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Savvy May 2020

Wedding invite or not?!

Meghan, on December 18, 2019 at 3:15 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14

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So I've been caught in the middle of family drama for the past couple years. My two older sisters hate eachother for reasons I'm not going to get into. One of them said they won't come to my wedding if my oldest sister is there. And my oldest sister promised me she would be very civil, or just not even talk to the other if she did come. I told them both I'm not uninviting anybody and I want them both to be there. The question is, do I still send her a save the date and an invitation regardless of her choice? I have no doubt they would would be proper on my wedding day if they absolutely had to. I just don't want her to change her mind and not have the invite.. Would it be rude to mail her regardless of not wanting to come?

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on December 20, 2019 at 2:28 AM

Master September 2019
Sherry · on December 18, 2019 at 3:19 PM
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Yes you should still invite them. Let them each decide whether or not to be adults for a few hours. My dad and step dad hate each other as well so not only did I invite them both, I sat them next to each other. They were either going to get along, kill each other or not come. Thankfully they were both adults and put their differences aside for the day.
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Expert October 2021
Vannesa · on December 18, 2019 at 3:27 PM
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Yes definitely send out both it's up to them and their decision if they want to actually be civil adults for your wedding. They don't have to get along or talk or even sit next to each other but should put differences aside for you and your FH day
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Beginner August 2020
Danielle · on December 18, 2019 at 3:30 PM
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Yes! The invites show your sisters you want them to be there despite their feud.
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Savvy May 2020
Meghan · on December 18, 2019 at 3:35 PM
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Thanks ladies! I assumed so, but I didnt want her to think I was being insensitive.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on December 18, 2019 at 3:56 PM
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Not inviting her at all will only make things worse. Then you’re choosing sides.
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Dedicated March 2020
Brina328 · on December 18, 2019 at 3:57 PM
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I would mail it anyway. I have someone in my family that said “ I don’t really like going out too much so probably won’t be coming to the wedding”. My response was well the invitation was sent because you’re welcome to be there if you choose to be. Mailing it would ensure that it’s not on your conscious and besides, you want them to come. Tough situation! Sorry you have to deal with it.
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Super February 2020
Andrea · on December 18, 2019 at 4:13 PM
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Do it. My FH's step-sister got married earlier this year and she invited her mom and step-mom (FH's mom) to the wedding.
His step-sister didn't seat us together. Step-sisters's mom sat with her own family and her dad sat with us and FH's mom, and all of his side of the family. You could feel a bit of the animosity from her mom's side of the family, maybe they were still bitter from the divorce that happened 5+ years ago - but overall it was very cordial and both women just minded their own business...mainly cause step-sister's mom stayed outside smoking most of the night.
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Expert October 2021
Megan · on December 18, 2019 at 4:28 PM
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+1 to everything everyone else said. It'd be more dramatic to not invite her. Send out invites as if everyone you're inviting has full intentions to come to your wedding.
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Savvy May 2020
Meghan · on December 18, 2019 at 8:25 PM
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That's very true!
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Savvy May 2020
Meghan · on December 18, 2019 at 8:30 PM
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Thank you all for your comments. I already had it filled out ready to go. I just wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing. She's invited regardless, even if she were to change her mind the day of and come, I'm planning to have a comfortable seating location at the reception so they're not too close together and order extra food.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on December 18, 2019 at 9:50 PM
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I'm glad you chose to invite both of them. Now the ball is in their court. They can choose to set aside their differences for a day or not!
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on December 19, 2019 at 8:47 AM
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Invite them both. I would let them know that they are both being invited, and that you are more than happy to seat them far away from each other, you expect them both to be there. They are adults and should be able to be in the vicinity of each other for their sisters wedding. I would also tell them that if they don’t come because the other is there, that you will take that personally since it is your day. I have no tolerance for drama and would not feed into that at all. Hopefully they can both learn to ignore each other so they can support you and your upcoming marriage.
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Devoted March 2019
Katie · on December 19, 2019 at 9:31 AM
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Definitely still send her the save the date. You've made your position clear that you want them all to be present and celebrate with you on your wedding day - and it seems that one is already willing to do that. The other sister will hopefully cool off and realize she doesn't want to miss this moment in your life. Hopefully she will RSVP Yes! and you can have them seated at different tables and it will be the end of it
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Master 0000
Judith · on December 20, 2019 at 2:28 AM
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Whatever the issues between them are, you care about them both. Send each the Save and invitation. What they do about it, you cannot control. Hope for the best, and try to seat them at least a little distance apart. Hope they have manners enough to be civil to each other in public, all you can do .
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