Wedding etiquette

Yes that is rude. Either invite everyone to all events or none at all. It is never ok to "play favorites" with guests.


Your post-wedding party IS a reception.

Find a venue that fits your 160 plus vendors. Eventective.com is a good place to start.
Also 6/7 is a major meal time so they need to be fed something substantial. If cost is a concern, contact a local favorite Mexican/Chinese restaurant that offers party catering. You get a ton of filling food for a very low price. You cannot serve just sugar and very light appetizers with alcohol because they don't do anything to keep your guests from getting drunk immediately.

I agree with PP. This would be considered very rude. If I were in your shoes, I would either find a different venue that can hold all of your guests comfortably, or cut the guest list to 90 people (assuming you haven't already sent save the dates).

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Never okay to play favorites.

If it can hold 90 people max, that capacity includes you and your vendors, so you could only invite 80-84 guests. People forget to take that into consideration with capacity limits. Those are in place for various safety/legal reasons.

I didn't start planning until 12 months after we got engaged. I'm just now getting ready to sign a contract after being engaged for 3 years!

If you’ve already signed a contract and paid for the venue, could you just have the wedding ceremony in the reception area? Lots of People use the same space for both events. If the ceremony space can comfortably accommodate 90 seated guests, I’m sure it could accommodate everybody standing for a cocktail hour while they turn over your room for the reception.

Or, you could have the ceremony at a nearby park, church, etc. then the reception at the loft space

This sounds like a lot of work and not as fun. I would take into consideration covid and most venues are not allowing that many guests outdoors, let alone indoor. We also are not attending any indoor weddings for at least 8 months.
Best wishes 🤍

This sounds exhausting more than anything for you. It's rude because either way, everyone is getting left out of something. I wouldn't want to go to only the ceremony for someone and not be invited to the party also vice-versa.

My wedding was originally suppose to be a destination wedding because in the Caribbean US money doubles.I sent out the save the dates prior to covid hitting not knowing things would get out of control. I picked this venue because it was within my budget. So the issue I have is me not wanting to be rude and uninviting guest to the wedding, but trying to find a way to incorporate them without picking favorites (which I’m not trying to). So what I’m trying to do is have a close family only ceremony earlier in the day then having a celebration lounge style with food, drinks etc for the rest of people. At the celebration I would not have my wedding dress on.


The ceremony space can hold 90 comfortably but the reception area is more lounge friendly that’s why i am considering a small ceremony.

This is what the venue looks like. Pretty small

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Uninviting is rude and if you can't change venues, you need to find a park or have the ceremony in the reception space (very common) so that everyone can be invited to both ceremony and reception. Since it's a destination wedding where guests have to travel, there is no polite way to have a small family only ceremony and the reception for everyone. You can't pull that off at a stateside venue either.


Based on your guest count, you won't be able to use the ceremony space except for a cocktail hour while the larger room is transformed for dinner.

I agree with the previous people. It’s extremely rude to do it. It’s an all or nothing kind of thing. When it came to our wedding, my FH & I wanted a small intimate affair. I knew that if we invited all our family (I have a large family) & friends we would be looking at around 250 guests. We had our VIP List & are having a no children ceremony/reception. Even then we had to make some cuts to the list. I’m 50 so my siblings are older with older kids. I’ve told my siblings that they’re invited but my nieces & nephews aren’t. We just couldn’t afford it. They completely understood.

I agree with PPs – you cannot pick and choose who attends the ceremony and who attends the reception – it is all or nothing.

My piece of advice to any new bride (or groom) is to first estimate guest numbers before looking at any location, because nothing is worse than falling in love with a venue that cannot accommodate your numbers.

Not everyone will attend and you can safely estimate anywhere from a 5%+ ‘no’ rate, but, I’d nonetheless start reducing numbers before issuing invites.

I think because of covid things are a bit different. I wouldn't recommend having a 90 person ceremony then a 160 person reception- I think that would be kind of picking favorites as others have said. BUT if you have a small intimate wedding ceremony with family/bridal party only that would be say less than 20- that makes more sense. As a guest I would be more understanding of that situation.

A small earlier wedding ceremony for family only , or other restricted group ( in some religions, only certain people present) has always been perfectly acceptable etiquette. .....And this addition to your first post changes everything. Where it gets people upset is when some friends are getting one treatment, some others. But private weddings, small ceremonies with only very close family. And a wedding breakfast or lunch is fine, as long as the second group is not immediately following. An evening party, or reception, with open bar and finger foods, is fine for friends and more distant family, and like any party, apps vs a dinner is host's choice.