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Just Said Yes October 2019

Wedding etiquette for majority out of town guests and party

Christina, on February 3, 2019 at 2:17 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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My finance are getting married in San Diego where we met and live now. Our families are in different states and the majority of our guests would be coming from 5 other states.
So it would essentially be a destination wedding for 90%of the guests.

With that being said I recognize there will be people unable to attend due to many reasons and I am totally ok with that. I feel bad people have to travel no matter where we do it.

I have a much larger family then my finance and have many extended realitives( some much too old to travel) and we have some friends with very young children that would not be able to travel and I totally understand. I just don’t know of another time I would be able to see and visit all of them ( now that I live out of state) and they haven’t met my finance and I would love for them all to meet.

Im not planning on having a shower since everyone is scattered among states, and realize everyone who will be attending would be spending money to travel so not expecting any wedding gifts either and totally ok with that as well. So I’m not looking for any gifts, but just want time to visit with people I dont get a chace to often at all.

What are your thoughts or opinion of etiquette on a pre or post wedding “meet and greet” or some kind of informal event in my hometown for everyone invited, but especially doing it for those who couldn’t attend the wedding. It is NOT meant to be a reception at all, no gifts, no wedding events. More like a open house, apps and drinks, come and go as you please. Just a chance to visit and for him to meet my extended family and friends who may not be able to make it to wedding.

So my thought was to invite the entire guest list out here to the wedding, sending save the dates out early since people have to make travel plans. Then at the same time somehow mention upfront . “ we realize it is far and would still love to celebrate with everyone so we will also be having a meet and greet event at my hometown as well that everyone is welcome to attend” again no gifts, informal, provide some kind of food and drink and just get a chance to visit.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation or have any advice? I know some destination wedding couples have additional home receptions and such but we are just in a funky situation here.

Thanks so much!!!

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Laura, on February 3, 2019 at 11:31 AM

Master May 2019
Chandra · on February 3, 2019 at 7:46 AM
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My situation is almost exactly the same!

I was raised Mormon aaaaand I know in Mormon culture it seems to be he norm to get married wherever the couple lives, then have their reception and maybe an open house back home for everybody to meet the newlyweds. Just a cake and punch type shindig in the church hall.
I haven't heard of many people doing that outside of the church though.
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Dedicated March 2020
Laura · on February 3, 2019 at 8:35 AM
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I totally understand where you’re coming from! We have most guests traveling 1-10 hours to our wedding. I guess I’m curious as to when the drop in event would happen? And where is your hometown where it would happen? Would people still have to travel for that - to me, I’m much more inclined to travel for a wedding than a more informal thing like what you’re describing.

We j ust went to a wedding that had a Friday night welcome for any guests to attend, a brunch the morning of for each the groom and the bride separately, and a Sunday brunch after the wedding to say goodbyes to all their guests - each event had different people invited to it so the couple could spend more quality time with certain guests because many were traveling in for their wedding too.
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Super September 2018
Jeanelle · on February 3, 2019 at 9:24 AM
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We had a similar situation where we had 100 guests and around 75 were from out of town.
The wedding was in a Sunday and wanted to accommodate people who were around and spend time with everyone.
Friday evening we had dinner at the family restaurant for those were around. It was a nice get together with about 10-15 people.
Then we had a welcome lunch instead of a rehearsal dinner with all out of towners and friends that were local with my in-laws immediate families and grandparents, about 80 of our 100. It was in my in laws back yard with the family food truck, apps and local beers and ciders and a donut board. Our welcome bags had postcard sized welcome cards with suggestions of things to do, in addition to a previous email of a full list of recommendations (coffee, breakfast, things to do, local sights, etc.) Then my husband went out to dinner to get local specialties and hand the local brewery with about 20 of our friends and family or whoever was around. (I got a massage with my best lady, ordered dinner and had an early night.)
We initially were worried this was going to be duplicative of our wedding which was the day after and make it much less special. My husband was worried the day of the welcome lunch but saw later that it was a good thing. However it gave everyone the chance to break the ice, get on the same eating schedule as our wedding was a brunch wedding that began at 11:30am. By the time the wedding began most knew each other and we went straight into partying.
I definitely recommend having an all inclusive party to spend time with guests, show them some local fare and break the ice. Enjoy!
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Super September 2018
Jeanelle · on February 3, 2019 at 9:27 AM
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I just caught that you're also talking about people who can't make your wedding. my husband rolled some of this into his bachelor party.
I do think it's fun to do and a lot of people do a "tour" after the fact to go to certain locations where their guests weren't able to come to the wedding itself.
If you have the time to spare I think it would be nice and well received!
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Master November 2019
Mrs. S · on February 3, 2019 at 9:44 AM
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I’m in the same situation and I am inviting everyone to the rehearsal dinner
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Just Said Yes October 2019
Christina · on February 3, 2019 at 10:08 AM
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Yes the informal, meet and greet thing would be in my hometown either before or after thr wedding and it is super close. Probably 15-60 min tops for the majority of those who I would be ideally hosting it for. ( those too elderly to travel across the county and people with young families )
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Just Said Yes October 2019
Christina · on February 3, 2019 at 10:16 AM
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Yes! My original post was for those back home( across the country) unable to make the wedding due to logistics and health. However I do also want to plan something for our out of town guests who do attend the actual wedding.

I lnow know it’s customary to invite out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner but since it would be huge and 90%of our guest list we are thinking of hosting a welcome event at our destination to visit and also allow people to mingle in an open setting if they want. We live near the beach so thinking a beach bonfire with a huge s’mores bar and yummy goodies.
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Dedicated March 2020
Laura · on February 3, 2019 at 11:31 AM
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That sounds fine. I think doing it after you’re married would be best so people can decide whether they want to travel for the wedding or just wait for the after wedding celebration back at home
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