date comes around -- (but you can't book a venue like that!).

I don't think you should use the fact that your parents are funding it and it's tradition to justify having the wedding closer to your family. I think the fact about your grandparents not really being able to travel is however a better reason to have it near your family.

We are having our wedding closer to the groom's family (in California) and my family (in Colorado) will have to travel for it. We both actually live in Hawaii so California was a nice halfway point. We also wanted to keep a tropical wedding without having to force people to spend tons of money to fly to Hawaii so it was easier to have it in California.

I would actually consider more how easy the location will be for the two of you to find what you want, and afford it. If you both envision a beach in Florida then do it there but you could maybe get more for your money in Ohio. Don't look at it as just tradition for it to be near the bride's family, it is an old tradition and not really convincing. His family is important too so don't forget that. It may be best for you to get married somewhere in the middle (or wherever you currently live now), or like you said get married near your grandparents. You both need to be willing to compromise.

By the way...my FH's parents are also from Shanghai (FH was born in the US though), super cool!

China...oh, heck no! If that's where he wants to have it, then stick to your guns, cause that's way far away!!! Especially if your family is paying for it, there's no way he should even think to make you have everyone travel that far!!

Your grandparents are 90, they can't travel, I don't see how this is even in debate. Yea, it'll be spendy for his family to fly from China but it'll be spendy for you guys to fly to China and your grandparents couldn't be there! ETA- thought it was your parents that were 90 for some reason.. Either way, the answer is obvious.

My parents are funding most of it, but we're getting married near my in-laws. It's closer to where we live and roughly halfway between my parents and us. Ideally we would have had it closer to where we live, but we loved the venue up near them.

@Happy in Hawaii -- Nice! Do his folks still live there?

And I would do it somewhere in between but we have a good number of international guests coming in -- and there aren't a lot of major airports besides Atlanta between us. And we have zero connections or desires to get married in Atlanta. Everywhere else people would have to drive.

The venue that we both like is in Cincinnati and is even near the airport. It's beautiful AND practical. He just still keeps bringing up that we limited our locations to Cincinnati whenever a spat over wedding planning occurs. He feels like I'm planning it all without him. . . which isn't the case. I just want some things lined up so it doesn't feel overwhelming. . . Also, the venue that we both like in Cincinnati books up 18 months in advance. . . So, if we wanted our date it's kind of a now or never situation.

Gah! This is all so frustrating. I want him to be involved in the planning -- but he keeps saying he's too busy/too stressed to plan something that's so far away. And sure, we've got time -- but the big things book up fast! I just want the basics nailed down. . .

Maybe try somewhere that's close to Cincinnati, but isn't Cincinnati, if he's freaking out about just that location. Otherwise, I'd say let him choose a few other things and compromise, like you get Cincinnati, and he gets to pick out a grooms cake or something, so he still feels involved. Maybe he doesn't know the severity of the need to pick something now before it books up!

I don't think he does feel the urgency in getting some things settled before the dates are gone. . . I mean we do have a lot more time as compared to most couples -- but things also book up a long time in advance. . . And I do love Birmingham, but my family wouldn't know where to begin with the planning in a city they've never been too. Also, his family has been very hands off about all of this. They're trying not to overstep since traditionally it is the brides family who plans these things -- and his family is very traditional. I just don't know what to do. I want him to be happy with the decisions made. I feel like he's just acquiescing rather than actually bringing his own desires and suggestions to the table.

I totally get what your saying me and FH had a big blow out about this topic. The place were I picked the reception is 20 minutes from my parents and 30 to 45 min from hes, we have a year to plan and it's enough time for everyone to plan on getting there and my parents are funding the food and place.

My grandparents are in their mid 90s, and I'm the only grandchild they'll see get married. We're not eloping so they can be there. We're also having it in my hometown at a church and hall so they can be there. (Opposed to the outdoors shindig he wanted.)

I have to say it's much more convenient to have it somewhere you'll have help planning and running....

Nope, my in-laws fucking suck and I'm still having it in their state where they aren't supporting the wedding (literally and metaphorically) and my family all needs to fly in. I do think you're limiting it, why not at least explore other areas?

How many dates are still open at that venue? All venues will tell you "this venue books 18 months in advance" when you're asking 18 months in advance. Ask for weekends in October, then August, and see how many dates actually are available

@Kate, no his parents have been living in California for about 30 years now, but they're originally both from Shanghai. When FH was growing up they spoke the Shanghai dialect so FH is fluent in that but can't really speak Mandarin (he understands a little here and there) but it's funny because not many people know that dialect unless they're from Shanghai. I bet your FH and my FH could converse though!

As far as planning with him...maybe look for some venues elsewhere then give him a few you wouldn't mind and present it to him and discuss it and hopefully you can both come to an agreement of what you like best and what makes the most sense for your guests and that will probably be the one you're already looking at. He might just appreciate having some other options just so he knows you're making the right decision by staying near your family. My FH was super involved with planning and he really liked it when I presented him a few options and then we'd decide together. He had no part in the initial searching for vendors. Usually I'd give him like a list of 5 DJs we'd meet with them and decide from there. So maybe that's something that he wouldn't mind spending time on. Good luck!

If it's tradition to have the wedding near the bride's family I've never heard of it.

In fact, all my friends who have family in different places, they have a destination wedding. That way everyone has to travel to be at their wedding. I know 3 couples who's families were helping to pay for the wedding, but they did a destination wedding so that no one family was favoured over the other.

Yes, its traditional, especially since they will be hosting (paying) for it.