Wedding Jitters - alternative to premarital counseling

I'm fairly certain you can go to a psychologist for premarital counseling. It doesn't have to be religious.

I'm right there with you. I've started imagining all the little things that could go wrong whenever I'm left alone with my thoughts.

ETA: PK's correction

Do you HAVE to do a premarital counseling?

^Psychologist. Psychiatrists prescribe medication. Psychologists conduct talk therapy.

There are lots of secular premarital counseling programs as well, I would google some in your area. We loved our counseling (it was religious but covered lots of aspects of married life) and I definitely recommend it.

No I don't really want to do premarital counseling and a psychologist isn't going to help me prepare for marriage. I am talking more of maybe some books or suggested literature.

I highly recommend counseling. Perhaps your work ace offers something similar to life works. They will help guide you

There are non-religious premarital counselors. They might be called relationship counselors, marriage counselors, or family counselors, but they can do premarital counseling too.

ETA: I think it's a bit presumptuous of you to say a psychologist can't help you prepare for marriage. There are more than just psychologists who identify mental disorders. Social psychologists focus almost entirely on relationships.

Otherwise, I would just say get one of those 100 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married books (not a title, more like a genre). It doesn't replace that third-party, but it can at least get your conversation started, and it might bring something up you guys haven't thought of yet.

Do you have anyone in your family who's been married for a really long time? Like a strong role model that you can sit down and talk to?? FH has his grandparents and parents and I have my parents. His GP have been married for 63yrs, his parents for 40 and mine for 39. Its always nice to sit down with them and just talk....

Guys, she's nervous and wants book suggestions so she can nod along and be reassured.

I personally, have not read any marriage advice books, but I feel like you could search categories on amazon or goodreads and go by the reviews!

@Amanda....I have a therapist for daily life and they do not offer what I am looking for.

@FMP...that is exactly what I was thinking. My parents have been married for 41 years and we are going to their house this weekend. We will probably have some good conversation.

I think what I am feeling is that I have focused so much on this wedding and not really prepared myself for the marriage. Maybe I am overthinking it, but I would rather over thing than under think

I recommend this book to everyone: http://www.amazon.com/The-Love-Languages-Secret-Lasts/dp/080241270X

It's great for learning the best way to communicate with and show appreciation for your mate. If you want to be prepared in a different way I would suggest reading or talking about money, kids, how you want to raise them if you want to have them, etc. I don't know of any good books on those topics, but I am sure someone else can recommend some.

You may find this weird, but at times when I see a really old couple still together I ask them "what's your secret for staying together for so long?" and they answer. Men always say, keep her happy and the women always say patience and communication.

We did catholic pre cana, but our course was to talk with a married couple a few different times about what marriage really is. If you can find people who will open up to you about real marriage struggles, it is actually pretty comforting. We couldn't do this with our parents because it would have been uncomfortable talking about certain things, and they would have rose colored things that others can be honest about. Maybe a friend or relative?

Also - at the end of marriage prep classes, there are quizzes. There are samples of these online that you could look through. They aren't technically to see if you are suitable for marriage, they just ask the questions that you should know the answers to so you are both on the same page. I know it seems cheesy, but it really helped my now husband and me realize what is waiting after the wedding!!!

Someone on WW suggested The 5 Love Languages and I did read it. It was quite good. It's not an all encompassing book, though and mainly talks about how to make your partner feel loved and appreciated (which is of course extremely important). I did also flip through a book called The 10 Conversations You Must Have Before Getting Married (and How to Have Them) and found that personally for us we already had talked about most of those things.

@Jacqui.....thanks that is definitely a good suggestion.

@FMP....I have don't that a couple times too. I love to hear their stories! It is so inspiring!

@FutureMrsZ.....good to know! I had no idea about these quizzes but I will definitely check them out

@LadyMonk......awesome I will up both of those books.

@Tara...exactly!! LOL

This is the book that we are reading for our pre-marital counseling. There is a whole course that can go with it if you go through a church/organization, but since our pastor is a retired family friend, he is just going to work through it with us.

http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797

I just searched for this thread to add another suggestion. I haven't read this yet, but a therapist friend I trust just recommended this book, Making Marriage Simple:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0770437141/ref=ox_sc_act_title_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER