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Just Said Yes September 2021

Wedding is for Guests 21+

Stephanie, on April 24, 2020 at 10:46 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 8

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Hello everyone!

I love reading these forums and seeing what advice many have to give, however this is my first time posting and am a little nervous.

Our wedding is planned to be for guests 21 years of age and older. I've read many forums and articles regarding this and similar topics individually, however I haven't quite found anything to advise in this scenario.

Because our reception is firm for guests 21+, I am having trouble addressing my stationary. I understand that if perhaps a 21 or 22 year old lives with their parents, they should receive their own invitation, and that it is inappropriate to put who is not invited. However, what is the etiquette/what advice do you have for if some of the children in the family won't meet the age requirement by time of the wedding. I have a small handful of families with this situation. For example, we are inviting my aunt and uncle, however by time our wedding arrives their son will be 21 but their daughter will only be 18, and both cousins live at home. In other scenarios, one or two of the cousins are only 10-15 years old, whereas they each have older siblings in their mid 20s.

Would it be kindest and simplest to send an invitation addressed to (for example) Aunt & Uncle, and a separate invitation to each cousin in the household who is 21+? And then handle any questions or additional RSVPs for minors when they arise?

This may or may not be of importance, however most of the families in which this "split" is happening are in families that my FH and I are not close to (basically inviting because they are our parents' siblings, which, even our parents aren't close to their respective siblings -we, including our parents, only see them once every 1-3 years).

Any KIND advice would be GREATLY appreciated Thank you and take care!

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Emily, on April 25, 2020 at 12:30 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on April 24, 2020 at 10:51 PM
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I personally wouldn’t invite any siblings and not others, but if it’s important for you to have them there, then yes, the best way would be to send an invite to the parents and a separate invitation to the 21+ child.
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Savvy September 2020
Carolyn · on April 24, 2020 at 10:59 PM
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Unless the venue is requiring everyone be 21+, I would probably invite the 18 year old (and address the invitation to the family), then for the other families, send an invitation to the aunt and uncle as a couple and separate ones to each mid-20s cousin. I think it’s more understandable (to the families) to not invite 10-15yo kids than to not invite an 18yo when their sibling is invited.

If that’s not an option, I’d send a separate invitation to the 21yo and maybe put a note on the wedding website or causally get the word out to family about 21 being the cut off, so the family of the 18yo doesn’t think it’s some sort of snub.
It’s so tricky with cousins of varying ages- we had similar dilemmas! Good luck!!!
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Master 0000
Judith · on April 24, 2020 at 10:59 PM
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Separate invitations should always be sent to anyone over 18, and may be sent to anyone as young as about 16. But parents should not assume a 16 year old is invited unless you put her name on the invitation.
It is generally considered not at all polite to cut out fill adults over 18, for an age 21 minimum.
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Just Said Yes September 2021
Stephanie · on April 24, 2020 at 11:46 PM
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I feel the same way (and honestly wouldn't mind inviting only the aunts and uncles), however some immediate family members on both sides feel it's better to extend the offer to those who are 21+ (in reality, very few of the cousins would likely RSVP "yes" anyways). Thanks for the advice!
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Dedicated July 2021
Roopchandwedding · on April 25, 2020 at 1:54 AM
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I will never forget being that 13 year old cousin who was not invited to her older cousins wedding:l. As a child I did not understand why I wasn’t invited, especially since all of my other older cousins invited me to theirs. Now my time has come and I find myself doing the same. You have to ask yourself if you really want little kids running around your cake lol. Some people don’t understand that, but at the same time that’s not your worry because it’s your day. If I remember correctly - my cousin had it indicated on the invitation that children were not allowed at the reception. I hope that helps.
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Super February 2021
Kerin · on April 25, 2020 at 6:52 AM
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I've been invited to 1 wedding with this restriction. I don't think it's necessary for additional invitations to be sent, but a small line at the bottom of your invitation or rsvp card saying "please note this is a 21 and older celebration" is sufficient. Most people are actually very respectful of such requests.
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Master May 2020
Kari · on April 25, 2020 at 10:26 AM
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I totally understand the 21+ cutoff but agree its weird to include some siblings but not others if they are fairly close in age.

I'd say if you really want to stick to 21+ then you should only be inviting guests where the whole unit meets that cutoff. So if a family has children from late teens to early 20s all still living at home then I wouldn't invite any of the children and just invite the parents. If an older child is living on their own and somewhat separated from their family unit, but has younger siblings, then I might consider inviting the older adult child since they've sort of "fledged". I hope that makes sense!
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Devoted July 2021
Emily · on April 25, 2020 at 12:30 PM
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I agree with Kari. Invite the parents only if all the children/siblings can’t be invited due to age. I would find that very odd and somewhat rude to only invite some of them.
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