Wedding guest (supposedly) getting divorced

Okay, just making sure I have everyone correct, one your aunts is not the cousin's mom. They would be cousins with this person too, correct?

If it's not coming from the immediate family of the divorced person and it seems as though they're still publicly "together" then I think you did the right thing addressing it to both. We have family friends who have apparently been getting ready to divorce for a while and the wife just made a (very) public announcement which came completely out of nowhere because everyone thought they were great. I can understand wanting to have your ducks in a row before making something like that public. If they are split then he can choose to come without her or with someone else.

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Yes, sorry good question - my aunts are not the cousin's mom. They are my dad's sisters and sister-in-law, so they are also cousins with this person.

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Then in that case I definitely think you did the right thing. While they're still family, they're removed enough that I agree with your dad on it being more like family gossip. Had your cousin's mom told you, then I'd say change it lol

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Thank you! Yes I agree, if it came from an immediate family member of his it's probably best considered "official news" (because how else do most people spread word of that sort of thing)... but this way, it does feel more like family gossip.

You definitely did the right thing!

I had a similar - but a little worse- situation happen to one of my guests. Literally the week I was sending out the invites my dad's friend found out his wife was having an affair. My invite was already addressed to both of them - I sent it anyway. He was one of the last to RSVP but he is coming alone and I'm glad he will be there. We also see each other at the gym at least 3 times a week and he has let me know how excited he is to attend.

In the grand scheme of things your dad's cousin may feel a pang of sadness if he truly is getting a divorce, but they WILL NOT hold it against you at all!

You definitely did the right thing!! Even if the divorce is a sure thing, they definitely don’t want to know everyone is gossiping about it, and since they didn’t tell you themselves then that’s the only way you could know! This is like how you don’t talk about someone being pregnant unless you 1000% know it’s true.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! That is so sad for your dad’s friend. From what I’ve heard, this situation is the same kind of story 😕 so I just didn’t want to do anything that would add more pain.

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I can totally empathize with not wanting to be the straw on the camels' back but unfortunately, no matter how you address the envelope, we are getting married while their marriage (or lack thereof) is falling apart - the pain is inevitable .

All we can do is be there for these people however they want us to be there. In my case, it has been casual conversation at the gym with no mention of the situation - which I believe is a way for him to live life as normal and provide an escape from thinking about whatever is going on.

Address it to them as a couple. Gossip isn't always reputable, and circumstances can change rapidly. Go through with your original plan and support them as best as you see fit.

Yes address as usual. You'd be jumping the gun by assuming there is a separation. If there is a divorce happening, having an extra name on an envelope will be the least of the issues.

Yeah team dad here. Unless you have the info from a direct source, everything else is gossip. Actually my MIL did this, gossiping that one of our guest couples was having marital problems and we second guessed the addressing of the invite for a minute but they are very much still
Together now and it would have been VERY awkward had we not invited her 😳. I did have a cousin who WAS going through a divorce on our guestlist and felt similarly conflicted, but got word directly from my uncle and aunt— her actual parents— that the separation was official and he had moved out, so it was clear that he was not welcome!! But without a direct confirmation like that, it’s best to leave it in their hands. They may be going through some stuff, and maybe the aunts think they SHOULD divorce, but couples all have their own ways of working through things, and it’s best not to guess wrong !

Yep, Team Dad. You did the right thing.

There are some rules I live by. One is, when a friend breaks up with their romantic partner, I never badmouth them - because if they get back together, you can never take it back, and your friend will always know what you said.

Same thing here. They could, at any time, say "you know what? Let's work this out." And then you would be the person who didn't invite them together to your wedding, forever.

Also, the obvious: yes, it would definitely appear to them that everyone is gossiping and you were part of it.

To your knowledge, they are still together. They haven't told you otherwise, therefore, that is the information you have.

Thank you so much for all the helpful replies, I feel more confident in my decision now. I'm going to proceed with sending the invite in a few weeks addressed to both of them. Agree with all points made - and also I'm sure he's still getting mail addressed to his wife every day, so an invite addressed just to him might be more painful anyway (makes it feel more "real" / final - AND confirms everyone has been talking about it). There's pretty much no way we'd hear it from an "official" source i.e. his immediate family - he has no siblings, parents passed away years ago, and I haven't seen or talked to his now-adult children in maybe 15-20 years. If he was going to tell us himself, he probably would've done it at some point after we sent them both a save the date in June, since it sounds like this was already going on by then.

If neither person in the actual relationship says anything to you then assume that it is just a rumor. I'd still address everything as them as a married couple until they tell me they no longer are. Don't listen to your aunts you did the right thing. Gossip is never good because it could be a lie, or it could be twisted up. The couple could be sleeping in separate beds and going to marriage counseling, then person a tells person b, and person b tells person c and so on and so forth and then the next thing you know people are saying they are getting divorced when they aren't.