Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Just Said Yes January 2020

Wedding guest ghosting

T, on January 16, 2020 at 8:59 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7

Saved

Flag
Hide content

I got married a few months ago but I’m still upset about some of the guest ghosting our wedding. They didn’t respond to invite and I know they got the invitation because I asked.

I had two old coworkers I invited who did this. It had only been a few months since we weren’t coworkers anymore. I talked to both of them almost daily. In the beginning they were super supportive wanted to know all the wedding details. Well as it gets closer to the wedding I hear nothing from them. A few months prior one of them got engaged and I sent her champagne to acknowledge and we talked for weeks after that about her plans. So a few months before I tried initiating convos and I didn’t get much back. They never rsvp or even said congrats after I got married no acknowledgment. We haven’t talked since a month before the wedding. Then I get a save the date for one of them I’m confused???
Also another friend was a no show at my bridal shower and took days to text me her lame excuse. She told me she was coming to my wedding and was a no show also. She texted me an excuse a few days later. I didn’t respond I’m thinking about cutting her off. Though she loves 40 minutes away we talked weekly and we were best friends in college.
Am I being overly sensitive what’s going on here?

Flag
Hide content

7 Comments

Latest activity by Cherry, on January 17, 2020 at 12:51 PM

Devoted January 2021
Shelly · on January 16, 2020 at 9:10 PM
Flag

Hide content
I think both are rude so I would be upset also. The first one has some nerve sending you a save the date with no rsvp to your wedding. At least say no you can’t go... I have a friend who got married and I couldn’t go because my brother was getting married the day before and I was in the wedding party. I rsvp no and and told her why. The other one sounds like a crappy friend no offense. I really think a lot of people have no idea what goes into planning and the expensive of paying for a plate even when someone no shows.
- Reply
Just Said Yes January 2020
T · on January 16, 2020 at 9:19 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Thanks for the reply. Like you said as long as they would of told me why or just made up a white lie It would of been fine! I felt like I was justified with inviting them. We are the type of friends you don’t see often but can call/ text anytime about life. I just feel embarrassed having invited them then being ignored.
- Reply
Devoted January 2021
Shelly · on January 16, 2020 at 9:21 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Really you shouldn’t be embarrassed. If anything they should.
- Reply
VIP January 2020
Vicky · on January 17, 2020 at 12:49 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

They should have told you they weren't coming by RSVPing no, but they didn't owe you a reason for why they weren't coming
- Reply
Master January 2021
Andrea · on January 17, 2020 at 8:27 AM
Flag

Hide content
Yeah this was definitely rude of them, and then they took DAYS to follow up with you. I am sorry this happened to you, but I do hope you had a lovely wedding.
- Reply
Dedicated October 2019
KAREN · on January 17, 2020 at 12:26 PM
Flag

Hide content
Definitely disrespectful, and I think you kind of said it yourself. These are people you USED to be close with, but haven't been for awhile. If you care about the friendship, I say reach out to them one more time so they can explain themselves. If you don't care, write them off. But it seems like these are people you already aren't friends with. Be the bigger person and RSVP to the wedding, but if you don't want to go you are in no way obligated.
- Reply

Expert February 2020
Cherry · on January 17, 2020 at 12:51 PM
Flag

Hide content
I'm going to start by admitting my *very bad* behavior. When I was younger I had NO IDEA what went into wedding planning. If I got an invitation in the mail and knew I couldn't go, I just didn't respond. If I *could* go, I had a habit of just mentioning it casually in conversation that I was going and then never actually RSVP'd. I lucked out, because at least in those cases, they figured I was going and planned on it (had a chair for me, etc.) I once asked a friend of mine, "Remember when you got married and I didn't RSVP and also didn't come? Did you go bananas? Was it a huge deal?" And she responded, "I knew you were out of town and it was already a long shot. When you didn't RSVP, I figured you couldn't come so I didn't add you to the guest list. No biggie." We're still friends.

Now I'm older and wiser and would never think of doing such things. And also, now that I'm planning, I see some of this bad behavior and I've been giving people a little more grace. I'm not EXCUSING their bad behavior, but I am giving them the benefit of the doubt first. 6 people I invited to my wedding did NOT RSVP, even though they all have flights here or have booked their accommodations. So I had to go to the website and RSVP for them. I've been tracking people down, sending emails, Facebook messages, etc. If I don't hear from them after a day or two, I mark them as a NO on the website. If they show up, there will be no seat for them. If they go to the website to RSVP, they won't be able to. I have to make final payments and headcounts need to be accurate. I don't have time for people to get back to me a week later.

I understand your frustration completely. If you don't want to talk to them anymore, that's OK. It's absurd your newly engaged friend recently sent you a save the date, after ignoring you. I'm sorry she did that!

But what you shouldn't do is keep harping on it. It happened and now you have to make a decision to either keep drudging up the bad memory or to forget about it. Thinking about it over and over will just refresh your anger. Time to let it go - it will be good for your health. Focus on who WAS there and who made the time for you. That's way more important. I bet you had a great time even though those flakes weren't there. That's their loss, NOT YOURS!!
- Reply