Wedding drama already?!?!

I would be upset too. but dont feed into it

Doesn’t surprise me that she’s only turning 21 because she’s displaying the lack of maturity one would expect at that age. So pathetic.

I would be thrilled if any of my friends got married on my birthday! Of course I think my birthday is awesome (10/10) and it’s also always beautiful, right during peak foliage here in Vermont. I don’t have right of first refusal on that date just because I was born then. Or the week before or after? Nonsense. Honestly what a lame reason to be pissy about.

Sounds like you would be risking a lot more drama if you considered extending an invitation for her to be a bridesmaid. My advice is to avoid that.

Congratulations on getting engaged and setting a date for the wedding! I had something similar, my best friend of eleven years was so mad at me because my SO proposed to me on her birthday. A little back story is I was going through a small bit of depression due to being estranged from my family and she was already not as supportive as she could have been. When I called to tell her about my engagement (right after it happened) she barely even congratulated me. I texted her a picture of my ring and she never replied! The next day I asked what was wrong and she told me "it was the final straw" I did not post "early enough" on social media to wish her a happy birthday and then I got engaged on her day! That was over a year ago and we haven't been friends since.

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OMG, lol. To both you and OP, sometimes I think people are just looking for some "out" of a relationship. To get mad over something so petty, they were just waiting for their first chance so they could make it look like "your fault." Who has the time?

OP, just move on. If she asks why you didn't make her a bridesmaid, let her know that you felt she should focus ALL her energies on preparing for this momentous birthday OCCASION. Her response will let you know if she will still be in your life, and if she ghosts you (or goes out in an epic fireball explosion) you don't need to worry about inviting her to the wedding.

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I had a long engagement and I heard A LOT of bridesmaid drama stories before I asked my bridal party. It seems to not always be over high expectations. I found it was normally because a bride asked childhood friend that she used to be SUPER close with but really hasn't talked to/spent time with in a few years. The childhood friend agrees, but has other best friends now so hanging out with the bride (even doing non-wedding related things) is just not a priority. So the bride feels upset that she has a bridesmaid that never wants to speak with her or get together with her. So the best advice I could give is to choose people that consider you to be as close of a friend as you consider them... don't choose one-sided friends.

This friend sounds a little selfish, so she'll definitely make things a little trickier at times, but if you guys are truly best friends she'll come around. If it helps, I had a bridesmaid that is very high-maintenance, she definitely over complicated a few things but in the end everything worked out because we truly are close friends. Ultimately, every friend has their flaws, what's important is that the good qualities outweigh the bad. So think about why you're friends with this girl, think about if she's the type of person you'd still be friends with later on and that will help you figure out if she should be a bridesmaid or not.

Also, I was the first of my friends to get married, and it made them much more excited for the pre-wedding activities like the bachelorette because most of them had never been to one or have only been to one or two so it was exciting to them instead of something they're sick of. So I feel like you're more likely to have less issues with the bridal party than someone who has a bunch of married friends that are sick of weddings.

I personally could not care any less about my birthday than I do now. I've had 24, so I do NOT care if someone plans something for before/on/after my birthday. It kind of bugs me when adults make a big deal about their birthdays but whatever. That being said, YOUR WEDDING ISN'T ON HER BIRTHDAY. Who in their right mind has claim to a day 9 days before their birthday? I would ignore her. If she doesn't start to act like an adult, I'd have a conversation with her prior to asking her to be a BM to see if she is even interested because of her complaining.

I don't understand why she is upset because your wedding is NOT on her actual date! I don't think I cold drop her meltdown that easily. She is your friend and is supposed to be supportive. It sounds like she is jealous and to be honest, I feel like she will make wedding planning a nightmare if she becomes your bridesmaid. If you really want to include her I would say to have someone in mind as a backup in case she does not commit last minute! I had a friend who's bridesmaid canceled on her TWO weeks before the wedding because she was getting plastic surgery. My friend was kicking herself in the butt because she predicted that something like that would happen coming from that girl but still asked her to be a bridesmaid. Good luck

So, do I think she is being dramatic - yes. But she sounds like the average 20 year old to be honest.

Does she has a little bit of a point? yes. I can understand her being a little annoyed that her 21st birthday (not just a random one but a big one) might be overshadowed by everyone talking about the wedding. She should get over it but she does have a point that her birthday will be all about people talking about your wedding. I also think, since this is likely the 1st wedding in your friend group and your age, people will talk about it more. The first wedding I went to as an adult was the talk of every occasion - many a birthday party spent talking about someone else and their wedding. At this point (I'm 30 and went to 8 weddings this year) no one really talks about weddings. I've had a 30 minute conversation about my wedding with my maid of honor - and that's the most I've talked about it with anyone except my FH.

Congrats! To the drama: I would drop the friend TBH. I am getting married in 3 weeks. I had a really close friend that is supposed to be a bridesmaid and she has done NOTHING to help me plan or do wedding things. I've literally done everything myself. Not saying she's responsible for planning my wedding, but she never has time for me or go run wedding errands with me, but always seems to have time for her other friends-I always used to see on snapchat before I deleted her. I asked her to download whatsapp so she could be in my bridesmaids chat-she never did that. I made another chat with all the bridal party-she NEVER said a word in that one either. I am the bride & have been looking forward to my wedding, I won't let anyone bring me down. I decided I will not discuss anything more with her and she won't be a bridesmaid. She can show up in her dress, but she's not walking. #SorryNotSorry.

My fiance had to drop a groomsmen for the same thing. It's not worth the stress if someone will be complaining that bad. It's ONE day vs their yearly birthday.

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..... you just ended a friendship because she didn't want to run errands with you?

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No, I ended a friendship because the person didn't make time for me.. obviously you didn't bother to read the whole thing....?

View Quoted Comment Have you told her she isn't a bridesmaid? It's pretty rude (and cruel) to not tell a bridesmaid she isn't in the wedding. Also, have you invited her out to something not wedding related? Have you talked about her life and things in your life not wedding related? Maybe she is pulling back because everything is wedding related. I didn't bring up wedding stuff if my bridesmaids until they asked because no one cared about it as much as me.

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Yeah, sorry, if you've "literally done everything" yourself, that's your own fault. You DO have a FH, right? That's who should be helping and running errands with you.

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I did. You said she wouldn't run errands with you and were mad because she didn't want to devote her life to your wedding so you ended the friendship. Also she had other friends which for some reason seems to be a huge no no.

View Quoted Comment Lol clearly you’re unable to comprehend. I said she DOESN’T MAKE TIME FOR ME AS A FRIEND, i added the wedding stuff But that’s not the only thing. You don’t know the full story to be sitting here commenting on my post like you know everything about my life lol. There’s more to it that isn’t related the original post so I didn’t bother adding it. If I wanted to drop her as a friend, that’s my business, not yours. Thanks.

View Quoted Comment Precisely. The moment I read your post I knew someone was going to pick out little snippets and make a huge ordeal about how “she doesn’t have to help you plan your wedding”. You even said that in your post! Lol goodness people.

We are date twins!
And so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I am in a similar boat. But just know that weddings and funerals are the two events where people show their true colors.

Update for anyone still interested (or really just cause I want to tell someone) 😅:

I finally decided on bridesmaids and the rest of the house party for the wedding! I am having four bridesmaids (one being my sister as the maid of honor). And my “friend” is not involved in the wedding at all. She will most likely still be invited, but we have not made very many strides in making amends. As much as this broke my heart that one simple thing could change our friendship so drastically, I am very happy with my decision.

View Quoted Comment Congrats!!! Sounds like you did the right thing!

Her birthday comes every year. She will get to celebrate annually. You do not get that luxury with a wedding. Once and a lifetime kind of thing (and she should know that). If you are already having issues with her now, making her a BM will not solve anything. If she can't be a supportive friend, she won't be a supportive BM, keep her as a guest only so you can have your moment without worrying about her feelings or anger.