I think that when thry say yes to being in the wedding, that they are agreeing to show up to each event and be responsive/available for discussions regarding the position theyre in like dress, hair, etc for bridesmaids, etc. And be there for us not themselves. My girls know I don't do drama and this is my wedding so my say in the etiquette manner mainly like my choice in dress and collers etc.
Maid/matron of honor has more duties than the bridesmaids. She plans the bachelorette and bridal shower, or helps plan the shower with the bride's family members.
My sister is my Matron of Honor. She has planned two bachelorette parties for me and helped plan the bridal shower with our mom and aunts. The first bachelorette was a bridal party only trip to Disney World for a weekend, which she coordinated and booked the resort suite. We were all responsible for our own tickets. A month later, the second party was an evening at our parent's house where more of my friends were in attendance as well as the bridal party. The next day, she hosted the shower. My sister was pregnant for the duration of my engagement. She is married with a 2 year old toddler and gave birth to her second daughter last month.
My cousin who is a bridesmaid and has been married for almost twelve years, helped my sister with the planning of the bachelorette parties. In advance of the Florida trip, she ordered groceries on Instacart and had them delivered to the resort so that we wouldn't have to eat out at every meal. For the second party, she cooked all of the food herself for 20 people! She has three children. The 8 year old is my flower girl, the 5 year old is the ring barer, and the 2 year old is going to have a play date with 2 year old cousin and the babysitter.
I have personally hired one of my bridesmaids to design a Jewish wedding-themed coloring book that I will reproduce and give to the children. My friend is a talented artist. Last fall she showed me a drawing she did of some cartoon people doing different things and one was carrying a menorah. It was for a flyer she was pitching to an organization. Right then and there, I knew that I had to ask her to make a coloring book. Our agreement for the project is that I pay for the cost of materials and $50 cash when it's completed. I have given her photographs (with parental consent) of my two flower girls and ring bearer. She is drawing their likenesses into the book!
Honestly ours will. We'll need help dress shopping, making centerpieces, helping set up the night before, and some odds and ends here and there. We know we're asking a lot from our wedding party but we also know them well. What they would be willing to and wouldn't.
Buy a dress, show up groomed and ready to go. Any friend can plan a bachelorette, often the friend or friends are in the wedding party. Any close friend or family can plan a shower, including groom side aunts, MOG. Sometimes those will be wedding party people, sometimes not. But wedding party is an honor . Not a job. And people should only do things they have individually volunteered for. As at present, no duties.
I wouldn't say "duties," really - but I chose my bridal party based on who I knew I could count on if I needed help. I had no plans to ask anything of anyone, but knowing the girls I chose, if I needed assistance, I know they would jump to be there. That's why I chose them. So give them jobs? Have expectations? No - definitely not. But if they are the kind of people I can rely on and ask them to do things as we go along? (Like, "hey ____ could you come with me to ________ appointment? I'd love your input since you just got married last year" type stuff) Then that's just being a reliable person, and that's part of why I love them.
But if they aren't able to do stuff and they just show up, wear their dress and have a good time - that's all I would ever want
I'm looking for my bridal party to support me and make the party at the reception. I've already talked with my MOH and she's going to help keep the drama in check so I don't have to worry about it. And she's good about keeping my calm! One of my Bridesmaids will be responsible for making sure the boys are ready to go and doing what they need to do (4/8) people in my bridal party are married couples. I know my MOH and SIL will also deal with minor things that would just stress me out (basically deal with issues that come up without me knowing). I chose people I could depend on...as for the groomsmen...well I just expect them to show up, listen to their wives and brush there hair lol!
My girls actually asked me what I expect of them. My response was to buy their dresses and shoes. And whatever makeup they would like. Their only duty is to stand next to me at the wedding and buy their outfit. My aunt is actually giving my bachelorette party(She’s a pro at that!) and my mother and godmother are giving my shower. My girls are more than welcomed to attend but are not responsible for any of that
I feel like whatever "duties" they will have should be discussed when they are offered the role and when they accept it. For example one of my bridesmaids just graduated college last weekend (my wedding is next weekend) and I knew she was going to be in her senior year throughout the majority of the engagement. When I asked her to be a bridesmaid she said right off the bat that she wasn't going to be much help planning-wise and of course I assumed that and understood, and I haven't asked a thing of her other than to buy a dress and show up!
The only thing I do think is annoying in terms of "bridesmaid duties" is when a bridesmaid offers to do a lot from the beginning and then perpetually backs out of those things as the process goes along. Like I said, I feel like expectations should be set as soon as they are asked... if they can't do very much, that's fine. But it does kind of screw a bride over when a bridesmaid goes on and on about how helpful they're going to be and what they're going to do to help out, and then they don't actually do anything.
No, I don't believe in handing out duties. I had my best friend and my two sisters as my party. Their involvement varied based on what they were able to do. My MOH (best friend) has wanted me to get married for years and offered to help every free second she had. I only took her up on it a few times but it was nice to know she was willing. She threw a beautiful bridal shower and was just there for me at all times even though I didn't expect it. My sisters are busy. My middle sister works crazy hours and has two kids as a single mom and my youngest sister was getting ready to graduate college (she graduated 6 days before the wedding) and in the middle of her first pregnancy (she had the baby 3 days after the wedding). They were understandably not able to do much. Of course I didn't expect it! I kept them in the loop of any wedding stuff that included them (getting ready times, asking if they wanted their makeup done, etc)....honestly I did more for them than they did for me and I was SO fine with it! My youngest sister couldn't afford to get her dress altered so I took her to do that. My middle sister couldn't afford makeup even though the rest of the bridal party was getting it so I paid for hers so she didn't feel left out. I really just wanted them standing with me at my wedding and had zero expectations that would allow or disallow them to do so.
The only things we asked were day of. We asked the best man to be in charge of rings after the photographer was done with our details shots. Like just to make sure they were in the same place and ready for the ceremony. And we asked our bridesmaids to make sure everyone was wearing their boutonniere or corsage before the processional so I didn't have to be down there doing that. Other than that we just asked them to have fun with us.
I think the only duty the bride should expect is that they buy their dress and show up in said dress at the wedding.
However, I do think it is acceptable for the bride to ask for help with tasks without it being required or to take up bridesmaids on their offer if they offer to help with anything needed. That being said, I have two bridesmaids who offered to help and one who didn’t. They will be helping me put together my diy invites and centerpieces. I am not expecting the other to help, as she hasn’t offered.
I agree with PP. They buy the outfit and are there with you on the big day. If you get more out of them, like shopping with you, helping you with wedding DIY's, showers, bachelorette parties, then great! But I have seen sob story after sob story on WW from disillusioned brides wishing their BP's would do so much more. If you keep your expectations low, you won't be disappointed. LOL!
I hired a day of coordinator so that no one would truly have duties! I didn't assign anything to anyone. Their only jobs were to get pretty, help me relax and have a great night. The coordinator handled all other things.
Not really... outside of wearing a dress and standing next to you at the ceremony and to take pics. Since they’re your friends, you can very occasionally also ask their opinions on flowers, etc (without it becoming your only topic of discussion with them). Besides that... nope! Hence the reason I’m not having any. Lol! I don’t see the need. I’d rather allow my girls be a special guest and not a maid.