Jessica
Beginner March 2020

Wedding is Over The Top

Jessica, on December 9, 2019 at 1:15 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 9
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My intimate wedding has turned into a large scale affair and I'm not sure how to scale it down. I think I just got carried away and now it's this whole big thing. I thought that I was okay with it, but now it just seems really extra. We're locked into the venue, which is a boutique hotel that we bought out for the entire weekend. Our guest list is approaching 200 when we wanted 75-100. Since it's a weekend at the hotel, we decided to do a welcome dinner and a "farewell brunch". Also I meet a lot of people through my job and have interacted with a lot of people who I think are expected to be invited. It's just a lot and I'm feeling overwhelmed because the wedding is in less than 4 months. I think if we could find a smaller venue that would help, but since it's so close to the wedding I feel like that would just add more stress. My fiance wanted to elope and I didn't and while he's not upset we're doing a big wedding I know he wishes it were smaller. This wedding is just starting to feel less like "us" if that makes sense.

9 Comments

  • Kristen
    VIP November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    Well the main question is did you invite these peoples? Sadly it would be rude to back down now and uninvite them. If you have not then you can scale it down. Even though there are people that "expect" to be invited; if they are not close friends or family or people you communicate on the regular then why should they be invited in my opinion? Have STD's gone out? So sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. Big weddings cause that.

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  • Vannesa
    Expert October 2021
    Vannesa ·
    • Flag

    Just because people are expecting and invite doesn't mean they should be invited. I understand some people will be upset but ultimately it's you and your FH day. If what you want is a small intimate wedding then you should do that.

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  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag

    I think it's too late to change the plans. If your wedding is in March I imagine you've already sent save-the-dates? If not, you can definitely scale back your list before sending out invites... but, if save-the-dates have gone out I don't think you can go back on that. Is your venue far away for some of your guests? If so, you may have a decent amount of declines.. which could reduce your stress. If not, try and focus on other aspects of the wedding to make it more "you".

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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    I definitely wouldn't look for a new venue this close to the wedding. If you have already sent save the dates or told certain people you were inviting them then it is wrong not to invite them. If you haven't only invite those you actually wish to have there. If your coworkers don't understand then tell them that you were only able to invite family and close personal friends. You certainly don't need to invite every person you work with just because you work with them. Also, if you don't what a welcome party or farewell dinner then don't have one unless of course you sent invites to those. What I would do if you haven't already sent save the dates or told certain people they would be invited then I would go through your list and only include those you absolutely want there.
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  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    If invitations haven’t gone out then cut back your list. Just because you know people or they expect to be coming does not mean they need to be invited. It’s your day and it can be as small as you want it to be and people need to understand.
    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Beginner March 2020
    Jessica ·
    • Flag
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    Thanks for replying. I think I'm just overwhelmed and it's my own fault for not reeling things in sooner. We've only sent out STD and we just gave them to family and very close friends. It's been hard to narrow down the list. In theory I hope everyone would understand about not being invited, but I just worry because my work thrives on networking. I think I'm going to just call my wedding planner and hear her ideas on making this feel more intimate.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Good new is that you're only obligated to invite those people who you sent STD's to. Also, I really think that you are overestimating people's expectations regarding invites to your wedding. I dont' say that to be mean - I know you're worried about offending someone - but it really truly is not a big deal to not invite coworkers or people you know through jobs, etc and I guarantee very few of them will think twice about not receiving an invite. Networking for a career is totally separate from your personal life (even though it's common to talk about your personal life as part of networking). I hope it all works out!

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  • Ingrid
    Super October 2020
    Ingrid ·
    • Flag
    I would only invite those that you have a relationship with and have spoken to within the last months to year. Coworkers aren't necessarily friends and shouldn't be invited out of obligation. Family and close friends should get you back to your original numbers.
    • Reply
  • Mary
    Dedicated May 2020
    Mary ·
    • Flag

    If you had 6 months left, I'd say you could try to change to a smaller venue, but with 4 months left? Not enough time I'm afraid.

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