Wedding guests no show

I think you're right that she should've let you know earlier; however, I wouldn't be upset with her for RSVP'ing "yes", despite her arthritis. Put yourself in her shoes... wouldn't you still try and attend every event you could if you suffered from it as well? I'm sure she made a viable attempt. Just some more notice would've been appreciated.

Your friend has a painful medical condition and your concern is that she was unable to attend your wedding? And maybe they didn't call you because they thought, quite logically, that as a bride you would be very busy with getting ready and didn't want to bother you.

I kind of understand where you are coming from in being upset about money being lost because they didn't show, but she was also in pain so I would kind of understand that side also.

Every wedding has some people that don't show up for either good or bad reasons. Sometimes people can't find a babysitter for their kids last minute, or a medical/ family emergency pops up. Some just don't show up, period.
I think it's rude of you to say "if she knew her arthritis would stop her from going to events, she shouldn't have committed."
Honestly, really?


I understand that you're upset, but I can't sympathize. You're sounding like you're more concerned about how much money you're losing because a medical emergency happened. They most likely thought her arthritis wouldn't be so bad on your wedding day, but once they started driving, it got worse.

Does it suck you lost money because of this? Yes, but that's how weddings are. Sometimes things happen that guests can't control and they can't make it. I'm sure your friend feels terrible for having to flake last minute, but you don't seem to be acting like a good friend yourself.

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I agree with this. You are out $120, not a big deal. It happens to everyone. Your guest RSVPed yes because she wanted to attend. Should she never RSVP yes to an event again just in case she has a flare up? How sad.

I don't even have words for this.

Your "friend" has an incredibly painful illness, did their best to attend your wedding but was unable to, MESSAGED you about it to apologize and let you know... even if it was a few hours later. I imagine you were busy and wouldn't have seen it until after anyway.

How about you ask how she's doing?

Doesn’t sound like this person is your friend.
1- you only touch base on FB
2- you have no compassion for their situation

Know that she did the best she could.

I could understand being upset about the cost because it’s money out the window. But I would not be upset with her. It’s just not fair if she truly has an illness she can’t control. I work with someone who has severe arthritis and when it flares she becomes stiff and can’t move easily. The pain for her is excruciating and I can imagine if she was in your friends shoes, she would be too in pain to let you know.

Are you kidding? She has an extremely painful and unpredictable medical condition. She obviously tried her hardest to make it to your wedding. She was probably curled up in pain, and still managed to get in the car to try to get to the venue.
Yea, losing that money sucks. But if you were already paying that much per head, the lost money is probably miniscule compared to your total wedding budget. Be a consiserate person.

In a magical world, you could trade places with her for a few weeks. I'm sure after suffering from so much pain that the money would mean little to you.

You aren't much of a friend if you are concerned about only the money and not the painful life your friend lives every day.

I think you’re being a bit inconsiderate and very unsympathetic.

Letting you know before 4 pm wouldn’t have changed your event or your headcount or the costs. You should have already paid for everything by then. You have no idea what was happening with her, maybe she was in so much pain she literally couldn’t message you until that time. You seem quite upset and a tad hostile towards her. I’m wondering how you responded to her when she messaged you. I’m going to guess it was not sympathetic or caring so if I were her, I wouldn’t have sent a card either.

You’re out 120 pounds, okay, but you really think that your friend should have declined the wedding invite months before the event because her condition *might* flare up and she *might* be so debilitated she can’t attend? Sorry, that’s not how a good friend should think. You should feel sad she didn’t get to make it but you should also feel sad that your friend of 10 years is living with a condition that is so heartbreaking, yet she still tried to come see you on your wedding day and you have zero sympathy for her.

No you should not be upset with her. What does your attending her wedding have anything to with it? She tried and couldn't make it. I didn't realize that anyone who has arthritis should RSVP no for weddings. I guess my mom shouldn't try to come to my wedding then! You sound very selfish. It happens sometimes that people cannot attend after RSVPing yes, it sucks but let it go.

Your unreasonable. I have asthma but how would i know if my asthma decided to peak while im driving to a wedding or not? Many people no show to weddings for worse reasons or no reason at all. You just have to deal with the lost. It sucks. I've had people no show to events i've prepaid for them. What can you do? I'm sure her alleviating her pain was more important than your wedding. Atleast they tried to attend and im sure turning around sucked. They gave some notice so be grateful.

As someone who has systemic juvenile idiopathic arthritis, it's super offensive to tell someone they should automatically opt-out of big events because of their chronic illness. I am in remission, but when I was not, you never know what will be a good day, and what will be a bad day. You could wake up one morning and not be able to leave the house. I'm inviting someone with MS fully knowing that she could wake up on my wedding day and not be able to get out of bed. And that's okay, because it's not their fault.

As a person with chronic illness, this feels like a slap in the face.

So I should never commit to going anywhere for anything, because I might have to cancel? I guess I should just never leave the house.

Your post is really hurtful, OP. I think you need to have more compassion for your friend who clearly made a big effort to try and make it for your big day.

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Perfectly said. I also have a serious chronic illness. Life goes on, why should anyone in this position be made to feel like they need to stop living it to the best of their ability? Should we all just stay home forever?

I don't think you are validated in feeling angry with your guest.

Please say you didnt bring this up to them.

Definitely unreasonable. Do you really expect your friend to decline every event in her life forever just in case she's not up to it? She tried, she was literally on her way there.

If I was in her position, I probably wouldn't have messaged you any earlier either. Given how late they had to turn around, I wouldn't want to text the bride right before she had to walk down the aisle. I'd wait until after the ceremony so I didn't stress her out

As someone living with a chronic illness, I realize you couldn't possibly understand unless you are in her shoes so hopefully I can help. It's emotionally painful to have to miss so many important events and little get togethers simply because your body is attacking itself. You want to be a good friend/ family member so you try with everything in you. Sometimes the stress of not knowing which symptoms could arise is enough to cause a flare in itself... but you try anyway because you don't want to let down the people you care about. Unfortunately, the pain can come on so suddenly and so intensely that it can take you out without warning. And it hurts physically, emotionally, and mentally. You beat yourself up because, once again, you look like a flake to those who don't try to understand. You realize that whether you're there or not, you're a "party pooper".

I didn't cry during childbirth (with no meds) but the pain from my chronic illness has brought me to tears many times. Would you want to sit through a wedding and reception with that kind of pain even if you could?

This wasn't her flaking out on you. This was her just trying to survive, like she does every day of her life, surrounded by people who will never understand and many who won't even extend compassion and forgiveness... for something she has zero control over.

I could see she tried inspite of her arthritis and than she couldn't.i would say thank you for trying. And if she just lied and you won't know for sure, than your the bigger person for thanking her for trying and just let it go on the money in my opinion, things happen.