Wedding Frustration

Marriage is all about compromise! Remind him of them. Tell him you can do the cruise for your honeymoon. Or, do a ceremony in Jamaica, and the huge reception at home.

Perhaps offer a compromise? Do the honeymoon first and basically elope with the few close people. Maybe a shorter cruise in the fall break so the kids don’t miss too much school, while you say some vows don’t actually file the marriage certificate yet (I hear destination weddings can be tricky with the legality) Then come back and have the BIG wedding!!! And have all the pomp and circumstances with a great tan! It’s not ideal I understand but my only other idea for a compromise is see if he’s willing to do the cruise as a vow renewal the following year.

If someone told me I got no say because it’s my second wedding and their first (which ours is the same situation as yours- my second, his first) I wouldn’t marry them.

View Quoted Comment All. Of. This.

He's being unreasonable. Your kids shouldn't have to miss a week of school, when they have the whole summer off and you can do it then. I understand he feels strongly about getting married in Jamaica, but if it's not something you want, why is he still considering it? Marriage is a partnership, an EQUAL partnership. If one side is really against something, the other partner should reconsider and try to come up with a compromise. Just because he's never been married before and you have DOES NOT mean that you have no say. That's just ridiculous. He's not acting like a partner to you--he's acting like a dictator. Demand, demand, demand, with no care for his partner's feelings at all.

Plus, he may not know this, but destination weddings end up costing your guests a lot of money. Many of the people you want to share this event with may not be able to afford a 7-day cruise, just to see you get married. One alternate idea would be to have a wedding locally, where most of your guests won't be financially strapped to attend, and then have another cruise (with Jamaica on the itinerary) for your honeymoon.

There are just so many other ways to do this, without being so one-sided. I hope you can talk to him and get him to see that what you want matters just as what he wants does. Good luck.

What about a vow renewal in Jamaica on your one or five year? Or honeymoon to Jamaica on that cruise?

View Quoted Comment Agree 100%! We were in same situation (my second, his first) and made sure we were BOTH happy.
Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Yep. Pretty much.

There are so many different ways to compromise on this, and he sounds like a pain.
First, pick a different date. One your kids won't miss school for. Your kids are going to be his kids, and should become a huge priority for him.
Go to Jamaica. In a different day. Without the cruise. Fly down for 3 days in June, Christmas vacation, Easter break, etc.
You should both be happy.
But if someone told me that, they'd be finding a new first wife.

View Quoted Comment SAME. Plus, you'd have to plan it and figure out all the details. Major deal breaker.

Red flag! Red flag!

Tell him no I will not marry you in Jamaica or on a cruise. I will be happy to honeymoon with you there. Now that we've settled the honeymoon let's start planning the wedding.

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My exact thought! At no point in my marriage or pre-marriage would I accept being told that my thoughts and feelings don't count.

Marriage is based on communication, understanding and compromise. Does he have any of those skills? It doesn't sound like he cares about your feelings which is a little worrisome.

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Absolutely this. It being his first and your second is no reason for him to completely disregard you and what you would like.

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Absolutely to this too, and a very well way to put it