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Just Said Yes March 2019

Wedding exactly one year after death in the family

Cindy, on March 4, 2018 at 9:22 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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So here’s the situation: my cousin passed away this week. He had been sick for some time and in hospice for over a year, so it was expected and the family is somewhat relieved that it’s over and he’s not in any pain anymore. Now, I hate that my head even went there so soon, but he passed away exactly 1 year from my planned wedding date. Because of the weather and having to work around the Lenten season (Catholic wedding) moving the wedding date is difficult. Moving it up puts us even closer to the possibility of icy weather that I was already worried about since we’ll have a lot of folks driving in, and the next available date later would mean moving it 3 months out (on an already long engagement). We’ve already moved the date once, and already had contracts drawn up and talks with the church underway. Is it insensitive to keep the wedding date as planned?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Anna, on March 5, 2018 at 6:15 AM

Master July 2017
Going to the chapel · on March 4, 2018 at 9:30 PM
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I'd try and move the date. The one year anniversary of his death will be hard on many of your relatives. They should have the ability to deal with the date privately and in whatever way they desire. Many may want to visit his grave on that date.
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Master May 2018
Forestwed · on March 4, 2018 at 9:50 PM
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I would move it. I wouldn’t want my wedding anniversary to also be a relatives death anniversary. It will probably be a very hard day for family also.
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VIP August 2018
Alforev · on March 4, 2018 at 9:56 PM
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One year is rough. I would try to move it in your position. If it were later on I’d say it may be good to associate the day with something more positive, but the one year will be the hardest.
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on March 4, 2018 at 10:42 PM
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I would speak with your family. See how they feel? My first thought was to push it out a few months, but I know you've already changed the date. Are you close to your preist? He or she would know your family situation. In our family, if someone has been ill a long time, we all grieve their passing. If we had a large family wedding a year out with your concerns, we'd still do the wedding with some type of memorial to those not there. It seems like you are so far along, it'd be a shame to reschedule. These are just my thoughts and not meant to be disrespectful.
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VIP July 2018
AQuixoticBride · on March 5, 2018 at 3:16 AM
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I'm sorry for your loss.

I do have to say that rescheduling my wedding due to something like this wouldn't even cross my mind. It's one thing if you're choosing a date, another if something happens and it corresponds with a date you already chose. It seems family would realize that dates like this are chosen well ahead of time. I understand your concern, but my perspective is also informed by the fact that I have a very large family, which also means a lot of deaths and other things every year, so it would be impractical for us to consider.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on March 5, 2018 at 3:43 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss.

I would discuss this with some of your family and see what they think first. If they are adamant that the date should be changed, then try to do so. In your position I'm not sure that I would change the date. One year will be tough, but if it is an evening wedding that will give your family time to visit the cemetery or whatever else they choose to do to mourn that day, and you could do something to honor him at the wedding, like reserve a seat for him at the ceremony or set up a table honoring him and other loved ones that will be missing from your special day. Perhaps your wedding will be someones ray of sunshine on an otherwise dreary day.
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Dedicated July 2018
Yendor · on March 5, 2018 at 5:45 AM
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It is of course extremely sad this happened on your future wedding date. My Grandmother died on her first daughters birthday which is of course the worst day for my Aunt but we can't move her birthday. I say do what you like keep it or move it but unfortunately anything can happen on any day good, bad or sad.
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Expert September 2019
Anna · on March 5, 2018 at 6:15 AM
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I would try and move it. You don’t have to move it far out, maybe the next weekend. Especially next year it’ll be nice to bring everyone together under happy circumstances
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