Wedding Jealousy?

No need to apologize.

Sometimes you need to get things off your chest.

Why did your father threaten to kick you out?

View Quoted Comment Honestly, I have no idea
He loves FH and he gave us this house.
Maybe he doesn’t want us to get married young, and have it go wrong like his marriage did? I can only guess at this point.

Before I was engaged I was super jealous of people getting engaged/married. I remember crying when my sister met, got engaged, and married before I was engaged. My FH didn't understand he just kept saying that it would happen for us and we were going at our own pace. It's a hurt you can't explain. I was insanely happy for my sister but painfully jealous it wasn't me.

I totally understand how you feel and you have every right to feel it. My fiancé’s brother started dating his now wife the same time we started dating. They got engaged quickly and have been married for two years now and we just got engaged and have over another year to wait. It is so frustrating and makes me feel bad but the closer we get I’ve started to forget and just be happy it’s happening. It doesn’t sound like that is working the same for you. And then people are like that’s their life and you are just being envious cut it out...ugh have some empathy! I’m so sorry your father is treating you this way. I have zero advice but I hope everything gets better for you soon

View Quoted Comment Thanks Peggy!
It’s good to hear that someone else has experienced this, I was feeling like a grade A butthead.

I know how you feel. I watched 2 couples that started dating 6 months - a year after us get married like 5ish years ago. And about a million other people, including his sister...twice. She even gave us a hard time, jokingly but still annoying at the time, about us needing to get married including writing it on the outside of a card that went through the mail. We waited because we didn't want to get married in a courthouse like she did, that's great if that's actually what you want. But I wanted a wedding with the big poofy dress, dancing, food, drinks and cake and not just vows and dinner because I know I'd regret that because I've always wanted the big wedding. To me it was worth waiting 7.5 years for him to FINALLY finish school (only he can take 13 years for a 4 year degree lol) and then find a full time job (6 more months) and start saving for a ring (a year) and eventually give it to me a year after he buys it, a day after our 10 year anniversary and get married a month, and 11 days after our 11 year anniversary lol. The waiting and the jealously is so hard. But you will get there eventually. For us it ws worth it to wait until we were more financially stable. We would have either gone into major debt or had to sacrifice what we wanted if we had done this any sooner, it's so nice having 2 full incomes instead of just his part time and my full time or worse when my full time paid way less than now and I had to work part time too and my 2 jobs and his part time job were still less than I make now.
I hope you don't have to wait as long as I did and I'm sorry your dad is being like that! You should have a heart to heart with him to see what is going on, or at least confirm it is what you think it is and let him know how he's making you feel. Good luck!

Please don’t feel bad! I was Like that as well! It wasn’t until I put Deposits on things that it felt real. Now my best friend is in that spot when it comes to my wedding. We’ve been together two years they have been together three. And I’m not even mad at her because that was me. Now I feel More like that about babies.

Just go and get married! All this waiting and saving up really takes the fun out of getting married and makes it so stressful and not special.

Don’t feel bad! I do understand how you feel. A lot of the people I went to school with got engaged and married in no time — even coworkers! I was engaged as of 2015 so it’s going to officially be a 3 year mark for me this upcoming October. But things were happening in our families, loved ones became ill, and life really just happens. I’m sure you’re just anxious to have your big day, and rightfully so. Just remember that everything happens for a reason, and it happens when it was meant to happen. We’ve only now started our wedding planning. Even still, it started to feel real when I recently hosted a bridesmaid proposal brunch at home, and made deposits towards the wedding. There is no ideal time of when everything should take place, but I promise that when it takes it’s course it’ll be all worth it. In the mean time, we just have to be happy for everyone around us who is opening the new chapter in their lives. In fact, they serve as great resources to give you planning advice! I hope it all works out, and I’m sure it will. Congrats!

View Quoted Comment Getting married is always special, no matter how long or how short you wait.

OP think about what the two of you want, if you want to get married and it doesn't matter to you how, then go do it. It will be wonderful because you're marrying the person you love. If you want something that costs a bit more, then wait. You both are dedicated to each other and you're still spending your life with the person you love. I totally get the jealousy thing. I've been dating my fh for about 10 years and I've seen people get married after 6 months of knowing the person. I was soo soo happy for them, but I was also like super jealous. But paying for everything we really want, and doing it on our own makes me feel super good and confident about myself. Its totally normal to feel the way you feel, just remember that it will all pay off!

I get jealous really easily. The thing I have to remind myself is this: I have a great life, and I have no idea what goes on in this other person’s life. If I had a day in that person’s shoes, I’d probably be begging to go back to my life!
The thing is, even if you think her wedding was perfect, you have no idea the stress that could have happened that day. Not saying you should wish bad things happen to other people!! 😂 I’m just saying, remind yourself not to be jealous of what you see on social media, because it never tells the whole story.

I feel you. I got off Facebook for over a year because all I was seeing were friends (and family) getting married and having babies and I was comparing myself. FH's sister started dating a month after us and got married a year and a half ago, FH's bf just had a kid a few days ago, and two of my sisters are married, one just announced she's pregnant and the other already has a kid LOL....aye. It does feel like now that I have things set (venue/vendors) things are moving along and I hope you're able to do that - it'll come. The situation with you dad sounds...odd (I think I'm used to hearing parents wanting kids married and then they buy the house, not the other way around)? Have you asked him why he feels the way he does? It could help.

I totally get it. I don't want to be the downer here but I was engaged once before to an ex who kept pushing our wedding date out. He did not want to introduce me to his family or meet my family, and he did not want to actually plan anything. Anyway, watching him keep pushing our marriage out made me see that he was not for me. I ended up breaking up with him right before having to attend and play key roles in my brother's wedding, which was incredibly difficult. I was making decorations and wrapping gifts and basically planning for some other bride, and yes the jealousy was totally totally there. I will also say that certain things happened at the wedding which definitely made the bitterness worse.

HOWEVER, this was only MY personal situation. There are a lot of other stories here that prove waiting can be the right way to go, and that may be true for you as well. The only person who knows what you're going through is you.

You don’t sound bad at all. I can give you the we all do things at a different time speech. That you are young and have a lot of time. I know that will not help. Even though it is true. The best I can tell you is concentrate on being in love.

I completely understand where you are coming from and because I am 20 as well and engaged, it does feel like people are against you because of age. My FMIL got married young and it didn’t work, so she has shown some sceptisism. Which it really does suck because every relationship is different and people tend to compare your situation with theirs and think it will turn out just like them when that’s not the case at all. It is totally normal to feel the way you do though ! Especially with other people around you getting married. Everything will fall into place. Just think about how perfect it will be when y’all do have the wedding ! Sometimes time can be a good thing. Stay positive ❤️

I wasn't able to read through all of the comments, so I hope I'm not repeating any of them, but here it goes

First, I feel for you and I'm sorry it seems like the world is against you. You have no reason to apologize, you are entitled to your feelings. My word of advice (b/c I went through the same thing for the 2 years and 8 months I was engaged) don't get stuck watching everyone else's story. You are on your own journey.

Next topic... the money. If this is important to you, I suggest start saving for it. Create a goal of how much you want to spend total and then break it down by month/ week/ etc. Start making this a priority. If you don't save for it, you will never have money for it. My husband and I paid for our entire wedding and we felt extremely accomplished, but money definitely didn't appear out of nowhere. Our first priority was saving for a home which we purchased about a year before we officially tied the knot. Once that goal was out of the way we knew how much we could afford for a wedding. Any extra money we got or made we would stash in a high interest earning savings account. Pick up odd jobs like Uber, instcart, etc. Things you can do on the side of a full time job. Work a day at a local coffee shop. Put it all to the wedding fund.

It is possible but you a FH need to be on the same page and need to start making it a priority if you want it. Also weddings don't have to cost that much. Make compromises and splurge on a few things.

Ok, let me tell you a story about something similar that happened to me and I hope maybe you can relate to/learn from this.

Last summer, I was 21 and my FH was 23. We had been dating for over a year and a half. One of FH's friends (let's call him John) tells us that he is engaged. Our reaction: "......you're dating someone?!" Turns out, John met this girl (let's call her Jane), they fell in love immediately, and were engaged in 1 month. By the way, Jane was only 19. They started planning their wedding to take place on their 1 year anniversary.

On a conscious level, I was aware that their situation was ridiculous (even though John claimed it was just romantic). He got engaged to a 19 year old after 1 month of dating? Really? They barely knew each other. But on a subconscious level, I felt so horribly bitter and jealous, that after a year and a half of dating, we weren't even talking about the possibility of getting engaged.

About 6 months later, we got engaged. But every time I saw something having to do with John and Jane's wedding (Jane is very big on over-sharing details on social media) I STILL would feel that pit of resentment in my stomach, like they had it better than us somehow because they were doing everything *sooner.*

John and Jane got married this summer. We had lunch with them one day about a month ago. And suddenly...... the illusion was shattered. As much as I really hate to say it (because I do really like John, so of course, despite my jealousy, I do sincerely wish him happiness) they are SO unhappy. Jane was basically yelling at him the entire time we were at lunch (it was super awkward...) and making comments to me like "yeah your wedding will be the best day of your life and then it's ALL DOWNHILL FROM THERE" and would literally then glare at John. YIKES. On top of that, both of them dropped out of college (because I guess it was weird to them to be married and still in college...?) and then after 6 months of being out of school realized they were broke, so they moved in with Jane's parents and are now working minimum wage jobs... John works nights, and Jane works days, so they almost never see each other (and when they are together, it doesn't seem very good either...)

My point is: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE IS LIKE. Be thankful for what you have and do not compare yourself to others, especially when you don't fully know what you are even comparing yourself to. I can look at their perfect wedding and Jane's cheesy Instagram posts with song lyric captions and photos of them gazing lovingly into each other's eyes, and feel hugely jealous of all that... but when it came down to their REAL lives... it was clearly far from perfect.

Don't wish for someone else's life, or someone else's situation. Don't compare yourself to others. For every married friend you feel jealousy towards, I guarantee there is a single friend who feels exactly the same way about you. You're 20, right? And you're engaged and living with your fiance! That's a lot more than most people have at age 20. Everyone has their own problems, and your situation is probably much better than you realize!

Hey, I totally understand where you're coming from!

FH and I are young (I'm 21, he's 20) and we dated for almost 4 years before getting engaged. Meanwhile our friend met, got engaged, and got married before us getting engaged so I was very happy for them but also sort of bitter because I was jealous that she got to get married before I did. At the time I saw it as "It's just not fair".

After sitting down with FH and just talking with him about this he emphasized that marriage is important to both of us, but it's not going to change our relationship because we've been together for so long that we pretty much act married haha.

Your day will come, and although it sucks and seems like it just isn't fair just remember that you love each other so much! Don't let it affect your relationship! If we could have afforded it we would have gotten married next summer, but unfortunately we can't so we decided to be engaged for a little over 2 years! It's times like this that I like to say: "sometimes adulting just sucks" because we're forced to be responsible in whatever unique situation we're in (ie: financially, emotionally, mentally, etc.)! It's also my favorite time to buy something small for the wedding! That's why I bought our card box. I was feeling jealous, found a gift card I had forgotten about, and ordered it!

We've had friends get engaged after us, but are getting married before us and trust me, I know the feeling! I'm SO ready for our day to be here! But by having a 15 month engagement, we've been able to save, pay for stuff as we go and not rely on anyone for anything unless they've offered. It's been a breeze, whereas some of our friends have been ridiculously stressed in their planning because they didn't give themselves near enough time. Everything looks kosher from the outside, but it's not always rainbows and butterflies!

Just know your day will be here before you know it and it'll be absolutely perfect! Use the extra time to your advantage. Really research vendors, create a budget, save every dime and use Pinterest for ideas. Start collecting things for centerpieces and aisle decorations.