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Just Said Yes October 2020

Wedding location advice

Jessica, on September 1, 2019 at 8:42 PM Posted in Planning 0 11

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Okay. Bear with me... I hope I get these abbreviations correct! Looking for advice on where to host our wedding since our families are very divided about it...

So, FH and I both hail from different home states (KY for him and MD for me) and now we both live in CO, where we have lived for 3 years together. We packed up in 2016 and drove cross country together.

We are planning to get married here in CO on 10/10/20 because it’s our home and it’s special to us. This is where we’ve spent 95% of our relationship. This is where we’ve built a home and a life together. We’re planning on a small (just immediate families and friends, not a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins) Colorado wedding themed around our love story. We’re also paying for it and planning it entirely on our own.

FH’s family mostly resides in KY, about 10 hours from my family in MD. Both families have elderly family members who can’t travel on a plane or drive/be driven the 10 hours to the other state (or even a few hours to the middle).

When told the date and location, my FMIL just said, “I will be there,” as have all of our friends. But, of course, those who can’t travel want the wedding to be close to them and it’s getting out of hand. We don’t know what to do. We don’t have the money to host two receptions and neither of our families will (or have the ability) to help us with paying for and planning a reception in either state.

Obviously we’d love to have EVERYONE come to the wedding. Everyone who can’t come is also taking it very personally, as if we’re purposefully not hosting it near them so they don’t have to travel, but they’re not accounting for the other side of the family in the other state that also wouldn’t be able to come...

My mother is just now telling me (as in, she hasn’t mentioned it before) about how several family members “aren’t doing well and won’t be around much longer” and it almost seems like an attempt to guilt us into hosting it in MD.

Anyone gone through this before? Any advice?

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Sara, on September 2, 2019 at 8:58 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on September 1, 2019 at 8:55 PM
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I would keep it in CO. Having both families travel seems like the most fair option. It’s unfortunate that some people won’t be able to attend, but as long as you’re okay with that, I would stick to your original choice.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on September 1, 2019 at 9:03 PM
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I agree that I'd keep the wedding in CO. It seriously isn't fair for your mom to guilt you like that
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Jessica · on September 1, 2019 at 9:28 PM
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I just wish there was a way to make them understand that we’re not choosing CO to spite any of them, but we’re doing it because it’s our home and all the other reasons I listed above.
I really wish we had the magical ability to have a wedding here in CO and then a reception in each home state, but we just can’t without help.
I just worry that I’m making a terrible choice and that my mom won’t be at my wedding unless it’s in MD...
She has never come to visit us since living her. Iwas even diagnosed with stage 2 melanoma earlier this year and had to have surgery and lymph nodes biopsied and she STILL didn’t come out to CO. Hasn’t come to visit us once since being out here, even though FH and I have offered to fly her out, pay for a rental car, train ticket, etc. (and she has had friends offer the same). And now she’s saying she “will do everything” in her power to be here, but that she might not.
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Super April 2021
Izzykern · on September 1, 2019 at 10:06 PM
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It is your day so you should host it wherever and however you want, in my opinion! I think it’s pretty rude when family members take it personally like that, especially when they are not paying for it or are not immediate family. We are having a destination wedding, so I get where you are coming from! when we discuss our wedding with our family, we make it evident that we have made most of the decisions already and ask they respect our wishes for our wedding day it can get hard when everyone has opinions and does not see the whole picture like the bride does!
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Devoted October 2019
Summer · on September 2, 2019 at 12:21 AM
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You could do the Facebook live at the ceremony so those who can't make it can still see it
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on September 2, 2019 at 3:57 AM
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Keep your plans as they are. If you have family that is that sick that they can’t travel, they may not be able to attend a local wedding either. That’s also a crappy way to try and guilt someone. It doesn’t matter where your wedding is, there will always be people who can’t attend or who complain about the location, time or date. Stick with what you want. It’s your day and you and your fiancé should have the best day possible. Weddings aren’t planned to make everyone happy, only the bride and groom.
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Dedicated October 2021
Jillian · on September 2, 2019 at 4:36 AM
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You have the wedding where you want it. Dont let anyone tell you where you need to have it. If they want to see it set up a live feed for them to watch the ceremony but of course set it up so it doesn't disrupt or distract anyone in any way.
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VIP September 2019
Mrs. Bubba · on September 2, 2019 at 6:43 AM
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If you’re paying, then you have it where YOU want to.

Those that can and want to be there, will be.

Congratulations!
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on September 2, 2019 at 7:43 AM
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I’m sorry that your family is putting this pressure on you but it’s your day and you should have it where you want to and since you are paying nobody should be trying to influence you. If they really want to be there they will be no matter what so stand your ground and see who shows up. Good luck.
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Dedicated September 2020
Lyndsay · on September 2, 2019 at 8:33 AM
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Wow I am in the same boat! We also moved to Colorado and are hoping our families and friends will be there but are expecting a lower turnout than if we got married in our home states. He is from Minnesota and I am from California. I am still planning my dream wedding up in Broomfield so we are sending save the dates and hoping for the best turn out possible. We may end up with a smaller turnout but it will still be a special day!
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Expert February 2020
Sara · on September 2, 2019 at 8:58 AM
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I agree with everyone else. This is your wedding. Plan it where you want. Colorado is your home..so it makes perfect sense to have it there. The people who want to be there will be there. The people who are too sick to travel might not be well enough to attend when you do have it..even if you have it close by. Your wedding is about you and FH. No one else's opinions weigh more.

FH and I are having our wedding close to family (within 40 minutes of his local family and super close to mine) and we're still getting a little bit of crap about it. We opted for a February wedding because the date is special to us. We've heard a bunch of stuff about how so and so probably won't come because they don't want to travel in winter. A winter wedding makes it harder to people to make it. Oh well. We can't make everyone happy.
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