Wedding gift advice please!

Whoa. That is way too much for a coworker. It's also very rude of them to not invite you, the spouse. I would think 100 from a not that close couple would be sufficient to cover each plate.

I think this really depends on their relationship, if any, outside of work. It also depends on what you can afford and where you live. In my area, $100-$150 per person attending is pretty common even for acquaintances. I agree they should have invited you and if it were us in your shoes, neither of us would attend a wedding the other wasn’t welcome at. We also don’t give cash gifts if we’re not attending.

You have to figure out what you can comfortably afford without going over budget. Some people say you are mandated to spend $150 per person minimum or don’t bother attending, but most don’t share that mindset. Give whatever you are comfortable with. That is a lot for a coworker.


I would have a bigger issue with the fact that you are not invited which many find more taboo and disrespectful because you don’t split couples by asking someone to celebrate the couple’s relationship while disrespecting theirs by telling them their significant other is not invited.

It seems like a lot to me, too. If you were *both* invited (you know, since that's the correct etiquette, as you're a social unit) then I would say that's not unreasonable. However, it feels like this may be a courtesy "invite the coworkers and hope they don't come" situation - especially since you weren't invited. Honestly, I'd revise that number a LOT lower, were it H and I.

Where I'm from, it is common for the gift to vary according to your closeness to the couple (ie, a sibling would give a much larger gift than a distant coworker would) but it should at a base minimum approximately 'cover your plate'. I live in a high cost of living city and using that rule, $150 is actually reasonable, since our per person cost is actually $250 a head including alcohol and is not being held at a a super outrageous exxy place. There are not as many places as you'd think here where you'd get away for $150 per person for catering.

Of course, you don't get married to give back exactly what you spent, there are many, many other costs other than just the catering, and people are in no way obliged to give you a gift at all so you should pay what you can afford.

I'd probably give about $250 for a couple going to a coworker's wedding, and $150 if it was only me invited, but that's within my means. If it is not for you, then give what you can.

View Quoted Comment Where do you live?! Our venue is about $100 per person including appetizers, dinner, and alcohol. And that’s the high end where I’m from.


Anyways, I do agree that it’s whatever is within your means and how close you are to them. I do think it’s extremely rude you weren’t invited as the wife.

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Haha, Sydney Australia. I guess technically our $250 is $180-ish USD.

But I don't think we looked at anywhere much under $180, and that was base package, not the fanciest option.

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I'm from the same city as Rosie and agree with this.

I myself would not give any less than $150AUD per person at a wedding (about $110USD) because having planned my own wedding, I appreciate that they are ridiculously expensive so my intention is generally to always try to cover the cost of my attendance.

With this said, it all depends on your financial situation (what you're comfortable giving) and closeness to the couple.

Eh, I’d be okay giving that much to my coworkers. However, it wouldn’t cause my husband or I any financial hardship to do so.

Like another person stated 75-150/pp is standard to gift someone who’s not particularly close and since they did not invite you i’m guessing your husband is not at all “friends” with his coworker. I would opt to give a gift under $150 in this case.

Wow that’s odd. Usually if you’re married both husband and wife are invited. As for the guest gift- how long has he known the co-worker would dictate the cost to be spent. $150 is mid-high reasonable.

I live in the midwest and would give probably $50 around here. This is standard for a nonfamily member. However, I know my FH wouldn't go if I weren't invited.

First of all neither my husband nor myself would attend a wedding if the other wasn't invited. But if you're comfortable, then go ahead.

As far as gifting multiple things factor into how much we gift: our relationship with the couple, the venue setting/likely per plate cost, and our financial situation at the time. We usually pay for our plates (or try to) and then a little extra if it's close family/friends.

Depending on where you live, I would say $150 is a bit much for a co-worker when only one of you is invited. I would estimate the cost of the meal and gift around that amount for 1 person.

Thank you all. I appreciate your replies! I am just a bit cranky about the whole situation and passing a few judgments, which I know I should be doing. The wedding is being held at her parents' house in the mountains of PA. I am sure it will be beautiful!! Thanks for validating my frustrations of not being invited and thinking $150 is too much for a coworker.

Is that for you and him or just him? if it's for you and him i don't think that's bad! but if it's for just him then yea that's kind of a lot. for instance my coworkers each gave me roughly like $50-100 each! so that's why i think if he's thinking of it as for you and him then $150 isn't so bad.

Would your husband have to travel for this wedding??? If he has to incur extra expenses such as a hotel, I'd definitely be trimming that gift down.